writing | 如何写好一篇学术论文（三）标点符号的使用，改写段落

1. 标点符号对语句的分隔，逐渐增强：逗号,  冒号:  破折号——  括号()  分号；句号。

2. 标点符号逐渐正式：破折号——  括号()  其他包括【逗号，句号。分号；冒号：】

 

3. 分号连接两个独立的句子，他们之间有一定联系，又同样重要；

如果用逗号，则有一方会失去重点；如果用句号，则变为两个独立的句子，失去联系

4. 括号内是为句子增加一些具体的细节描述，即使被完全移除也不影响句子本身

5. 冒号：用于list or explanation，可用于引用

6. 破折号用于强调，或者对句子增加额外的解释/定义

如果用逗号，则失去重点；如果用括号，读者跳过括号内容则丢失阅读信息

不要过分用它，不如冒号正式，当普通的标点符号不够用的时候，用破折号

 

7. 举例子的时候，一般情况下举三个例子最好

8. 改段落要注意整体逻辑，和到底要表达什么

e.g. Most scents remain constant in their quality over orders of magnitude of concentration (12). Nevertheless, at high concentrations, quality tends to be negatively correlated with intensity, as was the case, for example, for the cinnamon oil used in this study. Hence, reliability of absolute scorings was achieved by calibrating the amount of perfume ingredients with initial ratings for intensity against a reference substance of known concentration. The final concentrations were in principal（错别字，应为priniciple原则，principal：主要的） chosen in a way such that individual ratings showed variance among participants within the sliding scale between 0 and 10 (meaning that people could decide whether they liked a scent or not). This procedure seemed successful for most scents; however, the concentrations for bergamot (highest average ratings) and vetiver (lowest average rating) could probably been reduced even more, as both scents did not show any discriminating power at the level of common alleles (people agreed largely on the quality of these two scents) (see Table 2). Interestingly, the pooled rare alleles showed discriminating power for…

逻辑图如下：

改为：Perfume intensity and quality are negatively correlated at high concentrations. If the scent is too strong, people will rate it unfavorably. Hence, we chose the final concentrations of each perfume ingredient so that it had similar intensity to a reference scent. The resulting concentrations appeared appropriate for most scents. As participants preferences varied along the sliding scale between 0 and 10. However, participants largely agreed on bergamot and vetiver, so lower or higher concentrations may have been needed for these scents.

 

8. 慎用缩略词，最好只用DNA这种大众都知道的缩略词，防止外行看不懂。不要因为一个词使用频繁就使用缩略词，如果非要用缩略词，那么对他多次定义，比如摘要中，table/figure中，文章主体中

 

Practice

1. Evidence-based medicine teaches clinicians the practical application of clinical epidemiology, as needed to address specific problems of specific patients(冗余，去掉). It guides clinicians（去掉，以连接两个句子） on how to find the best evidence relevant to a specific problem, how to assess the quality of that evidence, and perhaps most difficult, how to decide if the evidence applies to a specific patient.

my: Evidence-based medicine teaches clinicians the practical application of clinical epidemiology, as needed to address specific problems of specific patients. It guides clinicians on: how to find the best evidence relevant to a specific problem, how to assess the quality of that evidence, and perhaps most difficult, how to decide if the evidence applies to a specific patient.

ans: Evidence-based medicine teaches clinicians the practical application of clinical epidemiology:（可去掉，更干净） how to find the best evidence relevant to a specific problem, how to assess the quality of that evidence, and perhaps most difficult, how to decide if the evidence applies to a specific patient.

 

2. Finally, the lessons of clinical epidemiology are not meant to be（去掉） limited to academic physician-epidemiologists, who sometimes have more interest in analyzing data than caring for patients. Clinical epidemiology（换为the lessons） holds the promise of providing（换为provides） clinicians with the tools necessary（去掉） to improve the outcomes of their patients（patients' outcome）.

my：Finally, the lessons of clinical epidemiology are not limited to academic physician-epidemiologists —— who sometimes have more interest in analyzing data than caring for patients —— and it holds the promise of improving the outcomes of clinical patients.

ans: Finally, clinical epidemiology is not limited to academic physician-epidemiologists——who are sometimes more interested in analyzing data than caring for patients——but provides clinicians with the tools to improve their patients' outcomes.

 

3. Although the methodological approaches are similar（despite similarities）, the questions posed in（删掉） classic epidemiology and clinical epidemiology are different（differ in aim，总结不同在哪里）. (对比，换成parallel)In classic epidemiology, epidemiologists pose a question about the etiology of a disease in a population of people.  Causal associations are important to identify because, if the causal factor identified can be manipulated or modified, prevention of disease is possible.  On the other hand, in clinical epidemiology, clinicians pose a question about the prognosis of a disease in a population of patients.  Prognosis can be regarded as a set of outcomes and their associated probabilities following the occurrence of some defining event or diagnosis that can be a symptom, sign, test result or disease.

Ans：despite methodologic similarities, classic epidemiology and clinical epidemiology differ in aim. Classic epidemiologists pose a question about the etiology of disease in a population of people; etiologic factors can be manipulated to prevent disease. Clinical epidemiologists pose a question about the prognosis of a disease in a population of patients; prognosis is the probability that an event or diagnosis will result in a particular outcome. 

 

4. The concept of chocolate having potential therapeutic benefits for people with diabetes mellitus, especially type 2 diabetes mellitus, presents a number of intellectual challenges, from both clinical and sociological perspectives. It seems almost counterintuitive to suggest an energy-dense food that is high in sugar, and often seen as a treat or a “dietary sin”, could offer such promise（质疑放到最后，和段落最后一句是一个思想）. However, a large volume of mechanistic and animal model studies（作为开头） has been undertaken demonstrating the potential benefits of cocoa and chocolate for both glucose regulation and modification of complications associated with diabetes（改为parallel）. Cesar Fraga in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition（人名和杂志信息是不重要的） first proposed the potential of chocolate for people with diabetes in 2005. It was suggested that we should consume more cocoa and chocolate to reduce the burdens of hypertension and diabetes. (1) Grassi and colleagues (2) further reinforced this potential for its antihypertensive and insulin-sensitizing effect with the mechanistic data. However, the hypothesis of chocolate having a beneficial effect remains counterintuitive to the average consumer and has yet to gain support among the wider medical and healthcare community.

Many mechanistic and animal studies suggest health benefits for cocoa and chocolate particularly for patients with hypertension and type 2 diabetes. These studies suggest that cocoa and chocolate can lower blood pressure, improve glucose regulation, improve insulin sensitivity and reduce complications from diabetes. But the idea of chocolate is medicine has yet to gain widespread support among consumers or among the wider medical and health care community. It seems counterintuitive that a high sugar energy dense food one often seen as a treat or dietary sin could promote health. 

 

5. Headache is an extraordinarily common pain symptom that virtually everyone experiences at one time or another.  As a pain symptom, headaches have many causes. The full range of these causes were categorized by the International Headache Society (IHS) in 1988. The IHS distinguishes two broad groups of headache disorders: primary headache disorders and secondary headache disorders.  Secondary headache disorders are a consequence of an underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury.  In primary headache disorders,（两种头痛的分类原因才是文章的重点） the headache disorder is the fundamental problem; it is not symptomatic of another cause.  The two most common types of primary headache disorders are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine.  Although IHS is the most broadly used/recognized classification system used, a brief comment on others would be appropriate – especially if there are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.

Headache is a pain symptom that almost everyone experiences. The International Headache Society groups headaches into two types based on cause: Primary headache disorders and secondary headache disorders. In primary headache disorders, the headache itself is the main complaint. The two most common types are episodic tension-type headache(ETTH) and migraine. Secondary headache disorders result from an underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic infection, or a head injury.

 

6. As for many food components, the intake of metal ions can be a double edged sword. The requirement for ingestion of trace metals such as Fe and Cu ions to maintain normal body functions such as the synthesis of metalloproteins is well established. However, cases of excess intake of trace metal ions are credited with pathological events such as the deposition of iron oxides in Parkinson's disease [1]. In addition to aiding neurological depositions, these redox active metals ions have been credited with enhancing oxidative damage, a key component of chronic inflammatory disease [2] and a suggested initiator of cancer [3]. As inflammation is a characteristic feature of a wide range of diseases, further potential pathological roles for metal ions are emerging as exemplified by premature ageing [4].

My: The intake of metal ions is a double edged sword for many food components. Ingestion of trace metals such as Fe and Cu ions can maintain normal body functions, such as the synthesis of metalloproteins. However, excess intake of trace metal ions are credited with pathological events, for example, the deposition of iron oxides in Parkinson's disease[1]; these redox active metals ions lead to  neurological depositions, and oxidative damage——a key component of chronic inflammatory disease[2] and cancer[3]; further potential pathological roles for metal ions are emerging, such as premature ageing [4].

ANS: As for many food components, consuming metal ions can be a double-edged sword. Trace metals such as Fe and Cu ions help maintain normal body functions, such as the synthesis of metalloproteins. However, studies have linked excess intake to oxidative damage [2] and inflammation, as well as specific conditions, including Parkinson's disease [1], cancer [3], and premature ageing [4].