[转帖]funny language

funnylanguage
@jc_99
http://www.hjbbs.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=33&ID=165384
I was never a big fan of the English language, and here are some of the reasons...

Whoever invented this language had to be a master of user unfriendliness and confusion. So much time are wasted in learning unnecessary rules and exceptions just for the heck of it.

And sadly, I am using this very language to describe a few observations. There must be some people use it with pride. But don't be offended if you are a proud user, just have a good laugh, otherwise a better laugh, and I am already having the best laugh. Because it might be funny to you, funnier to others, and funniest to me.

Because it is ok to be sad->sadder->saddest, but being bad->badder->baddest is just not as good, and being good->gooder->goodest would be equally bad.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple... English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that singers sing, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham.

If the plural of tooth is teeth and plural of foot is feet, why aren't the plural of booth beeth and plural of root reet?

One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? Is cheese the plural of choose?

One beep, two beeps. So one sheep, two sheeps?

One man, two men. So one pan, two pen?

One box, two boxes. So one index, two indexes? (Two indices)

One bus, two buses. So one radius, two radiuses? (Two radii)

If 1 apple, 2 apples, ... and 1 + 2 = 3, then is it natural to say I do, you do, and we does, since we = I + you? Further, he does, she does, and they doeses, since they = he + she?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught or leachers laught?

When we have letters S and K, why do we need C and X? 50 sents for a boks of matches would be fine.

When we have P and H in physical geography, why do we need F? Phast phood tastes just as good.

She lives in California with a cat has 9 lives? And he leaves the door open and tree leaves get in the house?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship packages by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

Unnecessary constructs that add confusions:

Plurality -- Since the quantity of objects is understood from the context. If it is logical to say four sheep, then "four box" would mean one box multiply four times.
Inflected forms of verbs -- Again, understood from context. I do, you do, they do, "he do" and "she do" all meaning some person(s) do something. Why differentiate he or she from the rest.
Inflected forms of adjectives -- Consistency. More important, more flexible, then "more funny", "more good", "more bad."[/size]