神啊,救救我吧_第二篇

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

无敌的脑残老爸 -- 带我男朋友回家,中间聊天聊到我男朋友的妈妈,我老爸突然一拍脑门,“奥,那是你妈啊,高中的时候是我女朋友来着,要不是。。。我就是该你爸爸了”,   FML

 

Today, I found out my request to have off on Thanksgiving for the first time in 6 years was denied, because I work the evening shift every year on Thanksgiving and that's convenient for everyone else. FML

历年我都在感恩节这天选择加班,此为前提,今年心血来潮想过个感恩节,然后被领导给拒了,拒绝的理由居然是如果我感恩节请假那么别人就没法过节了,擦,老子欠他们的。FML

 

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

等红灯呢,Duang一下,被人给追尾了,赶紧下车看,后面的车居然没人,娘的,难道被外星人掳走了?。FML

 

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

个人比较喜欢喝冰凉的草莓苏打水,看起来跟血一个颜色,然后很爽口,次为前提,今儿去冰箱拿出来一罐,张嘴就喝“卧槽,这特么的哪儿弄得一罐子血啊!”好吧,前天买的生牛排,结果省点儿血全给我滴到苏打水里面了。FML

 

Today, my heating broke. It's 22 degrees outside, and my father won't let us call someone to fix it because apparently the cold helps the soul grow. FML

家里暖气坏了,但是我爸认为冻冻有助于健康,所以不打算修了,我们这边现在22华氏度(零下五度)。特么的 FML

 

Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML

今天在高速上经历了生死时刻,新买的卡车,在高速上跑着呢,突然踩油门没有反应了,我老爸以为是变速器出问题了,然后就去拉档位,老子一时没看到,一脚油门下去,车子在高速上直接倒出去了。   FML

 

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

早上起来的时候发觉头上有个包,完了以后我老婆跟我讲,昨天夜里不知道咋回事儿,估计是做恶梦了,突然站起来一边喊一边往外跑,然后就怼墙上了。FML

转载于:https://my.oschina.net/dwbin/blog/863442

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