太凶残了：程序员的终极复仇方式

1. http://pastebin.com/6j9dK0J0
   
   
   
   Apologies for circumventing the link only with this; bear with me.
2.  
3. Brief history: One of the founders at my company, the HR/Product Leader/Designer, loves pranking us. For instance, there's currently a life size blowup of me in drag (Halloween party) she dredged up from Facebook, with a speech bubble drawn next to it reading "All I want for my birthday is an eightball and a twelve-year-old hooker that looks like Jodie Foster." She managed to get it on my lunch break. Problem is, she's hard to prank because she always assumes someone's going to mess with her.
4.  
5. But she doesn't know much about computers.
6.  
7. I managed to pop my public key on her laptop and turn on remote login while she was in a meeting, and started with this script:
8.  
9. #!/bin/bash
10.  
11. while [ 1 ]
12. do
13.     sleep $(( ($RANDOM % 10) * 100))
14.     say -v Whisper i
15. done
16.  
17. That got her freaking out for a few days, and getting weird looks from everybody when she insisted her computer was talking to her. Initially it depended on her volume being up, but a little osascripting solved that:
18.  
19. #!/bin/bash
20.  
21. while [ 1 ]
22. do
23.     sleep $(( ($RANDOM % 10) * 100))
24.     osascript -e "set Volume 2"
25.     say -v Whisper i
26.     osascript -e "set Volume 0"
27. done
28.  
29. That had the added benefit that if she was listening to music, it would be interrupted by the "i" followed by silence. After letting this run for a week, I started manually running
30.  
31. open http://wwwwwwwww.jodi.org
32.  
33. Which created much fuss and research in the office. After that I added a sleeper prank, which she just found: she takes a lot of screen shots to communicate visual bugs to us and get design feedback, so I replaced all the screenshots on her desktop with this:
34.  
35. http://www.historicalstockphotos.com/images/xsmall/2122_old_man_sleeping_on_porch.jpg
36.  
37. Today, I updated the script to run another applescript right before it whispers, the applescript being:
38.  
39. tell application "Finder"
40. set desktop picture to file {"Macintosh HD:Users:huntwelch:.ssh:ring.jpg"}
41. delay 0.2
42. set desktop picture to file {"Macintosh HD:Library:Desktop Pictures:Solid Colors:Solid Aqua Blue.png"}
43. end tell
44.  
45. With ring.jpg of course being this image:
46.  
47. http://www.retrocrush.com/scary/animatedring2.gif
48.  
49. I figure I've got about two more weeks of this before she finds me out or I have to stop for the sake of her mental health. I intend for these to before glorious and terrifying weeks. I need a new direction. Suggestions?
50.  
51. OSX 10.9, command line access only.