(transshipment)What should you never say to a programmer?

Well, as a programmer myself, there are a lot of things, that I find immensely annoying. I usually ignore them, but I figured that this would be a good chance to rant a bit, so without further ado, here’s my list in no particular order:

• I have this great app idea, and if you code it for me, i’ll give you a percentage of my company: Like really dude? REALLY? Had it ever occurred to these people that we could just code the app, and keep 100% of the company? And furthermore, why is it that every time a person approaches me with something like this, it’s never a good idea. Might be related to their inadequate logical thinking.

• Programmers are highly overpaid: Like shut up man, be cool, we don’t want people to find out… But seriously though, programming has a low entry barrier, i admit, but to actually be a respectable developer, and be paid as such, it would take you years of learning and practice, not to mention enough passion and love for the craft, to keep improving yourself and stay on top of the game.

• Can you teach me how to code, and help me land a job: I have nothing against people who want to learn new skills and improve their life. But to be honest, no one has the time nor the patience to teach anyone something as complicated as development on their own time, unless they’re being paid for it. I’d however be more than happy to help someone who approaches me with: “Been learning coding for a few months now, and i can’t seem to wrap my head around this concept”. Now this is someone who shows initiative, I feel more inclined to help.

• I loved the demo you sent us, but i showed it to my assistant, associate, partner, wife, gardener and pizza delivery guy, and i’ve complied this 300 pages list of their notes: People like this, are the reason I drink.

• This should be an easy feature to implement: Clients don’t really have an understanding of what constitutes hard and easy, and it’s really understandable, but c’mon guys, seriously. Stop. What you might consider as hard, can take a couple of hours to implement, and what you’d consider easy can take a few years and a couple of million dollars. So how about you pitch your ideas, and let us professionals decide what’s easy and what’s not.

• Ow! You’re a programmer? Can you fix my printer?: F*ck you, and f*ck your piece of sh*t printer.