Jokes about Jeff Dean

1. Compilers don’t warn Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean warns compilers.

    Compilers warn you when your code is doing something that isn't an error but might not be correct. Jeff knows better than the compiler

2.Jeff Dean builds his code before committing it, but only to check for compiler and linker bugs.

    Jeff's code can never be wrong, so he compiles it only to ensure that the compiler and linker are free from bugs.

3.Jeff Dean puts his pants on one leg at a time, but if he had more legs, you would see that his approach is O(log n).

    Jeff's pants-wearing algorithm scales logarithmically rather than linearly, so he'd spend less time dressing per leg the more legs he had

4.When he heard that Jeff Dean's autobiography would be exclusive to the platform, Richard Stallman bought a Kindle

    Richard Stallman is famously rabidly against any non-free software, and would never ever purchase or use a Kindle. But Jeff Dean is so interesting, he'd violate all his principles [to read his autobiography]

5.Jeff Dean writes directly in binary. He then writes the source code as a documentation for other developers

    All code is [electronically] compiled into a binary representation before it's executed, and Jeff is so good he can code directly to that representation, and only writes source code so mere human programmers can understand how it works.

6.During his own Google interview, Jeff Dean was asked the implications if P=NP were true. He said, "P = 0 or N = 1." Then, before the interviewer had even finished laughing, Jeff examined Google’s public certificate and wrote the private key on the whiteboard.

    P vs. NP is the most famous unsolved problem in computer science, but Jeff treats it as a straight up algebra problem. Then he derives google's private key from their public certificate in his head, which is impossible even for a supercomputer.

7.The x86-64 spec includes several undocumented instructions marked 'private use.' They are actually for Jeff Dean's use.

    Private undocumented CPU instructions aren't supposed to be used by anyone, but these rules don't apply to Jeff.

8.When Jeff Dean has an ergonomic evaluation, it is for the protection of his keyboard.
    Usually ergonomic evaluation corrects your posture for your health, but Jeff's is for his keyboard's health because he's so badass.

9.All pointers point to Jeff Dean.
    Pointers are C variables that point to a memory location, they're a core element of C coding. Jeff is the center of the programming universe.

10.The rate at which Jeff Dean produces code jumped by a factor of 40 in late 2000 when he upgraded his keyboard to USB 2.0.
    Dean's coding was slowed down by the speed of the interface between his keyboard and his computer.