大话西游(A Chinese Odyssey)精彩中英双语对白
观音：孙悟空，你这个畜牲。你本来答应如来佛祖护送你师傅唐三藏去取西经，你居然跟牛魔王串通要吃你师傅。你知不知道你犯了弥天大罪？
M onkey King, you bastard. You've promised Buddha to help the Longevity Monk to get scriptures in the west. But the King Bull and
you decided to eat your master. Do you know you've made a real big mistake?
悟空：少罗嗦！你追了我三天三夜，因为你是女人我才不杀你，不要以为我怕了你了！
Bitch! You've followed me for 3 days. I didn't beat you up because you're a woman. Don't think that I'm afraid of you.
唐僧：悟空，你怎么可以这样跟观音姐姐讲话呢？
M onkey King, be polite to Goddess!
悟空：哗！不要吵！
Shut up.
唐僧：你又在吓我！
You scare me again.
观音：你不是怕我又为什么要打伤紫霞仙子抢她的月光宝盒呢，你不就是想躲开我吗？
(缺字幕) and stole her Pandora's Box. You just wanna escape.
悟空：既然躲不了那老孙就跟你绝一死战！(悟空将月光宝盒随手一抛，正好砸在唐僧头上。)
Now, I can't escape, I will fight with you.
唐僧：又干什么？(俩人正要动手，突然……)
What's up?
唐僧：哎哎哎！大家不要生气，生气会犯了嗔戒的！悟空你也太调皮啦，我跟你说过叫你不要乱扔东西，乱扔东西这么做…你看我还没说完你又把棍子给扔掉了！月光宝盒是宝物，你把他扔掉会污染环境。唉，要是砸到小朋友那怎么办？就算没有砸到小朋友砸到那些花花草草也是不对的呀！(悟空一把抓住唐僧手中的月光宝盒)
Don't be angry. You may violate the rule. M onkey King, you're so naughty! I've told you not to throw things! This is wrong to throw things. You've thrown away the stick. Pandora's Box is a treasure. You'll pollute the environment. You'll hurt kids. If there are no kids, it is bad to hurt plants.
唐僧：干什么？
What's up?
悟空：放手！
Let go!
唐僧：你想要啊？悟空，你要是想要的话你就说话嘛，你不说我怎么知道你想要呢，虽然你很有诚意地看着我，可是你还是要跟我说你想要的。你真的想要吗？那你就拿去吧！你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗？……
You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I'm very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?
悟空：我Kao！(悟空一拳将唐僧打倒。)
Shit!
观音：啊？孙悟空……
M onkey King……
悟空：大家看到啦？这个家伙没事就长篇大论婆婆妈妈叽叽歪歪，就好象整天有一只苍蝇，嗡……对不起，不是一只，是一堆苍蝇围着你，嗡…嗡…嗡…嗡…飞到你的耳朵里面，救命，救命啊！(悟空倒地翻滚，异常痛苦。)
See, this guy keeps talking all the time, we don't know what he's talking about. He's just like a fly hanging around. Sorry, not a fly. It's a swarm of flies flying near your ears…… Flying into your brain. Help. Help!
悟空：所以呢我就抓住苍蝇挤破它的肚皮把它的肠子扯出来再用它的肠子勒住他的脖子用力一拉，呵－－！整条舌头都伸出来啦！我再手起刀落哗－－！整个世界清净了。现在大家明白，为什么我要杀他！
So I catch that fly. Open its belly. Take out its intestine. Put its intestine around its own neck. Then I pull the intestine tightly. Everybody, the tongue comes out. I use a blade and cut! Wow! All the people keep silent. Now you know why…… Why I need to kill.
观音：哼！悟空，你诸多借口，你根本就不想去取西经！
M onkey King, you have so many excuses. You don't want to get scriptures in the west.
悟空：说那么多干什么，打呀！我老孙有金刚不坏之身，十个观音我都不放在眼里。(俩人一番斗法，悟空被观音降服收入甘露瓶。)
Shut up please! Beat! I've got a super body. You can't hurt me. I don't scare of any god.
观音：今天我要替天行道！
I'm gonna punish you.
唐僧：哎哎！徒弟有错做师傅的也有责任，求姐姐放他一条生路吧！
If a disciple has made a mistake, his master needs to take the responsibility. Goddess, please pardon him!
观音：我不消灭他没法儿向玉皇大帝交代！
I have to do so, I need to report to Heaven Emperor.
唐僧：请姐姐跟玉皇大帝说一声，贫僧愿意一命赔一命！(合十坐地，将法杖向空中一抛)
Goddess, please tell Heaven Emperor, I can sacrifice my life for him.
观音：Longevity Monk.
唐僧：喃呒阿弥陀佛！(法杖将唐僧砸死。)
Namonitabhaya……
Ⅲ
(半夜二当家用迷魂香使春三十娘现出蜘蛛原形，众人合力追捕蜘蛛，却错把双脚倒立用手走路的至尊宝当作蜘蛛精来用火烧，使至尊宝下身着火，幸亏二当家用力将火踩灭。)
至尊宝：是谁烧我？
Who burned me?
众人：(齐声)不是我！是他！(指二当家)
Not me! I have no idea.
至尊宝：我早就猜到是你！(走到二当家面前)我早就看穿了你的心肝脾肺肾，你想坐我的位子对不对？
I know it's you! I know what you're thinking! You wanna take my place!
二当家：没有啊帮主！
No…… Master……
瞎子：帮主没有斗鸡眼啦！帮主，你的七伤拳全好啦！
Are Master's eyes OK now? Master, how about your wounds?
至尊宝：对啊！为什么？我打！(一拳打在二当家身上)
I'm cured! Why?
瞎子：我明白啦，治七伤拳的方法就是以毒攻毒，伤上加伤！
You must hurt yourself in order to cure the wounds.
至尊宝：有道理！有道理！
It's reasonable!……
瞎子：至于二当家呢，他是无心之失嘛！如果不是他踢你小弟弟这几脚你的伤也不会好得这么快呀！
You have to thank Asst. Master. If he didn't hit you at the crotch, you won't be healed so fast.
至尊宝：你这么维护他莫非跟他有一腿？
Do you have an affair with him?
瞎子：(作亲密状)人家对你是一片痴心嘛！
I love you so much!
至尊宝：去你的！你发嗔啊？懒得理你！(一掌将瞎子推开)二当家的，我叫你去杀春三十娘你搞定了没有？
Go to hell! What are you doing! Stop it! I've told you to kill Ma'am 30th. Have you done that?
二当家：春三十娘是个妖怪，蜘蛛精啊！
Ma'am 30th is a devil! Spider Woman!
至尊宝：老弟，象我这么有理性的人，我怎么可能会接受这种无稽的事情呢？杀了她！
I'm a rational man, I can't accept such ridiculous thing! Kill her!
瞎子：啊？帮主你就这么去啊？你不怕他……
Master, aren't you scared?
至尊宝：怕什么？我的伤都全好啦，还怕砍不过她吗？
Of course not! I'm healed. I will defeat her!
二当家：好！有种！
Great! You have guts!
至尊宝：你说有种是吧？
You think so too.
二当家：就当我没说好了！
Master, forget I'd say that!
至尊宝：好啊，那你就随便拿个家伙到她屋里去乱砍，我在后面掩护你！
Fine. You just get into her room and finish her off. We'll cover you up!
二当家：为什么每次都是我先？
You shouldn't cover me up from the back.
You said you would cover me up so stay closer.
……
(二当家半路逃脱，至尊宝只好一人摸进春三十娘房间。过了半晌众人见至尊宝安然无恙地走出来。)至尊宝：(朝房中恭敬地)这里虽说不上山明水秀，可是也别有一番风味，两位住在这里一定会爱上它，晚安！(带上房门，走下楼来)
It's not picturesque, but it is unique. You may love this place, eventually. Good night!
众人：帮主，怎么样，是不是妖怪？
Master…… She is a devil!
至尊宝：是！而且非常的妖！弄得我的心扑通扑通地乱跳！
Yes! She is a real devil! My heart is pounding!
(突然房门打开，一位妙龄少女冲了出来。) 少女：帮主请留步！(至尊宝立刻转身作风度翩翩状。)少女：师姐说帮主大仁大义乃侠中之侠，能交上帮主这样的朋友真是三生有幸，今天搁在你们兄弟头上的钱就当请大家买酒喝吧！
Master, stop it! You're a righteous man. It is my pleasure to be your friend. The money put on your bros'heads is all given to you to buy drinks.
至尊宝：嘻嘻嘻嘻嘻！多谢春三十娘一番美意！(少女嫣然一笑，转身入房。)
Thank you very much, Ma'am 30th.
二当家：帮主，品位太差了吧？
Master, she's not really good-looking.
至尊宝：各有所好嘛！(说罢也嫣然一笑，转身而去)
But I like her!
瞎子：哇－－！(大哭)
×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
原来那少女是春三十娘的师妹白骨精，名叫白晶晶，只因五百年前与孙悟空惹下一段情缘，此番怀着爱恨交织的心情来到五岳山等托世孙悟空与转世唐三藏相会。)(至尊宝对白晶晶一见钟情，好生打扮却没能引起晶晶姑娘的注意。)
至尊宝：这下没搞头啦，为什么晶晶姑娘对我这个造型完全没反应？没办法！
Shit! Jing Jing has no reaction to this image. No way this time.
……
(至尊宝剃了胡须，穿上书生的服装，站在桥上等晶晶姑娘的出现。) 白晶晶：什么人？
Who?
至尊宝：长夜漫漫无心睡眠，我以为只有我睡不着觉，原来晶晶姑娘你也睡不着啊！
It's a long night, no mood to sleep. I thought I am the only one. But Jing Jing, you're sleepless, too?
白晶晶：是啊！不知道帮主为什么睡不着？
Yes, why can't you sleep?
至尊宝：就是因为晶晶姑娘你啊。
Just because of Jing Jing!
白晶晶：我！？
Me?
至尊宝；不错。自从看到晶晶姑娘之后，我决定改过自新不再作贼，为了表示对姑娘你的诚意，我不要再看见以前的我……(回头一笑)好看吗？
Yes, when I saw you, I made up my mind that I wouldn't be a robber. I just wanna show my sincerity. I can't face my past. Do you like it?!
白晶晶：是你这个臭猴子！
You're a m onkey?!
至尊宝；啊？猴子？
M onkey?
白晶晶：孙悟空啊。
M onkey King.
至尊宝：孙悟空？
M onkey King?
白晶晶：你变成人样就行了？
You think you're alright with a human face?
至尊宝：人样？！
Human Face?
白晶晶：看来我不用三昧白骨火你是不会承认的！(玉手一指，至尊宝的手马上起火)
I have to use Skeleton Fire on you.
至尊宝：哇，还用得着吗？又烧！何苦呢－－？何必呢－－？
You gonna burn me again! Why? Why?
白晶晶：难道我搞错了？(飞身上前将火扑灭)
Did I make a mistake?
至尊宝：哇！干吗用火焰来烧我？
Why did you use flame bomb to burn me?
白晶晶：你把胡子剃光干什么？你知不知道你少了胡子一点性格都没有了？
Why did you shave off your beard? You're just another guy without the beard.
至尊宝：是吗？
Really?……
白晶晶：唉，文也不行武也不行，你不做山贼，你想做状元啊？
You can't do anything. Do you want to be a scholar instead of a robber?
至尊宝：我有想过……
I've thought about this.
白晶晶：省省吧你！改变什么形象，好好地做你山贼这份很有前途的职业去吧！
Please stop changing image. Being a robber is a good job.
至尊宝：我知道了，我一定会继续努力的！(转身奔去)
I know. I'll try my best!
白晶晶：什么不好象，偏象个臭猴子！(至尊宝回到房中。)
You look like that thing!
至尊宝：真失败！原来晶晶姑娘喜欢粗犷一面的我！(把剃掉的胡子重新贴在脸上，窥镜自视，美甚)虽然乱了点，不过总算恢复了几分风采！(又在脑门上贴了一丛胡子)
So pathetic. Jing Jing loves my violent side. Having the personality again.
……
(至尊宝洗完脚将洗脚布蒙在脸上睡着了，睡梦中又回到了水帘洞。) 画外音：你又回水帘洞来了。
You come back to Waterfall Cave again?
至尊宝：什么？水帘洞！你是谁啊你？怎么老是带我到这里来干嘛？
Waterfall Cave? Who are you? Why do you bring me here?
画外音：没有人带你来，是你自己要回来的，一个人离开家太久了总是想要回来的！
No one brings you here. You come here on your own. It is normal to miss your home.
(至尊宝刹那间仿佛看见自己变成了猴子的模样。)至尊宝：你不要耍我啦，我的家在五岳山第四面一百零一号B One，你搞错了你听见没有，以后不要再烦我了拜托！
Don't scare me! My home is at Mt. Wuyue. You have made a mistake, can you hear me? Don't annoy me, please!
(突然至尊宝被瞎子叫醒，梦就此结束。)
Ⅳ
(斧头帮去查看过路人的脚底板，至尊宝捡到一串葡萄，却原来是菩提老祖化身前来救他，并给了他一把照妖镜去照白晶晶，至尊宝吓得魂不附体，回到房间后……) 至尊宝：菩什么老母，菩什么老母！
Who? Who the hell……! Who the hell?
菩提老祖：我又变成葡萄啦！
I was turned into grapes.
至尊宝：你在那里？
Where are you?
菩提老祖：我在你的裤档里面！
In your trousers.
至尊宝：哇！这么大一坨！
Big grapes!
菩提老祖：那坨是你的，我在你后面！(至尊宝从后腰上发现了葡萄。)
It's yours. I'm at your back!
至尊宝：再见到你太好了！
That's great to see you.
菩提老祖：你现在相信了？
You trust me now!
至尊宝：相信了相信了！我这里为什么会有妖怪出现呢？
Yes…… Why do we have devil here?
菩提老祖：笨蛋！(从里屋走出来，摘了至尊宝手上一颗葡萄吃)我告诉你，这些妖怪是在等唐三藏重现人间。五百年前孙悟空被观音大士所消灭，他师傅唐三藏为了救他，用自己的性命换取孙悟空一次重生的机会，希望这只猴子能改邪归正。
Stupid fool, listen to me. These devils are waiting for the Longevity Monk.
Longevity Monk?
500 years ago, M onkey King was destroyed by Goddess. His master Longevity Monk wanted to save him. He exchanged the m onkey's life with his own. He hoped this m onkey would be good.
至尊宝：唐三藏为什么在这儿出现你还没告诉我……
Why does the Longevity Monk need to appear?
菩提老祖：唐三藏当年为了普渡众生不怕千辛万苦去取西经，就是为了借此经书感化世人，满天神佛都被他这种精神所感动，因此如来佛祖给了唐三藏一次五百年后重生的机会，好让他徒弟孙悟空保护他再取西经，为什么那么多妖怪在这儿出现你明白了。
He wanted to save the whole world, so he went to India and tried to get scriptures. He hoped they would do good to the people. All devils were impressed by his spirit. Heaven Emperor saw that. He gave the m onkey a chance to revive. He planned the master and the disciple to meet here. Then they can finish the journey to the west. Now, you know why there are so many devils here.
至尊宝：噢，怪不得我长久以来都在做同样的一个恶梦，在一片漆黑孤独的环境里面，一对一对非常色迷迷的眼睛一直在盯着我看，看得我都非常不好意思，就是你这种眼神，有好几次还盯得我脸都红了。原来注定我今天撞妖！
So I am having the same dream. In a pitch-dark area, a pair of seductive eyes looking at me, make me embarrassed. Your eyes look like the eyes in my dream. Sometimes, my face becomes red. I have to face the devils tonight!
……
(菩提老祖帮至尊宝捉妖，正斗间牛魔王来了，至尊宝想冒充孙悟空求得牛魔王的保护，不料牛魔王却是为了孙悟空勾引铁扇公主来找他算帐的。蜘蛛精和白骨精听说他是孙悟空又反过来保护他，孙悟空趁乱溜走，却看见刚才被“打死”的瞎子等人也在逃命……) 至尊宝：喂，瞎子，你不是死了吗？
Blind Bing, you're still alive!
瞎子：我们刚刚是装死的！
We are in trouble.
至尊宝：我Kao！I服了You！
You're so great.
……
(春三十娘和白晶晶打不过牛魔王，只好带至尊宝和二当家躲进盘丝洞。白晶晶与春三十娘反睦成仇，混乱中春三十娘将“催情大法”施在了二当家身上，至尊宝带受伤的白晶晶逃到一座悬崖上。)
至尊宝：你中的毒越来越深，再不解会死的。
You're poisoned. You'll die if you don't cure yourself.
白晶晶：解了又怎么样，不开心长生不死也没用，开心就算只能活几天也足够了。
What for even if I'm cured? Living long is meaningless if you are unhappy. Even your last few days are memorable if you're happy.
至尊宝：如果我告诉你我不是孙悟空你会怎么样？
If I tell you I'm not the M onkey King, what do you to do?
白晶晶：我会杀了你！
I will kill you.
至尊宝：我真的不是孙悟空！这块真的是照妖镜，照照看就知道了。
I'm not him, really. This is a magic mirror. You should use it.
白晶晶：什么？你不是他！
You're not him, really?
至尊宝：不是。
I'm not.
白晶晶：你不怕我杀了你吗？
Don't you scare that I will kill you?
至尊宝：怕！不过没办法，因为我不希望你看到我的时候，心里面却想着另外一个人。
Yes, but I have no option. Because I don't want you to look at me while you're thinking of another.
白晶晶：我把你给杀了！
I would like to kill you.
至尊宝：来吧！就象你说的，做人不开心就算长生不死也没有用！
You said living long was meaningless if you were unhappy.
白晶晶：哇－－！(大哭)(至尊宝想上前安慰，又恐唐突佳人，不料晶晶却主动投怀送抱，俩人感情冲动，一触即发。)
至尊宝：来吧！
Yes, I'll!
白晶晶：来就来！
(俩人宽衣解带。) 至尊宝：他母亲的，是谁绑的，那么紧！
Shit! Who make this knot?
白晶晶：我来解！(解着解着突然推开至尊宝，大哭起来)
Let me do it!
至尊宝：对不起啊，我不是故意的，我是看你那么冲动，配合你一下而已，我虽然不是什么正人君子，但也不至于趁人之危啊！
Sorry, I don't mean it. You do it strongly. So I wanna do it with you. Although I'm not a righteous man, I won't take advantages from the others.
白晶晶：白天我不习惯，晚上再说。
I'm not used to do it at daytime. Let's wait till night.
至尊宝：晚上也好白天也好，以后你随时需要随时吩咐，从今天开始，我会一直陪着你。
No matter when, call me if you need me. From now on, I'll be with you.
(至尊宝见白晶晶伤势严重，回去请春三十娘相救，但第二天返回已不见晶晶，只拾得玉佩一只。)(春三十娘对二当家误用了“催情大法”而怀了身孕，俩人感情渐生。至尊宝被春三十娘软禁，无意间从地下挖出可以利用月亮光华穿梭时空的月光宝盒，突然一股神秘的力量将至尊宝引到了水帘洞。)(至尊宝在洞中找到一幅图画，图画自行点燃飘在半空。)画外音：孙悟空，你当年罪恶滔天，希望你今生会大彻大悟，痛改前非！
M onkey King, you'd committed serious offences. I hope you know you're wrong.
至尊宝：谁在说话？
Who's talking?
画外音：五百年前你师傅唐三藏为了赎你一命，牺牲了他自己，玉皇大帝特意安排你五百年后重投人间，希望你能学你师傅一样舍己为人，把你过去的一切罪孽洗清，只要你肯自愿带上金刚圈，肯改过自新，就可以变回法力无边的齐天大圣，到时候你就要负起取西经的重任，把历史重改，不过从此人间一切与你无关，再不能有半点情欲半点留恋，要全心皈依我佛。你还没有变成真正的孙悟空托世，这是因为你还没有遇上那个给你三颗痣的人，当你遇上他之后你的一生就会改变。
500 years ago, your master Longevity Monk sacrificed his life to seve you. Heaven Emperor planned that you revive after 500 years. I hope you'll be like your master. Making sacrifices to save the others. To clean the sin that you've made before. You should put on the Gold Ring on your head. Admit your sin. Then you'll become the super M onkey King. You'll take the responsibility to get scriptures in the west. Rewrite teh history. All things in human life is then none of your business. You can't have any desires anymore. Worship Buddha whole-heartedly. You haven't turned into the M onkey King because you haven't met the guy who gives you the 3 birthmarks. After you see him, your whole life will be changed.
至尊宝：跟我说话吗？不是跟我说的吧？认错人啦！
Are you talking to me? I don't think so. I think you have made a mistake. Crazy!
观音：孙悟空，你这个畜牲。你本来答应如来佛祖护送你师傅唐三藏去取西经，你居然跟牛魔王串通要吃你师傅。你知不知道你犯了弥天大罪？
M onkey King, you bastard. You've promised Buddha to help the Longevity Monk to get scriptures in the west. But the King Bull and
you decided to eat your master. Do you know you've made a real big mistake?
悟空：少罗嗦！你追了我三天三夜，因为你是女人我才不杀你，不要以为我怕了你了！
Bitch! You've followed me for 3 days. I didn't beat you up because you're a woman. Don't think that I'm afraid of you.
唐僧：悟空，你怎么可以这样跟观音姐姐讲话呢？
M onkey King, be polite to Goddess!
悟空：哗！不要吵！
Shut up.
唐僧：你又在吓我！
You scare me again.
观音：你不是怕我又为什么要打伤紫霞仙子抢她的月光宝盒呢，你不就是想躲开我吗？
(缺字幕) and stole her Pandora's Box. You just wanna escape.
悟空：既然躲不了那老孙就跟你绝一死战！(悟空将月光宝盒随手一抛，正好砸在唐僧头上。)
Now, I can't escape, I will fight with you.
唐僧：又干什么？(俩人正要动手，突然……)
What's up?
唐僧：哎哎哎！大家不要生气，生气会犯了嗔戒的！悟空你也太调皮啦，我跟你说过叫你不要乱扔东西，乱扔东西这么做…你看我还没说完你又把棍子给扔掉了！月光宝盒是宝物，你把他扔掉会污染环境。唉，要是砸到小朋友那怎么办？就算没有砸到小朋友砸到那些花花草草也是不对的呀！(悟空一把抓住唐僧手中的月光宝盒)
Don't be angry. You may violate the rule. M onkey King, you're so naughty! I've told you not to throw things! This is wrong to throw things. You've thrown away the stick. Pandora's Box is a treasure. You'll pollute the environment. You'll hurt kids. If there are no kids, it is bad to hurt plants.
唐僧：干什么？
What's up?
悟空：放手！
Let go!
唐僧：你想要啊？悟空，你要是想要的话你就说话嘛，你不说我怎么知道你想要呢，虽然你很有诚意地看着我，可是你还是要跟我说你想要的。你真的想要吗？那你就拿去吧！你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗？……
You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I'm very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?
悟空：我Kao！(悟空一拳将唐僧打倒。)
Shit!
观音：啊？孙悟空……
M onkey King……
悟空：大家看到啦？这个家伙没事就长篇大论婆婆妈妈叽叽歪歪，就好象整天有一只苍蝇，嗡……对不起，不是一只，是一堆苍蝇围着你，嗡…嗡…嗡…嗡…飞到你的耳朵里面，救命，救命啊！(悟空倒地翻滚，异常痛苦。)
See, this guy keeps talking all the time, we don't know what he's talking about. He's just like a fly hanging around. Sorry, not a fly. It's a swarm of flies flying near your ears…… Flying into your brain. Help. Help!
悟空：所以呢我就抓住苍蝇挤破它的肚皮把它的肠子扯出来再用它的肠子勒住他的脖子用力一拉，呵－－！整条舌头都伸出来啦！我再手起刀落哗－－！整个世界清净了。现在大家明白，为什么我要杀他！
So I catch that fly. Open its belly. Take out its intestine. Put its intestine around its own neck. Then I pull the intestine tightly. Everybody, the tongue comes out. I use a blade and cut! Wow! All the people keep silent. Now you know why…… Why I need to kill.
观音：哼！悟空，你诸多借口，你根本就不想去取西经！
M onkey King, you have so many excuses. You don't want to get scriptures in the west.
悟空：说那么多干什么，打呀！我老孙有金刚不坏之身，十个观音我都不放在眼里。(俩人一番斗法，悟空被观音降服收入甘露瓶。)
Shut up please! Beat! I've got a super body. You can't hurt me. I don't scare of any god.
观音：今天我要替天行道！
I'm gonna punish you.
唐僧：哎哎！徒弟有错做师傅的也有责任，求姐姐放他一条生路吧！
If a disciple has made a mistake, his master needs to take the responsibility. Goddess, please pardon him!
观音：我不消灭他没法儿向玉皇大帝交代！
I have to do so, I need to report to Heaven Emperor.
唐僧：请姐姐跟玉皇大帝说一声，贫僧愿意一命赔一命！(合十坐地，将法杖向空中一抛)
Goddess, please tell Heaven Emperor, I can sacrifice my life for him.
观音：Longevity Monk.
唐僧：喃呒阿弥陀佛！(法杖将唐僧砸死。)
Namonitabhaya……
Ⅲ
(半夜二当家用迷魂香使春三十娘现出蜘蛛原形，众人合力追捕蜘蛛，却错把双脚倒立用手走路的至尊宝当作蜘蛛精来用火烧，使至尊宝下身着火，幸亏二当家用力将火踩灭。)
至尊宝：是谁烧我？
Who burned me?
众人：(齐声)不是我！是他！(指二当家)
Not me! I have no idea.
至尊宝：我早就猜到是你！(走到二当家面前)我早就看穿了你的心肝脾肺肾，你想坐我的位子对不对？
I know it's you! I know what you're thinking! You wanna take my place!
二当家：没有啊帮主！
No…… Master……
瞎子：帮主没有斗鸡眼啦！帮主，你的七伤拳全好啦！
Are Master's eyes OK now? Master, how about your wounds?
至尊宝：对啊！为什么？我打！(一拳打在二当家身上)
I'm cured! Why?
瞎子：我明白啦，治七伤拳的方法就是以毒攻毒，伤上加伤！
You must hurt yourself in order to cure the wounds.
至尊宝：有道理！有道理！
It's reasonable!……
瞎子：至于二当家呢，他是无心之失嘛！如果不是他踢你小弟弟这几脚你的伤也不会好得这么快呀！
You have to thank Asst. Master. If he didn't hit you at the crotch, you won't be healed so fast.
至尊宝：你这么维护他莫非跟他有一腿？
Do you have an affair with him?
瞎子：(作亲密状)人家对你是一片痴心嘛！
I love you so much!
至尊宝：去你的！你发嗔啊？懒得理你！(一掌将瞎子推开)二当家的，我叫你去杀春三十娘你搞定了没有？
Go to hell! What are you doing! Stop it! I've told you to kill Ma'am 30th. Have you done that?
二当家：春三十娘是个妖怪，蜘蛛精啊！
Ma'am 30th is a devil! Spider Woman!
至尊宝：老弟，象我这么有理性的人，我怎么可能会接受这种无稽的事情呢？杀了她！
I'm a rational man, I can't accept such ridiculous thing! Kill her!
瞎子：啊？帮主你就这么去啊？你不怕他……
Master, aren't you scared?
至尊宝：怕什么？我的伤都全好啦，还怕砍不过她吗？
Of course not! I'm healed. I will defeat her!
二当家：好！有种！
Great! You have guts!
至尊宝：你说有种是吧？
You think so too.
二当家：就当我没说好了！
Master, forget I'd say that!
至尊宝：好啊，那你就随便拿个家伙到她屋里去乱砍，我在后面掩护你！
Fine. You just get into her room and finish her off. We'll cover you up!
二当家：为什么每次都是我先？
You shouldn't cover me up from the back.
You said you would cover me up so stay closer.
……
(二当家半路逃脱，至尊宝只好一人摸进春三十娘房间。过了半晌众人见至尊宝安然无恙地走出来。)至尊宝：(朝房中恭敬地)这里虽说不上山明水秀，可是也别有一番风味，两位住在这里一定会爱上它，晚安！(带上房门，走下楼来)
It's not picturesque, but it is unique. You may love this place, eventually. Good night!
众人：帮主，怎么样，是不是妖怪？
Master…… She is a devil!
至尊宝：是！而且非常的妖！弄得我的心扑通扑通地乱跳！
Yes! She is a real devil! My heart is pounding!
(突然房门打开，一位妙龄少女冲了出来。) 少女：帮主请留步！(至尊宝立刻转身作风度翩翩状。)少女：师姐说帮主大仁大义乃侠中之侠，能交上帮主这样的朋友真是三生有幸，今天搁在你们兄弟头上的钱就当请大家买酒喝吧！
Master, stop it! You're a righteous man. It is my pleasure to be your friend. The money put on your bros'heads is all given to you to buy drinks.
至尊宝：嘻嘻嘻嘻嘻！多谢春三十娘一番美意！(少女嫣然一笑，转身入房。)
Thank you very much, Ma'am 30th.
二当家：帮主，品位太差了吧？
Master, she's not really good-looking.
至尊宝：各有所好嘛！(说罢也嫣然一笑，转身而去)
But I like her!
瞎子：哇－－！(大哭)
×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
原来那少女是春三十娘的师妹白骨精，名叫白晶晶，只因五百年前与孙悟空惹下一段情缘，此番怀着爱恨交织的心情来到五岳山等托世孙悟空与转世唐三藏相会。)(至尊宝对白晶晶一见钟情，好生打扮却没能引起晶晶姑娘的注意。)
至尊宝：这下没搞头啦，为什么晶晶姑娘对我这个造型完全没反应？没办法！
Shit! Jing Jing has no reaction to this image. No way this time.
……
(至尊宝剃了胡须，穿上书生的服装，站在桥上等晶晶姑娘的出现。) 白晶晶：什么人？
Who?
至尊宝：长夜漫漫无心睡眠，我以为只有我睡不着觉，原来晶晶姑娘你也睡不着啊！
It's a long night, no mood to sleep. I thought I am the only one. But Jing Jing, you're sleepless, too?
白晶晶：是啊！不知道帮主为什么睡不着？
Yes, why can't you sleep?
至尊宝：就是因为晶晶姑娘你啊。
Just because of Jing Jing!
白晶晶：我！？
Me?
至尊宝；不错。自从看到晶晶姑娘之后，我决定改过自新不再作贼，为了表示对姑娘你的诚意，我不要再看见以前的我……(回头一笑)好看吗？
Yes, when I saw you, I made up my mind that I wouldn't be a robber. I just wanna show my sincerity. I can't face my past. Do you like it?!
白晶晶：是你这个臭猴子！
You're a m onkey?!
至尊宝；啊？猴子？
M onkey?
白晶晶：孙悟空啊。
M onkey King.
至尊宝：孙悟空？
M onkey King?
白晶晶：你变成人样就行了？
You think you're alright with a human face?
至尊宝：人样？！
Human Face?
白晶晶：看来我不用三昧白骨火你是不会承认的！(玉手一指，至尊宝的手马上起火)
I have to use Skeleton Fire on you.
至尊宝：哇，还用得着吗？又烧！何苦呢－－？何必呢－－？
You gonna burn me again! Why? Why?
白晶晶：难道我搞错了？(飞身上前将火扑灭)
Did I make a mistake?
至尊宝：哇！干吗用火焰来烧我？
Why did you use flame bomb to burn me?
白晶晶：你把胡子剃光干什么？你知不知道你少了胡子一点性格都没有了？
Why did you shave off your beard? You're just another guy without the beard.
至尊宝：是吗？
Really?……
白晶晶：唉，文也不行武也不行，你不做山贼，你想做状元啊？
You can't do anything. Do you want to be a scholar instead of a robber?
至尊宝：我有想过……
I've thought about this.
白晶晶：省省吧你！改变什么形象，好好地做你山贼这份很有前途的职业去吧！
Please stop changing image. Being a robber is a good job.
至尊宝：我知道了，我一定会继续努力的！(转身奔去)
I know. I'll try my best!
白晶晶：什么不好象，偏象个臭猴子！(至尊宝回到房中。)
You look like that thing!
至尊宝：真失败！原来晶晶姑娘喜欢粗犷一面的我！(把剃掉的胡子重新贴在脸上，窥镜自视，美甚)虽然乱了点，不过总算恢复了几分风采！(又在脑门上贴了一丛胡子)
So pathetic. Jing Jing loves my violent side. Having the personality again.
……
(至尊宝洗完脚将洗脚布蒙在脸上睡着了，睡梦中又回到了水帘洞。) 画外音：你又回水帘洞来了。
You come back to Waterfall Cave again?
至尊宝：什么？水帘洞！你是谁啊你？怎么老是带我到这里来干嘛？
Waterfall Cave? Who are you? Why do you bring me here?
画外音：没有人带你来，是你自己要回来的，一个人离开家太久了总是想要回来的！
No one brings you here. You come here on your own. It is normal to miss your home.
(至尊宝刹那间仿佛看见自己变成了猴子的模样。)至尊宝：你不要耍我啦，我的家在五岳山第四面一百零一号B One，你搞错了你听见没有，以后不要再烦我了拜托！
Don't scare me! My home is at Mt. Wuyue. You have made a mistake, can you hear me? Don't annoy me, please!
(突然至尊宝被瞎子叫醒，梦就此结束。)
Ⅳ
(斧头帮去查看过路人的脚底板，至尊宝捡到一串葡萄，却原来是菩提老祖化身前来救他，并给了他一把照妖镜去照白晶晶，至尊宝吓得魂不附体，回到房间后……) 至尊宝：菩什么老母，菩什么老母！
Who? Who the hell……! Who the hell?
菩提老祖：我又变成葡萄啦！
I was turned into grapes.
至尊宝：你在那里？
Where are you?
菩提老祖：我在你的裤档里面！
In your trousers.
至尊宝：哇！这么大一坨！
Big grapes!
菩提老祖：那坨是你的，我在你后面！(至尊宝从后腰上发现了葡萄。)
It's yours. I'm at your back!
至尊宝：再见到你太好了！
That's great to see you.
菩提老祖：你现在相信了？
You trust me now!
至尊宝：相信了相信了！我这里为什么会有妖怪出现呢？
Yes…… Why do we have devil here?
菩提老祖：笨蛋！(从里屋走出来，摘了至尊宝手上一颗葡萄吃)我告诉你，这些妖怪是在等唐三藏重现人间。五百年前孙悟空被观音大士所消灭，他师傅唐三藏为了救他，用自己的性命换取孙悟空一次重生的机会，希望这只猴子能改邪归正。
Stupid fool, listen to me. These devils are waiting for the Longevity Monk.
Longevity Monk?
500 years ago, M onkey King was destroyed by Goddess. His master Longevity Monk wanted to save him. He exchanged the m onkey's life with his own. He hoped this m onkey would be good.
至尊宝：唐三藏为什么在这儿出现你还没告诉我……
Why does the Longevity Monk need to appear?
菩提老祖：唐三藏当年为了普渡众生不怕千辛万苦去取西经，就是为了借此经书感化世人，满天神佛都被他这种精神所感动，因此如来佛祖给了唐三藏一次五百年后重生的机会，好让他徒弟孙悟空保护他再取西经，为什么那么多妖怪在这儿出现你明白了。
He wanted to save the whole world, so he went to India and tried to get scriptures. He hoped they would do good to the people. All devils were impressed by his spirit. Heaven Emperor saw that. He gave the m onkey a chance to revive. He planned the master and the disciple to meet here. Then they can finish the journey to the west. Now, you know why there are so many devils here.
至尊宝：噢，怪不得我长久以来都在做同样的一个恶梦，在一片漆黑孤独的环境里面，一对一对非常色迷迷的眼睛一直在盯着我看，看得我都非常不好意思，就是你这种眼神，有好几次还盯得我脸都红了。原来注定我今天撞妖！
So I am having the same dream. In a pitch-dark area, a pair of seductive eyes looking at me, make me embarrassed. Your eyes look like the eyes in my dream. Sometimes, my face becomes red. I have to face the devils tonight!
……
(菩提老祖帮至尊宝捉妖，正斗间牛魔王来了，至尊宝想冒充孙悟空求得牛魔王的保护，不料牛魔王却是为了孙悟空勾引铁扇公主来找他算帐的。蜘蛛精和白骨精听说他是孙悟空又反过来保护他，孙悟空趁乱溜走，却看见刚才被“打死”的瞎子等人也在逃命……) 至尊宝：喂，瞎子，你不是死了吗？
Blind Bing, you're still alive!
瞎子：我们刚刚是装死的！
We are in trouble.
至尊宝：我Kao！I服了You！
You're so great.
……
(春三十娘和白晶晶打不过牛魔王，只好带至尊宝和二当家躲进盘丝洞。白晶晶与春三十娘反睦成仇，混乱中春三十娘将“催情大法”施在了二当家身上，至尊宝带受伤的白晶晶逃到一座悬崖上。)
至尊宝：你中的毒越来越深，再不解会死的。
You're poisoned. You'll die if you don't cure yourself.
白晶晶：解了又怎么样，不开心长生不死也没用，开心就算只能活几天也足够了。
What for even if I'm cured? Living long is meaningless if you are unhappy. Even your last few days are memorable if you're happy.
至尊宝：如果我告诉你我不是孙悟空你会怎么样？
If I tell you I'm not the M onkey King, what do you to do?
白晶晶：我会杀了你！
I will kill you.
至尊宝：我真的不是孙悟空！这块真的是照妖镜，照照看就知道了。
I'm not him, really. This is a magic mirror. You should use it.
白晶晶：什么？你不是他！
You're not him, really?
至尊宝：不是。
I'm not.
白晶晶：你不怕我杀了你吗？
Don't you scare that I will kill you?
至尊宝：怕！不过没办法，因为我不希望你看到我的时候，心里面却想着另外一个人。
Yes, but I have no option. Because I don't want you to look at me while you're thinking of another.
白晶晶：我把你给杀了！
I would like to kill you.
至尊宝：来吧！就象你说的，做人不开心就算长生不死也没有用！
You said living long was meaningless if you were unhappy.
白晶晶：哇－－！(大哭)(至尊宝想上前安慰，又恐唐突佳人，不料晶晶却主动投怀送抱，俩人感情冲动，一触即发。)
至尊宝：来吧！
Yes, I'll!
白晶晶：来就来！
(俩人宽衣解带。) 至尊宝：他母亲的，是谁绑的，那么紧！
Shit! Who make this knot?
白晶晶：我来解！(解着解着突然推开至尊宝，大哭起来)
Let me do it!
至尊宝：对不起啊，我不是故意的，我是看你那么冲动，配合你一下而已，我虽然不是什么正人君子，但也不至于趁人之危啊！
Sorry, I don't mean it. You do it strongly. So I wanna do it with you. Although I'm not a righteous man, I won't take advantages from the others.
白晶晶：白天我不习惯，晚上再说。
I'm not used to do it at daytime. Let's wait till night.
至尊宝：晚上也好白天也好，以后你随时需要随时吩咐，从今天开始，我会一直陪着你。
No matter when, call me if you need me. From now on, I'll be with you.
(至尊宝见白晶晶伤势严重，回去请春三十娘相救，但第二天返回已不见晶晶，只拾得玉佩一只。)(春三十娘对二当家误用了“催情大法”而怀了身孕，俩人感情渐生。至尊宝被春三十娘软禁，无意间从地下挖出可以利用月亮光华穿梭时空的月光宝盒，突然一股神秘的力量将至尊宝引到了水帘洞。)(至尊宝在洞中找到一幅图画，图画自行点燃飘在半空。)画外音：孙悟空，你当年罪恶滔天，希望你今生会大彻大悟，痛改前非！
M onkey King, you'd committed serious offences. I hope you know you're wrong.
至尊宝：谁在说话？
Who's talking?
画外音：五百年前你师傅唐三藏为了赎你一命，牺牲了他自己，玉皇大帝特意安排你五百年后重投人间，希望你能学你师傅一样舍己为人，把你过去的一切罪孽洗清，只要你肯自愿带上金刚圈，肯改过自新，就可以变回法力无边的齐天大圣，到时候你就要负起取西经的重任，把历史重改，不过从此人间一切与你无关，再不能有半点情欲半点留恋，要全心皈依我佛。你还没有变成真正的孙悟空托世，这是因为你还没有遇上那个给你三颗痣的人，当你遇上他之后你的一生就会改变。
500 years ago, your master Longevity Monk sacrificed his life to seve you. Heaven Emperor planned that you revive after 500 years. I hope you'll be like your master. Making sacrifices to save the others. To clean the sin that you've made before. You should put on the Gold Ring on your head. Admit your sin. Then you'll become the super M onkey King. You'll take the responsibility to get scriptures in the west. Rewrite teh history. All things in human life is then none of your business. You can't have any desires anymore. Worship Buddha whole-heartedly. You haven't turned into the M onkey King because you haven't met the guy who gives you the 3 birthmarks. After you see him, your whole life will be changed.
至尊宝：跟我说话吗？不是跟我说的吧？认错人啦！
Are you talking to me? I don't think so. I think you have made a mistake. Crazy!
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