心事20190910

1.我的人生之谈了一场恋爱，那是五六年前了。到底是太在乎她，还是对她的好太留恋，还是我的心已经死了还是遇不到爱的人还是胆小不敢表达还是不够自信，终究是这么多年了，孤独了这么多年。

   失去的已经没有了留念，对爱情是失去了憧憬了吗？是畏惧再次失去？

1. My life talked about a love, it was five or six years ago. In the end, I care too much about her, or is it too reluctant to her, or is my heart dead or still not in love? I am still timid and not confident enough. After all, it has been so many years, lonely for so many years.

   Lost has no memory, is it lost to love? Is fear lost again?

2.我这一生从不畏惧谁，也没有人给我留下难忘的、一生的伤疤。但是自从高中，就出现一个人深深的伤害着我，一点点的刺穿我的心房，一点点打碎我的心，一点点冷却我的心的温度。

  高中时候没有一件像样的衣服，给自己的亲爹说需要200元买衣服（当初他很穷的的时候因为继母多看了一眼一件900衣服二话不说的就埋买了，广安的冬天，现在想想那么多个冬天是怎么度过的），他直接说没有。找他借，他也说没有。我说我找二叔借200我自己还（我爹老大，二叔只听他的，错的也是对的，二叔亲口和他女儿说的），也骂我不 懂事，不理解他们，还让继母来批评我说我不懂事。打电话找姐姐，姐姐打电话个爹，结果爹说他不管我了，让我姐姐养我。骂了姐姐一通。后来，还是姐姐拿钱给我的买了衣服，那个冬天稍微温暖些许。

2. I have never feared anyone in my life, and no one has left me with an unforgettable, life-long scar. But since high school, there has been a person who has deeply hurt me, piercing my heart a little bit, breaking my heart a little, cooling the temperature of my heart a little.

  When I was in high school, I didn’t have a decent dress. I told my relatives that I needed 200 yuan to buy clothes. (When he was very poor, because his stepmother saw a 900-piece dress and bought it, he bought it in winter. Now think about how many winters have been spent.) He said no directly. Looking for him to borrow, he also said no. I said that I am looking for the second uncle to borrow 200 myself. (I am the boss, the second uncle only listens to him, the wrong one is right, the second uncle and his daughter said), also told me that I am not sensible, do not understand them, still Let stepmother criticize me and say that I am not sensible. I called my sister, and my sister called me. I said that he didn't care about me, let my sister raise me. I married my sister. Later, my sister bought the clothes for me, and the winter was a little warmer.

高二时候在深圳做了暑假工，挣的钱不多，本来够学费（学费一千多）。但是自己要吃要用一部分，还要自己出钱买车票，回到家之后就只剩下800多。结果爹却逼着我自己那那个钱做学费并且作一个月的生活费。我说我没有，结果他没有就不要读书了，滚回去，去死好了。后来，还是找姐姐垫付了学费。

When I was a sophomore, I did a summer job in Shenzhen. I didn’t earn much money. I had enough tuition (more than 1,000 tuition fees). But if you want to eat a part, you have to pay for the ticket yourself. After you get home, there are only 800 left. As a result, I forced my own money to pay for tuition and a monthly living expenses. I said that I didn't. As a result, he didn't want to study, he rolled back and went to die. Later, I still asked my sister to pay the tuition.

高三毕业那一年考得很不好，想复读。依赖考得很差，二来确实不知道选择什么专业。爹不赞同，后来斗争了半个月还是同意了。复读是失败了，这时候可以走一个好的专科，也有了自己的想法：读计算机专业。爹是干建筑的，硬要我学建筑。我不学建筑。爹不愿意出学费，因为违背了他想让我学习建筑的心愿。后来爷爷答应我会在助学贷款上签字（钱由我还，以后不会往家里要一分钱。从小和爷爷一起长大，看着爷爷的辛劳和年龄，我早早学会的承担家务，农村的什么活都干，不嫌脏不嫌累，爷爷也是看在眼里，有一点理解。可时候后来老爹做梗，爷爷也不愿意签字了。这样我就进入社会了。最开始取得是成都，前一天住的天府广场（晚上只睡了五分钟，十月份被冷醒了），第二天在ATM自动提款机的那个房间里睡了几分钟（地板太冰冷了），第三天睡的。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

I graduated very badly in the year of high school and wanted to repeat. Dependency is very poor, and secondly, I really don't know what major to choose. I don't agree, but I still agreed to fight for half a month. Repeating is a failure. At this time, you can take a good college and have your own ideas: read computer science. I am a dry building, I want to learn architecture. I don't study architecture. I don't want to pay tuition because it violates his wish to learn architecture. Later, Grandpa promised that I would sign the student loan (the money will be paid by me, I will not go to the house for a penny in the future. I grew up with my grandfather and looked at my grandfather’s hard work and age. I learned the housework early in the countryside. Everything is done, not dirty, not tired, Grandpa is also in the eyes, a little understanding. But then the old man is doing the stalk, Grandpa is not willing to sign. So I entered the society. The first to get is Chengdu, Tianfu Square, which lived the day before (only sleeping for five minutes at night, was awake in October), and slept for a few minutes in the room of the ATM at the next day (the floor was too cold), third Sleeping in the sky.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

那几天每天一个馒头，后来找了一个当服务员的工作，这才好些。当时身无分文，被子也是同学给的（后来她成了我的初恋，也是到现在为止的第一次恋爱）。

。。。。。。。。

每次只要有分歧，他就会，骂人，就会破口大骂 ，就会骂我去死，无论我怎么轻言轻语的讲道理。

这一生，他也从来没有歉意，还变本加厉。

后悔这几年浪费我尝试去理解，原谅他

他从不为我考虑问题，自私自利。一味为了自己的面子而伤害我和我姐姐。

因为他，从高中从来没有睡一个安稳觉。

我从此不再原谅他，因为对我的伤害太深，因为他从没有半点歉意，从没有说过对不起，从没有理解过我。

我不会死，我会好好活着。

我以后会忘了他，为了自己能天天能睡上安稳觉。

我以后不会同他说话，因为他的言语会深深的伤害我。

我以后也不会理解他，就像他从不会理解我。

我也累了，我要获得更轻松。

给更好的自己，为了自己的理想，不顾一切的奋斗吧！克服一切困难，战胜一切“敌人”！

In those days, a gimmick every day, and later found a job as a waiter, this is better. At that time, there was no penny, and the quilt was given by the classmates (later she became my first love, and it was the first love until now).

. . . . . . . .

Every time there is a disagreement, he will, swearing, will swear, and will kill me, no matter how whispered.

In this life, he has never apologized, but he has also intensified.

I regret that I have been trying to understand and forgive him for a few years.

He never considered the problem for me, selfish. I am hurting my sister and my sister for my own face.

Because of him, he never slept from high school.

I will never forgive him anymore, because I am hurting too much because he has never been apologetic, never said sorry, never understood me.

I will not die, I will live well.

I will forget him in the future, so that I can sleep well every day.

I will not talk to him in the future, because his words will hurt me deeply.

I will not understand him in the future, just as he never understands me.

I am also tired, I want to get easier.

Give yourself a better self, for your own ideals, desperate struggle! Overcome all difficulties and defeat all "enemies"!

 

转载于:https://www.cnblogs.com/hoganben/p/11498396.html