1. Listen actively. Look at the person speaking. Control any distractions. At the end of any message that contains more than two or three points (steps, ideas, phases, etc.), summarize by saying something like this: “Let me make sure I understand what you’ve just told me. I believe you made three key points, namely …. Have I missed anything?”
1. 积极倾听他人的谈话。注视着对方，保持注意力；对方谈话最后插入总结性问话，确保没有漏下什么。
2. Use illustrations. There are thousands of anecdotes, historic situations, proverbs, parables, and analogies you can cite to make a point or to confirm understanding of a point someone else has made. Such illustrations help both parties to visualize a point and remember it.
2. 善于举例说明。有助于谈话更形象地理解，更深刻记住彼此谈到的观点。
3. Confirm attention. When you start talking, the other person’s mind is usually on other matters. His or her priorities and needs are probably different from yours. Begin by stating your purpose (topic, need, objective) and asking for a specific amount of time. Example: “I need to get your views on …. Have you got ten minutes now, or should I come back?”
3. 确保对方注意力集中。因为每个人的兴趣和需求不同，所以注意力不能完全集中在谈话的内容上，解决这样的问题，可以尝试提问式的开场白，吸引别人的注意力和思考。
4. Plan the interaction. You have a purpose, information to give, information to get, an appropriate sequence (game plan, strategy) for combining the give and get, and a desired reaction that will tell you whether you have or haven’t achieved your purpose. Take time to plan each of these steps in advance. Load brain before firing mouth.
4. 提前做好沟通计划。实现安排好沟通交流程序（制定沟通计划、交流策略等），才能达到预期的沟通效果，提前做好沟通步骤，以免沟通交流失败。
5. Cancel lost causes. If the person you’re talking to about something important is distracted (e.g., taking phone calls, reading something, or simply preoccupied with another matter), cancel the interaction: “I can see that you’re busy. When would be a good time for me to come back?” This should get the person’s attention, either immediately or when you come back.
5. 取消对方不合作的谈话。如果对方因事情忙碌对谈话不予理睬，你应当取消这次谈话，让对方注意到，要么立即停止手边的工作与你专心沟通，要么越好与你交流的时间。
6. Give prior notice. When possible, let the other person know in advance that you’d like ten minutes “to discuss the Wykoff project.” Set the time. Even if the person says, “Right now is okay,” it’s sometimes better to say that now is not good for you. This gives the other person time to think about the issue and to take it seriously when you come back to discuss it.
6. 将交流的时间提前通知对方。提前通知对方，一定的时间充分思考这个问题，保证讨论结果更加有效。
7. Select time and place. Should you meet in your office (workplace, location) or a conference room or a corner of the cafeteria? Morning, afternoon, or end of the workday? Depending on your purpose, the other person’s availability and comfort level, and the physical layout, you should plan when and where you are most likely to achieve your objective.
7. 选择沟通的时间和地点。根据不同的目的选择合适的地点和时间，从而保证最大可能达到的沟通效果。
8. Anticipate the “What if ….” Forewarned is forearmed. Plan for the different directions your interaction could take—the questions, suggestions, objections, and digressions that might come up. You might even want to rehearse (role play with yourself) or to write out a script of the ideal interaction as a way of being better prepared for different reactions.
8. 预料沟通过程中可能出现的各种结果。对于沟通可能提出的问题、建议，可能出现的反对意见，以及偏离主题的情况做好充分准备，甚至有必要设想对于每个观点可能会出现各种反应，以便更好地促进沟通交流的效果。
9. Maintain aim. Stay on target. It’s easy for either person to digress or bring up information that is not relevant to the purpose of the communication. By steering your comments and questions toward your objective, you will be able to meet your aim and accomplish your objective.
9. 把握交流主题。时刻注意把握自己的观点，掌握好谈话局面，才能真正实现预定目标。
10. Control bias. At times you want to influence (bias) the other person’s thoughts and actions (e.g., when selling, teaching, persuading). At other times, you want unbiased opinions and feelings, in which case you must work hard to use unstructured questions and to avoid showing your own opinions and feelings.
10. 营造积极和谐的谈话氛围。和谐的谈话氛围，使大家保持理性状态进行沟通，切勿情绪化。只有让大家感受到这是一种公平的交流，而不是家长式，胜利者对失败者式的命令，他们才能够保持愉快的心情各抒己见。
11. Set a positive climate. Some situations are difficult to handle: a reprimand, a denial, a termination. However challenging the communication, keep it rational and not emotional, adult to adult and not parent to child, win–win and not win–lose, so that both parties see the action as necessary and fair.
11. 不要把个人观点强加给别人。己所不欲，勿施于人。
12. Interact, don’t dominate. Your communications are generally effective to the degree to which the other party was participating and not merely listening. Keep the other person involved with questions and requests for information. The more interactive your dialogue, the more successful you are likely to be.
12. 建立互动式的交流方式。积极征求大家的意见和建议，交流的互动越强，沟通的效果越明显。
13. Use the Funnel Technique. When eliciting facts and feelings, start with broad (open-ended, nondirective) questions, such as, “Why is Team B lagging behind the others?” and move down the funnel into more structured, directive questions, such as, “Have their two new members reached full productivity yet?” and, “Is there a morale problem?”
13. 运用开放式问句提问。最好运用开放式，而非指标性的提问，引出实质性的结论。比如“B小组为什么会落后于其他小组”，然后提出更具体的问题，进一步追问“B小组的每一位新成员都完成了工作目标吗？”，从而引出实质性问题。
14. Separate replies from responses. Unless they are deaf, people will usually reply to your questions. But the reply may not be the response you were looking for (the person didn’t understand, is being cautious, or has other things in mind). Be ready to rephrase your question to get a response after getting a reply.
14. 筛选问题的答案。只要大家听得见，都会对你的问题作出回答，但当答案不是你所需要的，你需要改变提问的方式，以便获得需要的答案。
15. Keep your words short. Studies have shown that when we write or speak, we are much more likely to be understood and remembered if we keep our words short, with a least 65 percent of them kept to one syllable. Bear this in mind as you talk or write. (This paragraph has 88 percent one-syllable words. So if you fear that you will sound like a small child, think again!)
15. 语言简练。
16. Allow time to digest. Pauses are welcome. Give your listener time to absorb and to anticipate with comments like, “Think for a moment of three or four obvious benefits of the new system.” Then, after a brief pause, outline them. Listeners are much more attentive when given time to think for themselves. When writing, keep your paragraphs short. White space gives reader time to digest and helps to avoid information overload.
16. 给对方留出思考时间。谈话中的停顿是非常必要的，一方面给对方时间思考，消化谈话的内容，另一方面可以思考接下来要谈论的问题。
17. Use vocal dynamics. When you speak, vary your rate, pitch, and volume. Slow down to make a key point. Speed up on anecdotal or supportive material. Change your volume to emphasize an idea. Use humor when it comes naturally and offends no one. Use accents when relating dialogue, because this helps your listener keep two or more characters separate. If you don’t vary your delivery, people may “burn out” or “tune out.”
17. 语言富于变化。注意把握好自己的语速、语调和音量，谈到关键性问题需要放慢速度，引证例子最好加快语速。缺少语言变化，就是会对方感到厌烦，甚至拒绝倾听你的谈话。
18. Signal for turns. A driver’s hand signals help avoid accidents. Words like however, moreover, in contrast, for instance, and, but, or are signals that help your listeners know where you’re going. Sometimes a phrase or sentence is needed: “Now let me cite three reasons why…” or, “The flip side is equally compelling. Let me explain ….” A writer uses paragraphs, chapter titles, and subtitles to alert readers. A good speaker will do the same for listeners.
18. 注意运用提示信息。交流过程中，使用一些词语（如无论如何、而且、相比较而言、举例说明、但是）或者运用一些手势，都能够有助对方理解下一步要谈些什么。
19. Use probes. When others speak to you, they may stop short of telling you the full story. Several useful probe techniques will keep them going. Example: In an employment interview, you ask why the applicant left his last job and he replies with, “I felt I wasn’t getting anywhere.” You need to know what this means, so you might use: the echo probe: “Not getting anywhere?”; the neutral probe: “That’s interesting. Tell me more.”; the silence probe: You say nothing, look at him, and wait.
19. 试探性询问。交谈过程中，有的人会刻意回避部分事实。比如在招聘过程中，询问应聘者为什么要放弃原工作，他回答“我的价值得不到应有的体现”。这时你需要具体了解事实，你可以尝试3种试探性询问：反应式“你感觉自身的价值得不到应有的体现？”；中立性试探：“我很感兴趣，具体谈谈。”；沉默式试探：什么都不说，只是看着面试者，等待他的回答。
20. Confirm their understanding. When you want to know if another person understands after you’ve taken 5 to 10 minutes to relate something, ask the person to summarize. Avoid the parent-to-child command: “Now tell me what I just said.” Instead, keep it adult to adult: “I’ve been doing a lot of rambling and don’t know if I’ve made sense or covered everything. It might be helpful to both of us if you could take a minute to summarize what you just heard.”
20. 确认对方领会了你的谈话内容。如果想知道对方是否理解你的谈话内容，可以每隔5-10分钟请对方对你谈到的问题做出总结，不过避免命令式的口吻。如“刚才我谈了很多，不知道是否表述清楚，如果你能用几分钟总结一下刚才听到的内容，我想一定能有助我们之间的相互沟通”。
21. Use questions deductively. When you’re instructing someone, you can either deliver the information or ask questions that will lead your listeners to deduce the correct procedure (concept, reasons, etc.). The use of questions is usually more effective. The other person is more participative, you’re building on that person’s level of understanding rather than yours, and your listener’s comprehension and retention will be greater.
21. 提出一些推理性的问题。在培训员工的时候，采用提问的方式，能充分调动员工思考的积极性。提出一些推理性问题，有助于员工提高理解、加强记忆。
22. Apply the Layer Method. Professional writers and speakers bring their messages to life by alternating between abstract and concrete, between a concept and its application, between rule and example, between things and people. In short, they create layers of human interest in a message that might otherwise be dry or technical. If the first paragraph describes a new policy or procedure, the next paragraph shows how Marge Smith in accounting is affected. The third paragraph describes another aspect of the new policy or procedure, and the fourth paragraph illustrates how our customers are benefiting from it.
22. 综合运用各种表达方式。
23. Avoid sex bias. Your references to groups of people should show no preferences for male or female pronouns. It is no longer acceptable to say, “Each employee should check with his supervisor” or, “The customer knows that he can always get his money back.” The easiest way to avoid sex bias is to put your references in the plural: employees and customers require the plural, unisex pronouns their, they, them.
23. 避免性别歧视。当需要用复数人称表达时，最好使用那些男女皆宜的词。如“员工们、消费者们”，而非“她们或他们”。
24. Test your assumptions. When your ability to influence the other person depends heavily on the accuracy of your assumptions, test them. Example: “With all the recent talk about quality improvement, I’m guessing that you’ve heard this tune before during your many years with the company, and you might be thinking that this is nothing new. How about it?”
24. 验证你的假设。如果你的影响力来源于某些假设的正确性，那么做事情前需要通过别人来验证你的假设，而非刚愎自用。
25. Answer the “WIIFM?” “What’s in it for me?” This is what other people are thinking as you deliver your message. Your ability to answer this question to their satisfaction will lead them to accept or to be cautious and reserved, or possibly even to reject. You need to draw on your empathy, putting yourself in their shoes, addressing their needs and concerns, as early in the communication as possible.
25. 回答对方提出的“这对我来说有什么好处？”的问题。当向别人传达某一信息时，别人的第一反应通常是“这对我来说有什么好处？”对于这个问题的回答将是对方接受还是持谨慎观望态度，或者干菜拒绝你的要求。你应该将心比心，换位思考，最终获得大家都期望的双赢结果。
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