朋友圈中的英语

She heard me sniffling and gave me a napkin.

她听到我在吸鼻子，就给我送来了纸巾。

(Hacker is just) hecking into the database trying to figure out who's a good boy.

黑客刚刚入侵了数据库想知道谁是好孩子

Doggo: Hello,I'd like to report a missing owner

officer：How long have they been missing？

Doggo: 12 seconds.

隐匿者/小狗：你好，我想找一下我失踪的主人。

警官：他们失踪多久了？

隐匿者/小狗：足足有12秒了。

If I wait here,

If I just wait here,

Would you drive slowly or just speed down the road？

如果我在这候着你，

如果我就守在这，

你在这条路上会开得慢一点或者降下速度吗？

excuse me sir， do you know how fast you were going？

这位朋友，你知道你刚刚有多快吗？

officer：How many treats have you had?

Doggo: Yeah,4:30pm

Officer:You're under arrest.

警察： 你刚刚喝了多少？

隐匿者/小狗：现在四点半了。

警察：你被捕了。

when you send him a selfie with no makeup and he asks "who's that?"

当你发给他一张素颜自拍时，他问“这是谁？”

There's plenty of fish in the sea， so stay the fuck away from my fish.

林子那么大 别老盯着我的鸟

锅里还有，别抢我的鱼.

一个人做错事之后还想跟我复合我是不会答应的，因为我已经告诉我麻麻你的所作所为

When people try to come back into my life doing me wrong...Sorry I can't cause I already told my mom what you did.

What my girlfriend thought， first 4 dates:

1. Nice shirt.

2. Wow. A second niec shirt.

3. Okay, first shirt again.

4. He has two shirts.

我和我女友前四次约会时她的心理活动：

1. 衬衫不错

 2. 今天这件也可以

 3.又是第一次约会时那件

 4. 好吧这屌丝只有两件衣服

Cute Nicknames to call your Girlfriend;

1 . Sugar

2. Honey

3. Flour

4. Eggs

5. 1 Cup of butter

6. Stir

7. Spanish Inquisition

8. Pour into a Pan

9 . Preheat to 190C

给你的女盆友起昵称：

1.糖

2.蜂蜜

3.面粉

4.鸡蛋

5.一杯黄油

6.搅拌

7.西班牙宗教法庭(这个有点不懂，做菜哪个步骤能跟它匹配上？)

8.倒入锅里

9.预热190 c

The darkest nights produce the brightest stars.

夜愈黑，星愈亮。

The cost of not following your heart, is spending the rest of your life wishing you had.

你要用余生来后悔当初没有为自己活过。

Sometimes, it's not the person you miss, it's the feelings, moments and memories you had with them.
所思非故人，皆因往事如情深。

I buy myself an extravagant gift every month when I get my period to remind myself what I'd be giving up if I ever got pregnant.

每个月当我大姨妈来临时，我都会买给我自己一个奢侈的礼物，用来提醒我自己当我怀孕时我会放弃什么。

Sometimes I think I want to have a baby and then I just think I am not even responsible enough for white jeans.

有时候，我会想要个孩子，但是我又想到我甚至都没办法对我的白牛仔裤负责。

Can we break up somewhere else? This is my favorite Whole Foods.

我们可以找个其他地方分手吗?这是我最喜欢的一家超市。

Girl to homeless guy:

Hey, I can run into McDonald's and get you a burger?

Um... I'm actually a vegetarian just get me some large fries, and iced tea and an apple pie instead.

女孩对流浪汉说： 嗨，我可以去麦当劳给你买个汉堡？

流浪汉：额...其实我是一个素食主义者，给我买大份薯条，一杯冰茶和一个苹果派吧。

I wanted to do something cultrual, so I took him to the Getty and he actually touched a fucking painting. He was like, ' Is this real' Alarms went off, security came to us, I was so embarraseed. He's from Florida, so it was his first time at a museum.

我想做点文艺的事情，所以我带他去了盖蒂博物馆，他竟然用手摸画，还说 “这是否真的吗？”。警报响了，保安来到我们这里，我很尴尬。他来自佛罗里达，这是他第一次去博物馆。

the Getty museum 盖蒂博物馆

I need to start saving people's numbers. I accidentally had lunch with the wrong person the other day.

我认为我该存人们的电话号码了，那天打电话约人吃饭，结果来的不是我想约的那个人。

I mean，she just seems like such a good person to date; She's not an alcoholic, She's not severely metnally ill, she has a cool dag.

我觉得跟她交往好像还不错，她不是酒鬼，也没有什么严重的精神病，还有条很酷的狗。

Don't waste your tears on that boy. LA is a desert, you need to stay hydrated

不要为那个男的浪费眼泪了，洛杉矶是个沙漠，你要注意保持水分啊。

hydrated   ['haɪdreɪtɪd] a 含水的

Girl to Stranger in tight parking space: Oh my God how did you park in that spot? That's amazing! What's your birthday?

Uh,September 22nd

Libra!Yes!Makes sense.

女孩和陌生人在一个狭窄的停车空间

陌生人：我的天，你是怎么停到这个地方的？太厉害了，你生日什么时候？

女孩：9月22日

陌生人：天秤座：难怪。

Excuse me, can I read your palms? You just have a beautiful energy and I could feel it from across the parking lot.

That's my anxiety discorder.

打扰了，我可以看下你的手相吗？你隔着一个停车场都感受到你无与伦比的力量

那是我的焦虑症。

parking lot 停车场

palm  [pɑːm] n 手掌

anxiety discorder n 焦虑症

I‘m dating a guy that's 6'7''

Is he hot?

He's 6'7'' it doesn't matter. I don't even think I've seen his face yet.

我正在跟一个身高2米的男生约会。

他帅吗？

他两米哎，帅不帅都是其次了。我好像连他的脸都没看到。

How did you get a 105% on your final?

Oh my teacher gives us extra credit if we follow her on Instagram.

为什么你期末考了105分。

如果我们在Instagram上粉她的话，老师会给我们加额外的分。

Cashier:How are you today?

Customer: ok

Cashier: Life isn't supposed to be lived 'just ok'.

Customer: Look, i just came here for some coconut water. Not a fucking life coach.

收银员：你今天过得怎么样？

顾客：还好

收银员：人生不能仅仅是过得还好。

顾客：听着，我来这只是想买椰子水的，不是找人生导师的。

coconut ['kəʊkənʌt] n 椰子

God I love protesting. Expressing myself and getting my 10,000 steps. It's a win-win.

我好喜欢抗议游行。既可以表达自己同事又可以走10,000步。这是双赢。

protest [prəˈtest;ˈprəʊtest] n 抗议；游行

Customer： You close at 6:30,right?

Barista: Yes, but we close emotionally at 6.

顾客： 你们6点半关门，是吗？

咖啡师：是的，但是我们精神上6点已经关门了。

barista [bə'rɪstə] n 咖啡师

Waitress : Is there anything else you like?

Customer: Yes.I like to be left lone.

服务员：您还有什么喜欢的吗？

顾客：我想一个个静静地买东西。

guy1 : I think i want her back.

guy2: Did she get a haircut when you broke up?

guy1: Yean?

guy2：You're out of luck.She doesn't want you back.

我想跟她复合。

当你和她分手时，她有没有剪新的的发型。

剪了，怎么？

不行啊，她不想跟你复合。

bouncer: Sorry, I need to see an ID.

girl: I told you...I’m 30. Why would anyone lie about that.

bouncer ['baʊnsə] 夜店保安

夜店保安：不好意思，我要看下你的身份证

女孩：我告诉你我已经30了。有哪个姑娘会撒这种谎？

what's wrong, why are you so quiet?

Nothing,I'm fine. I'm just saving my personality for when everyone else gets here.

你咋了，为什么这么安静。

没什么，我很好，在所有人都来之前，我不能浪费我的活力。

Every psycho I've ever dated was a Leo
Every psycho I've ever dated believed in Astrology.
跟我约过会的神经病都是狮子座，跟我约过会的神经病都相信
psycho  ['saɪkəʊ] n 精神病患者
leo ['li:əu] n 狮子座
astrology [ə'strɒlədʒɪ] n 星座


And then he texted me as soon as he got Wi-Fi in Mexico.
That's all I want... To be someone's first thought once they get Wi-Fi.
他到墨西哥找到Wi-Fi后就立马联系我了。
我就想成为默认第一个想要联系的人，一旦他们联上Wi-Fi.


We had to fire the nanny... my husband found her on an escort site.
Why was he looking up escorts?
我们不得不解雇解雇保姆...我丈夫在一个应召网站上发现了她。
为什么你丈夫看应召网站?
nanny ['nænɪ] n 保姆
escort  ['eskɔːt] n 应召女郎