To be a man

What does it mean to be a man today?

   这个题目是什么意思？让男人回归本真：强壮而不失温和，勇敢而不失温情；勇于追求并拥有美好的事物，关心他人、勤劳、幽默、温柔、充满智慧……

 

   男人在不同的人生阶段担任着不同的社会角色，而且总是不断交织在一起，赋予了男性这一形象的多样性。在向成功的彼岸努力奋斗的过程中，男人逐渐丧失了许多本应具备的品格，许多的负面评价也随之而来：怯于承诺、自负、回避交流、虚伪等等。男人在拥抱成功、拥抱世界的同时，如何找回真正的自己？

一个男人如何既表现自己的男子气概，又不显得冷漠无情或自我封闭？一个男人最好的表现自己的方式是什么呢？

How can men consciously express their masculinity without becoming cold or closed-hearted on the one hand… or wimpy and emasculated on the other? What’s the most loving way for a conscious man to express himself?
　　下面是１０种方法，让你活得更像男人。Here are 10 ways to live more consciously as a man:

　　１．成为拿主意的人
　　真正的男人懂得且尊重选择。他过着他自己想要的生活。他知道，当他做出选择时，生命就向前发展，当他停止选择时，生命也随之停顿了。

A man understands and respects the power of choice. He lives a life of his own creation. He knows that life stagnates when he fails to decide and flourishes when he chooses a clear path.

当真正的男人做出选择时，他打开了他希望打开的那扇门，同时关上了他希望关上的门。他就像一枚导弹一样锁定了目标。他清楚，没有任何人可以保证他最终达到目标，事实上他并不需要这种保证。他只是简单地享受按下发射按钮的快乐。

When a man makes a decision, he opens the door he wants and closes the doors he doesn’t want. He locks onto his target like a guided missile. There’s no guarantee he’ll reach his target, and he knows this, but he doesn’t need such guarantees. He simply enjoys the sense of inevitability that comes from pushing the launch button.

　　真正的男人不需要别人的肯定。他更希望追随自己的内心。当一个男人能够倾听自己内心的声音时，即使整个世界都跟他做对，都无所谓。

1. Make real decisions.

 A man doesn’t require the approval of others. He’s willing to follow his heart wherever it leads him. When a man is following his heart-centered path, it’s of little consequence if the entire world is against him.

 　　２．为了你的理想而活着，不要为了某些人而活着

　　如果一个男人说他的首要责任是他的妻子或家庭的话，他要么是在说假话，要么是太软弱，这种人不能相信。他把忠诚放错了地方。一个男人把个人的价值凌驾于他自己的理想之上是可悲的，他不是一个在思想上自由的人。

A man who claims his #1 commitment in life is his relationship partner (or his family) is either too dishonest or too weak to be trusted. His loyalties are misplaced. A man who values individuals above his own integrity is a wretch, not a free thinker.
　　一个男人知道，他必须把自己奉献给比满足一小撮人的需要更加伟大的事情上去。他不想被驯服，但他希望承担更加伟大的责任和更加巨大的挑战。他知道，当他在伟大面前退缩，他将不再是一个完全的男人。当别人看到他坚持自己的信念毫不妥协，即便是得不到直接的支持，他也至少会获得信任和尊敬。一个男人违反自己的价值观行事时，一定会失去别人的尊敬，也会失去他对自己的尊敬。

A man knows he must commit to something greater than satisfying the needs of a few people. He’s not willing to be domesticated, but he is willing to accept the responsibility that comes with greater challenges. He knows that when he shirks that duty, he becomes something less than a man. When others observe that the man is unyieldingly committed to his values and ideals, he gains their trust and respect, even when he cannot gain their direct support. The surest way for a man to lose the respect of others (as well as his self-respect) is to violate his own values.

　　生活会考验一个男人，看他是忠于某些人还是忠于自己的原则。会有很多诱惑摆在他的面前，来检验他的信念。当一个男人正直地活着，为了自己的信念而活着，他将会得到丰厚的回报，而当一个男人苟且地活着，没有原则地活着，那他将得到最大的惩罚。无论何时，只要这个男人选择了牺牲掉自己的原则，那他就失去了自由，也失去了自我，最终变成一个可怜虫。

2. Put your relationships second.

 Life will test the man to see if he’s willing to put loyalty to others ahead of loyalty to his principles. The man will be offered many temptations to expose his true loyalties. A man’s greatest reward is to live with integrity, and his greatest punishment is what he inflicts upon himself for placing anything above his integrity. Whenever the man sacrifices his integrity, he loses his freedom… and himself as well. He becomes an object of pity.

　　３．愿意失败Be willing to fail.

真正的男人，是愿意犯错误的。他会不断地尝试，即使不断地失败也无所谓，因为他知道，这比无所事事要强得多。

A man is willing to make mistakes. He’s willing to be wrong. He’d rather try and fail than do nothing.

　　一个男人的自信是他最宝贵的财产之一。当他犹豫时，当他害怕失败时，他就把自己贬低了。一个聪明的男人可以预见到失败，但他绝不会去无谓地担心。他接受失败，一旦失败，他也可以积极地应对。A man’s self-trust is one of his greatest assets. When he second-guesses himself by worrying about failure, he diminishes himself. An intelligent man considers the prospect of failure, but he doesn’t preoccupy himself with pointless worry. He accepts that if a failure outcome occurs, he can deal with it.

男人在失败中比在成功中更容易成长。成功对于他来说不是考验，而失败则可以测试他的决心和毅力。虽然成功对人来说也是一种挑战，但失败却因为充满风险而让男人能从中学到更多。当男人过于小心翼翼，他的生命就失去了活力，他的生活也变得狭窄。

A man grows more from failure than he does from success. Success cannot test his resolve in the way that failure can. Success has its challenges, but a man learns more about himself when he takes on challenges that involve risk. When a man plays it safe, his vitality is lost, and he loses his edge.

　　４．自信 Be confident.

  　真正的男人不会刻意去表现自信，因为他知道自己终将成功。A man speaks and acts with confidence. He owns his attitude.

他知道，失败只是一个可能的结果，即使成功率明显不高，他仍然会散发出自信。这不是因为他故意掩饰，也不是因为他不愿承认，而是因为他要证明给自己看，他有超越自我的能力。这些造就了他最重要的两个品质——勇气和坚持。

A man doesn’t adopt a confident posture because he knows he’ll succeed. He often knows that failure is a likely outcome. But when the odds of success are clearly against him, he still exudes confidence. It isn’t because he’s ignorant or suffering from denial. It’s because he’s proving to himself that he has the strength to transcend his self-doubt. This builds his courage and persistence, two of his most valuable allies.

　　真正的男人可以被全世界打败，可以被他无法控制的环境击垮，但他拒绝被自卑压倒。他知道，当他不再相信自己，他就一定会失败。他可以向命运妥协，但绝不会向恐惧低头。

A man is willing to be defeated by the world. He’s willing to be taken down by circumstances beyond his control. But he refuses to be overwhelmed by his own self-doubt. He knows that when he stops trusting himself, he is surely lost. He’ll surrender to fate when necessary, but he won’t surrender to fear.

　　５．积极地表达爱情 Express love actively.

    真正的男人应该积极地给予别人爱，而不是一个被动地接受者。他应该是第一个发起谈话的人，第一个嘘寒问暖的人，第一个说“我爱你”的人。对于男人来说，等待别人率先采取行动是不合适的。在你不打开心胸采取行动之前，这个世界不会主动拥抱你。
   A man is an active giver of love, not a passive receiver. A man is the first to initiate a conversation, the first to ask for what’s needed, and the first to say “I love you.” Waiting for someone else to make the first move is unbecoming of him. The universe does not respond positively to his hesitation. Only when he’s in motion do the floodgates of abundance open.

 　男人是发动机。跟别人分享他的爱是他的工作，是他的义务。他必须避免自己依靠从别人那里获得能量，而变成一个能量的释放者，把能量传递给整个世界。当他接受了这个角色，他将会毫无疑问地成为一个真正的男人。
   Man is the out-breath of source energy. It is his job — his duty — to share his love with the world. He must wean himself from suckling the energy of others and become a vibrant transmitter of energy himself. He must allow that energy to flow from source, through him, and into the world. When he assumes this role, he has no doubt he is living as his true self.

　　６．让性欲变得合理 Re-channel sex energy.

    真正的男人不隐藏他的性欲。如果别人因为他太男人而在他面前退缩，他将毫不在意。对于他来说，没有任何必要为了避免吓坏害羞的人而降低自己的能量。真正的男人接受性别赋予他的一切，他从不为自己的天性而感到愧疚。
  A man doesn’t hide his sexuality. If others shrink from him because he’s too masculine, he allows them to have their reaction. There’s no need for him to lower his energy just to avoid frightening the timid. A man accepts the consequences of being male; he makes no apologies for his nature.

 不过，真正的男人绝不会允许自己被欲望左右。他会把性欲带来的能量分配一些给大脑和内心，让这些能量为更高的理想服务而不是仅仅停留在动物本能的阶段。
    A man is careful not to allow his energy to get stuck at the level of lust. He re-channels much of his sexual energy into his heart and head, where it can serve his higher values instead of just his animal instincts. (You can do this by visualizing the energy rising, expanding, and eventually flowing throughout your entire body and beyond.)

A man channels his sexual energy into his heart-centered pursuits. He feels such energy pulsing within him, driving him to action. He feels uncomfortable standing still. He allows his sexual energy to explode through his heart, not just his genitals.

   真正的男人会把性欲带来的能量输送给他的内心，为他的理想服务。他会感觉到这种能量在身体里脉动，给他行动的力量。他会为无所事事而不舒服，他让这些能量通过他的内心而爆发，而不是让它们仅仅通过生殖器而爆发。

　　７．直面恐惧 Face your fears.

    For a man, being afraid of something is reason enough to do it. A man’s fear is a call to be tested. When a man hides from his fears, he knows he’s fallen out of alignment with his true self. He feels weak, depressed, and helpless. No matter how hard he tries to comfort himself and achieve a state of peace, he cannot overcome his inner feeling of dread. Only when facing his fears does a man experience peace.

    一个人因为某种原因产生恐惧是非常正常的。恐惧是你将受到考验的信号。当一个男人掩饰自己的恐惧时，他清楚自己在丧失自我。他会感受到软弱，沮丧和无助。无论他怎么努力让自己平静下来，他都无法遏制发自内心的恐惧。只有直面恐惧，他才能获得平静。
    A man makes a friend of risk. He doesn’t run and hide from the tests of fear. He turns toward them and engages them boldly.

 　真正的男人会同危险成为朋友。在恐惧面前他不会逃避，他转过身，面对恐惧，并由此获得勇气。
A man succeeds or fails. A coward never makes the attempt. Specific outcomes are of less concern to a man than his direction. 　真正的男人，要么失败，要么成功，不尝试的人就是懦夫，真正的男人更看重方向是否正确，而不是具体的结果如何。
 　当一个男人踏上正确的道路，直面恐惧时，他更像是一个真正的男人。当他战胜恐惧时，就像一个在暴风雨中航行的勇士一样，让他更像一个男人了。
    A man feels like a man whenever he faces the right way, staring straight into his fears. He feels even more like a man when he advances in the direction of his fears, as if sailing on the winds of an inner scream.

 　　８．毫无保留地支持朋友Honor the masculinity of other men.

When a man sees a male friend undertaking a new venture that will clearly lead to failure, what does the man do? Does he warn his friend off such a path? No, the man encourages his friend to continue. The man knows it’s better for his friend to strike out confidently and learn from the failure experience. The man honors his friend’s decision to reach out and make the attempt. The man won’t deny his friend the benefits of a failure experience. The man may offer his friend guidance, but he knows his friend must fail repeatedly in order to develop self-trust and courage.

   真正的男人，看到自己的男性同伴做一件注定会失败的事情时，该怎么办？他应该去劝阻吗？不，他应该鼓励他的朋友继续下去。因为真正的男人知道，让他的朋友充满自信地奋斗，从失败当中吸取教训，获得经验，是最好的选择。真正的男人尊重朋友的选择，鼓励朋友去尝试。真正的男人不会否定他的朋友用失败来换取经验。他会帮助他的朋友，但他知道，他的朋友必须不断地失败，才能获得勇气和自信。
   When you see a man at the gym struggling to lift a heavy weight, do you jump in and say, “Here… let me help you with that. Maybe the two of us can lift it together”? No, that would rob him of the growth experience — and probably make a quick enemy of him as well.

    当你看到一个男人在健身房里使劲浑身力气举起沉重的杠铃时，你会过去跟他说“让我帮你把它举起来”吗？当然不会！因为这不是在帮他，说得严重一点儿，这是在与他作对。
  The male path is filled with obstacles. It typically includes more failures than successes. These obstacles help a man discover what’s truly important to him. Through repeated failures a man learns to persist in the pursuit of worthy goals and to abandon goals that are unworthy of him. 　

男人的生命，应该是充满艰难险阻的，应该是失败多于成功的。这些障碍会让他发现什么东西对他来说是真正重要的。通过不断的失败，真正的男人会学会如何坚持追求真正有价值的东西，放弃没有价值的追求。
 A man can handle being knocked down many times. For every physical setback he experiences, he enjoys a spiritual advancement, and that is enough for him.

 　真正的男人即使被一次次地打倒，也能一次次地站起来。他经历的每一次打击，都是一次精神上的进步，对于他来说，这就足够了。
　 ９．负起对亲人的责任. Accept responsibility for your relationships.
　　真正的男人会自主地选择朋友，爱人及其它所有伙伴。他会积极主动地寻找那些给他带来启示和挑战的伙伴，也会有意识地避开那些拖他后腿的人。

A man chooses his friends, lovers, and associates consciously. He actively seeks out the company of people who inspire and challenge him, and he willingly sheds those who hold him back.

真正的男人在遇到人际关系上的问题时，不会责怪别人。当一个关系不再适合他时，他会主动要求分开，既不会责怪别人，也不会抱有歉疚。

A man doesn’t blame others for his relationship problems. When a relationship is no longer compatible with his heart-centered path, he initiates the break-up and departs without blame or guilt.

真正的男人在人际关系中是可靠的。他会负责人地对待别人，即使别人不负责地对待他，他也会以自己的行动化解这些不和谐。

A man holds himself accountable for the relationships he allows into his life. He holds others accountable for their behavior, but he holds himself accountable for his decision to tolerate such behavior.

真正的男人通过他仔细经营的人际关系来告诉别人，他希望和什么样的人交朋友。他决绝让自己的生命充满了不和谐的关系，更不用说具有破坏性的关系，他知道，这些都是一种自虐。

A man teaches others how to treat him by the relationships he’s willing to allow into his life. A man refuses to fill his life with negative or destructive relationships; he knows that’s a form of self-abuse.

 10. Die well. 平静地死去

 对于一个男人来说，最大的挑战就是提高内心的力量，找到真正的自己。他必须学会把自己的爱毫无保留地同全世界分享。当一个男人对于他在这方面的所作所为感到满意时，他就能平静地死去。但如果他在这方面没有成功，死亡就会变成他的敌人，整天困扰着他。
A man’s great challenge is to develop the inner strength to express his true self. He must learn to share his love with the world without holding back. When a man is satisfied that he’s done that, he can make peace with death. But if he fails to do so, death becomes his enemy and haunts him all the days of his life.

 A man cannot die well unless he lives well. A man lives well when he accepts his mortality and draws strength from knowing that his physical existence is temporary. When a man faces and accepts the inevitability of death… when he learns to see death as his ally instead of his enemy… he’s finally able to express his true self. So a man isn’t ready to live until he accepts that he’s already dead.

　男人，只有活得好，才能平静地死去。如何才能活得好呢？他需要接受自己终将死去的事实，并从中获得力量。当一个男人直面无法避免的死亡时，当一个男人把死亡看做是伙伴而不是敌人时，他就能找到真实的自己。所以，真正的男人只有接受了死亡才能好好地生活。