ptoday_19_11_03_WhyDon’tWeKnowHowtoProtectOurTime

Why Don’t We Know How to Protect Our Time?

The cognitive errors that make us waste our most valuable resource

整合自己想法的总结

1. 不知不觉的浪费时间：有时候不可避免需要和啰嗦的邻居互动，需要自己多花额外的时间去回复邮件、忙工作上大大小小的事，开不完的不同会议，把时间很平均的浪费在我们认为“合理”以上这些事情上。

2. 时间与钱：我们经常认为浪费时间是没什么所谓的，觉得我们时间有的是，而且可气的是，我们还顺理成章的样子，但浪费钱却不行，因为我们心底会会觉得钱是有价值的，而时间却不一定，特别是花在家人的时间上。

3. 觉得合情合理的浪费时间，四大原因：

   1. 认为我们自己有足够多的时间，觉得浪费一点点也可以接受
   2. 总是在意其他人的感受，担心自己说不，会让对方不喜欢。
   3. 没有意识到要让自己的时间都充满价值
   4. 缺少时间的价值观与方法，潜意识更倾向于接受“轻松”的事情

4. 原因一：认为我们自己有足够多的时间，觉得浪费一点点也可以接受

浪费时间在时间轴体现在平均上，比如开一个没什么价值的会议，需要1小时找开会的地方，1小时开会，1小时找地方住，不知不觉时间就浪费掉了，但是自己会觉得很合情合理，但也因为时间被平均掉了，零散后的时间也做不了其他更有价值的事。

5. 原因二：总是在意其他人的感受，担心自己说不会让对方不喜欢。

我们应该把角度转到爱自己和自己爱的人身上，比如我们的家人，因为我们如果把自己宝贵的时间浪费在一些“琐事”上（比如毫无意义的聊天），那么我们给家人互动的时间也就会相对应的减少，而这是很不值得的，毕竟孰重孰轻这毋庸置疑。

5. 原因三：没有意识到要让自己的时间都充满价值

需要强调自己的时间是能够创造更多有价值的事情，树立这种价值观。这样子即使是被要求做某一些事，我们打心底也知道哪些事更值得做。

6. 原因四：缺少时间的价值观与方法，潜意识更倾向于接受“轻松”的事情

我们经常会刷bilibili，刷着刷着时间就过去了，而且会上瘾；这是我们缺少时间价值观，我们会更舒服的接受更加轻松的事情；有时候也意识到这样子做不妥，但是却没有一个合理的手段告诉并阻止自己不该这么做。

8. 时间与帮忙：当然在别人要寻求一些帮助，自己为了实现更高价值而拒绝的同时，可以提供一些建议，维持好各自关系。

9. 争取时间：把一些乱七八糟的事情都放下，无意义的聊天、不重要的会议、不紧急的邮件等等，这样子才会有大块的聚集时间去投入更有价值的事情，比如陪伴家人，比如学习某个知识难点或看一本自己想看的书（大块的时间才更能够沉下心思考）

10. 己所不欲勿施于人：明白自己时间的宝贵，同样也要尊重别人的时间！需要互相尊重，怎样对待自己，也要同样的态度去理解其他人的时间，不能侵犯他们时间上的自由。

11. start now：看完这篇文章，就开始珍惜自己的时间吧！

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Credit: Westend61/Getty

All day, we let it happen. A neighbor comes by and babbles on about a bunch of nonsense, and we politely nod, even if we are in a hurry. Or some co-workers start gossiping about something petty, and we let ourselves get drawn in, never stopping to think about the time wasted. Or we get a message from an acquaintance that says, “Can I pick your brain?” We tell them, “Sure thing!” because isn’t it rude to say no?

Stoic philosopher Seneca once marveled at how stupid even the smartest people are when it comes to protecting their time: “No person hands out their money to passersby, but to how many do each of us hand out our lives! We’re tightfisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.”

More than 2,000 years later, why are we still allowing our most valuable resource to slip from our grasp? I believe there are four reasons.

We think we have plenty of time

We’re told we’ll live, on average, to age 78. That seems like a nearly unlimited amount of time. Of course we can spare 20 minutes here or there. Sure, I’ll agree to that meeting across town that’s going to take me an hour to get to, an hour to get back from, and an hour after that to get settled back in. It’s just another Tuesday, right?

We don’t realize that death hangs over all of us. Lifespans are averages. Nothing is guaranteed. More importantly, time, like money, compounds. So when you’re wasting time, you’re wasting not only the few minutes in front of you, but all that would have been possible had you saved it and directed it properly.

We’re afraid people won’t like hearing “no”

We don’t want to be the bad guy. So we say yes — or we say “maybe”— when we really want to decline.

Nothing helped me shake this off quite like having kids. I realized that when I agreed to some unnecessary obligation, the person who suffered was an innocent two-year-old. You have to understand that saying “yes” to this means you are saying “no” to that. And that is often family or other people you care about most. So today, I have a lot less trouble ignoring an email from someone I don’t want to talk to or in giving a firm “no” to something that doesn’t serve my purpose. Because as mean as that might seem, it’s a lot less mean than letting my son go to bed without a hug from me.

We don’t value ourselves enough

Part of the reason we lack the confidence to say “no” and are afraid of hurting people’s feelings is that we don’t think we deserve to put ourselves first. There is a haunting clip in which Joan Rivers, well into her seventies, already one of the most accomplished and respected and talented comedians of all time, is asked why she keeps working, why she is always on the road, always looking for more gigs. Telling the interviewer about the fear that drives her, she holds up an empty calendar and says, “If my book ever looked like this, it would mean that nobody wants me, that everything I ever tried to do in life didn’t work. Nobody cared and I’ve been totally forgotten.”

God, how sad is that? This was Joan Rivers that we’re talking about. None of us are immune to the need to be in demand. One of the reasons why I charge for my time — whether as a marketer or a writer — is that I know what I am worth, but I also remind myself that my fee is not my worth. The key is to be firm, but keep your identity out of it.

We have not developed the muscle required for enforcing boundaries

Since most of us don’t have any good systems in place, we default to our weaknesses. We default to pulling out a phone to see what’s going on. We let Netflix and YouTube auto-suggest the next video and the next video and the next video. We let LinkedIn messages and Twitter DMs go right to our inbox, where people can ask us to do things. Our boss can text us at 2 a.m. Think about the offices we used to see in movies — they were big and tucked away behind doors and had secretaries in front of them. Now everyone has an open office where anyone can find them at any time.

Without any protection, we’re put on the spot and far more susceptible to pressure and short-term thinking. A pilot or an EMT doesn’t have this problem. They say, “No sorry, I’m on call tomorrow. I can’t go out.” The boss in the movies used to be able to tell his secretary, “Don’t tell anyone I’m here.”

I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I want my life to look like. Every minute I spend on a phone call that could have been an email, or a meeting that could have been a phone cal, is time I didn’t get to spend writing. It’s time I didn’t spend with my family. I often talk to my assistant about protecting my calendar. (Never more than three things in one day is a rule we have.) When I pull up my schedule and it’s mostly blank, unlike Joan Rivers, I feel awesome.

I know where I want to spend my time — and I don’t want it taken without my consent. I know what it’s worth.

But here’s the other thing: You can say no while still helping people. While I can’t respond to every email I get, I try to take the topics that people have questions about and write articles to address them. And when I say no to requests, I try to think: “No, but I am willing to do _______ instead.” There is a generosity to helping people in this way, but also a benefit if the favor is managed properly.

A smart philanthropist gives away their excess profit, but not the principal that allows them to keep earning money to give away. Applying this to time management took a lot of mistakes for me to learn. I get better at it as I go.

I know I am not antisocial, but I do take my security seriously. I know where I want to spend my time — and I don’t want it taken without my consent. I know what it’s worth.

As I’ve said before, stillness is the key to the kind of life you want, to all the things that make the good life possible.

So I avoid phone calls. I decline meeting requests. I’d rather not get a quick coffee. I don’t like podcast invitations. And I ignore most of the emails I get sent.

That’s not how I want to spend my precious life and I’m not going to be guilted into doing it. I’m going to try not to inflict those things on other people. Because it’s not that my time is more valuable than anyone else’s, it’s that time is valuable period, and we need to respect that.

Starting now.

from ： https://forge.medium.com/why-dont-we-know-how-to-protect-our-time-a88859deea2e

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单词学习

• susceptible 易受影响的；易感动的；容许…的
• immue 免疫的；免于……的，免除的
• philanthropist 慈善家
• inflict 遭受
• secretaries 秘书，大臣
• principal 主要的，资本，当事人
• generosity 大方的