Unable to begin a distributed transaction

What i have done is irrelevant, but i'll post it anyway.

1. Ensure Distributed Transaction Coordinator service is running on both machies:

   

   

2. Disable all MSDTC security on both machines:

   

   

3. Turn on random options on the linked server:

   

4. Cursed and swore.

5. Smashed things.

6. Checked that a SELECT can use the linked server:

      SELECT * FROM CMSLive.CashierManagementSystem.dbo.Users
      ....
   
      (763 row(s) affected)

7. Checked that client server can ping the remote server:

       C:\Documents and Settings\avatar>ping wclcmstest.windsor.wcl
   
       Pinging wclcmstest.windsor.wcl [10.180.12.40] with 32 bytes of data:
   
       Reply from 10.180.12.40: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128
       Reply from 10.180.12.40: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128
       Reply from 10.180.12.40: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128
       Reply from 10.180.12.40: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128
   
       Ping statistics for 10.180.12.40:
           Packets: Sent = 4, Received = 4, Lost = 0 (0% loss),
       Approximate round trip times in milli-seconds:
           Minimum = 0ms, Maximum = 0ms, Average = 0ms

8. Checked that the remote server can commnicate back, by name, to the initiating server:

       C:\Documents and Settings\avatar>ping wcltestserver.windsor.wcl
   
       Pinging wcltestserver.windsor.wcl [10.180.12.22] with 32 bytes of data:
   
       Reply from 10.180.12.22: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128
       Reply from 10.180.12.22: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128
       Reply from 10.180.12.22: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128
       Reply from 10.180.12.22: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128
   
       Ping statistics for 10.180.12.22:
           Packets: Sent = 4, Received = 4, Lost = 0 (0% loss),
       Approximate round trip times in milli-seconds:
           Minimum = 0ms, Maximum = 0ms, Average = 0ms

9. Checked that @@SERVERNAME matches the server name on both servers:

     SELECT @@SERVERNAME, SERVERPROPERTY('MachineName')
   
     -------------  -------------
     WCLTESTSERVER  WCLTESTSERVER

   and

     SELECT @@SERVERNAME, SERVERPROPERTY('MachineName')
   
     ----------  ----------
     WCLCMSTEST  WCLCMSTEST

10. Screamed

11. Issued SET XACT_ABORT ON before issuing my query:

    SET XACT_ABORT ON
    GO
    BEGIN DISTRIBUTED TRANSACTION
    SELECT TOP 1 * FROM Sessions

12. Granted Everyone Full Control to:

    HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Microsoft\MSSQLServer

    on both servers.