A guy rushes into a bar and shouts, "Who's the strongest in here?"
The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"
The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"
There was a primary school teacher who took her students to see an art gallery. There everyone looked, looked and looked, and one student kept pulling the teacher's dress, saying, "Teacher, Teacher, I think we'd better get out of here quickly."
And the teacher said, "Why is that?"
So the student replied, "If we stay here longer, everyone will think that we were the students who did all these paintings."
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
“Have any of your childhood hopes been realized?”
“Yes. When mother used to pull my hair I wished that I didn’t have any.”
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."