An Ex-Expat Learns Lessons from a New Expat

去年秋天，眼见着我们离开中国的日子越来越近了，我开始考虑是不是干脆放弃中文课算了。毕竟，我想做的事情太多了，进一步提高中文似乎也没有太大的意义。不过，我后来还是选择继续下去，这在很大程度上是因为我的中文老师何丽英已经成了我的好朋友，我很享受每周和她聊天的时光。我们的中文课越来越像是社交拜访。这中间有一次，她突然告诉了我一个惊人的消息：“我们可能也会去纽约。”Alan PaulAlan Paul在美国新泽西州，他的身后是他家的房子原来，曼哈顿一所国际学校正考虑邀请何丽英的丈夫胡鸿一位优秀的翻译去担任中文老师。这是一个非常诱人的职位，虽然他是众多候选人当中的佼佼者，但是好几个月过去了，他们还不确定胡鸿是否能够得到这份工作。我们常常会谈到纽约的一些情况，但是我总是克制自己不要过于热情，因为他们毕竟还在等待之中。何丽英非常希望有机会住在纽约，我可以感觉得到她很担心最终失望而归。最后，就在我们离开中国之前的几周，何丽英告诉我们：胡鸿被录用并接受了这个职位，他们很快就会搬到纽约来。对此，何丽英胡鸿我的妻子白佩琪(Rebecca)和我都高兴得要命，我们都对大伙儿要同时离开北京奔赴纽约感到不可思议。在他们眼里，我们是好友也是在异国他乡的坐标；在我们眼里，他们也是好友，不时会让我们想起在中国的外派生活。结果，他们在纽约的出现也让我获益匪浅：他们对新家的热情促使我也开始欣赏起周围的一景一物了。这也让我想起作为旁观者看待事物的诸多好处──无论你在哪里，这都是外派生活很重要的一部分。想当初，我们到了北京后不久，何丽英就开始教授白佩琪中文，每周三次。自从我自己的中文老师叶琛（音）离开北京出家之后，我从去年起也开始上何丽英的课。在学习中文的过程当中，何丽英成了我们连接中国文化的重要纽带。我们一起去餐馆吃饭，互相登门拜访，我们还经常提出将来回到美国之后邀请他们来玩。虽然我们是真心实意地邀请，但是以前看来这似乎都难以实现。这一切都使上周他们来我们家的拜访更加有趣起来。我们带他们参加了我叔叔本(Ben)的生日聚会，尽量让他们感到自己是家庭的一员。我时刻提醒自己，我在中国一些最难忘的记忆正是在中国朋友家里的简单聚会。我们也很享受在我们所住的枫木城(Maplewood)一起漫步，他们会不时地对那些高大的树木别致的老房子和小镇的感觉惊叹不已。下周，何丽英就要开始每周来我们家授课，教授我和我的孩子们非正式的中文课程。我们打算在上课结束后一起烹制中国菜肴。与此同时，由于我对搬到一个全新国度生活的种种挑战还记忆 新，因此我们努力帮助他们逐渐适应美国的生活。他们似乎做得不错，尽管两人此前从来没有出过国。我们在曼哈顿一家四川菜馆共进午餐的时候，何丽英笑着告诉我，她连香港都没有去过。她说，“我真的很想看看美国，我以前一直梦想来到纽约，现在我竟然有机会在这里呆上两年多，我觉得自己非常幸运。”上周，他们的儿子桑尼(Sunny)也来到了纽约。他在上海一所大学读大一。开始的时候，他对于只上一个学期就中途离开很是犹豫。不过，家里人都觉得来到纽约学习英语的机会实在太难得了，不能错过。桑尼似乎适应得很快。他很希望见到目前效力于新泽西网队(New Jersey Nets)的中国篮球队员易建联。我已经答应带他去看一场球赛。幸运的话，我甚至可能介绍他们认识。何丽英发现纽约和北京有很多相似之处──高楼大厦林立，市场繁荣，交通拥挤；他们刚到这里的时候觉得纽约很像是一座中国城市。但是她也注意到了很多不同的地方。她说，这里的空气更加清新，纽约人的友好和乐于助人令人印象深刻。她从来没有发现大街上有人打架或者争吵，而这在北京很普通。此外，她发现纽约是一个各种肤色不同种族交融的多元化城市，比起中国的千篇一律来说，这种变化让人兴奋。她参加了一个面向世界各地移民和外派人员的英文学习班。他们当中大多数人的母语是西班牙语，但是她已经和一位韩国女性交上了朋友，这位韩国人在纽约住了三年，很乐意向何丽英传授自己的纽约生活经验。何丽英谈论她的新伙伴的样子让我想起了我们和希罗(Theo)的关系，我们刚到北京的头几个月，大大小小的事情都是他告诉我们的。无论是在哪个国家，驻外时间较长的外派人员都是新来者不可缺少的资源。何丽英和胡鸿有很多中国邻居，那些有车的邻居会经常捎他们去皇后区(Queens)的中国食品市场。同样，在北京的时候，我也会去西式的杂货店购物。有一个地方何丽英不怎么喜欢去，那就是是唐人街，她觉得那里又脏又乱。虽然何丽英很惊讶自己平时很少想念中国，但是在春节的时候，不能回河北老家过年还是让她十分难受。尽管在北京已经住了20多年，这还只是第二次她没有回家过年，她说她的老父老母非常想念她。我对此很有同感，因为我们在北京的时候也很想念那些家庭聚会。不过，我那时候每年能够回国一两次，但是，何丽英和胡鸿在两年的时间里都不大可能回国探亲。不过，何丽英说，父母都为我们感到骄傲。住在国外，尤其是美国，是他们连想都不敢想的事情。两人都很期待夏天的到来，那时胡鸿会有一段假期，他们也就可以到美国各地到处逛逛了。我们的朋友凯西•麦格雷格(Cathy McGregor)是另一位曾经长时间住在北京的学生。来自明尼苏达州Duluth的凯西已经用她那些五大湖(Great Lakes)如何如何壮观的故事填满了何丽英的脑海。何丽英说，我真的很想看看五大湖。在中国，尤其是中国北部地区，水是一个很严重的问题，水资源非常缺乏，而且很多水源都被污染了。我听说，如果渴了，你甚至可以直接饮用五大湖的水。我告诉她，关于这点，想想也就罢了。但是我相信何丽英和胡鸿肯定会不虚五大湖之行。当他们来到枫木城拜访我们，从曼哈顿市中心乘坐火车30分钟，一下子到了离奇有趣的乡镇，这种感觉多么奇妙。通过他们的眼睛，再细细品味周遭的一切，也让我对平常事物产生了更深的感情。聚会结束后，我们送他们到地铁站。等车的时候，一只老鹰从我们的头顶盘旋而过，在诺大的公园上自由翱翔。胡鸿惊叫道，“看哪！你们这里还有老鹰呢！”Alan Paul（编者按：本文作者Alan Paul是《吉他世界》(Guitar World)的高级编辑，同时也为美国篮球杂志《灌篮》(Slam)撰写文章。因妻子工作需要，他于2005年举家从美国新泽西州迁往中国。2008年底，外派工作结束，Alan Paul一家返回新泽西。他的电子邮件是expatlife@dowjones.com。）


Last fall as the reality that we were in our final months in China was beginning to sink in, I thought about dropping my Chinese classes. There was a lot I wanted to do and it seemed pointless to pursue my language studies much further.I continued, however, in large part because my teacher Linda He had become a good friend and I enjoyed visiting with her every week. Our lessons came more and more to resemble social visits and in the middle of one, she dropped a bombshell: 'We might be joining in you in New York.'Linda's husband Eric, a respected translator, was under consideration for a job as a Chinese teacher at an international school in Manhattan. It was a coveted position and while he was a leading candidate they wouldn't know for months whether or not he had gotten the post. We spoke quite a bit about New York City but I restrained my enthusiasm because they were in a holding pattern. Linda very much wanted the opportunity to live in New York and I could sense how worried she was about being disappointed.Finally, weeks before our own departure, Linda told us their news: he had been offered and accepted the job and they would be moving to New York. Linda, Eric, myself and my wife Rebecca were thrilled and charmed by the strange synchronicity of leaving Beijing for metro New York at the same time. They saw us as welcome friends and landmarks in a foreign land; we saw them as welcome friends and reminders of our life in China.As it turns out, their presence in the New York area has another benefit for me: their enthusiasm for their new home has made me look at my surroundings with more appreciative eyes. It's also a reminder of the advantages of looking at things as an outsider -- an important part of the expat life, no matter where you are.Linda taught Rebecca three times a week from the time we landed in Beijing, and I began studying with her last year after my teacher Yechen departed Beijing to become a monk. Over the course of all these lessons, Linda became an important link to Chinese culture. We enjoyed meals at restaurants and each others' homes and often offered to host her in the U.S. after we returned. Though sincerely made, this offer seemed unlikely ever to be taken up -- which made it all the more fun to have them to our house last week.We brought them to my uncle Ben's birthday party and did our best to make them feel like welcome members of the family, mindful that some of my most memorable times in China were simple gatherings at Chinese friends' homes. We also enjoyed just strolling through our town of Maplewood together as they marveled at our town's large trees, graceful old houses and small-town feel.Next week, Linda will begin making weekly visits to give me and my kids informal Chinese lessons. We plan on cooking Chinese dinners together afterward on most weeks. In the meantime -- mindful of the challenges of moving to a wholly foreign place -- we are trying to help ease their transition to life in America. They seem to be doing just fine, despite the fact that neither had ever left mainland China before coming here.'I had never even been to Hong Kong,' Linda told me with a laugh over lunch at a Manhattan Szechuan restaurant. 'I really wanted to see America -- I had a dream just to visit New York City and now I have a chance to stay here for more than two years. I feel very lucky.'Last week, their son Sunny joined them, after a semester in college. He was hesitant to leave in the middle of his freshman year at a Shanghai university but the family decided that the opportunity to study English in New York was too good to pass up. He seems to be adjusting quickly. One thing he wants to see is Chinese basketball player Yi Jianlin, who plays for the New Jersey Nets. I have promised to take him to a game soon. With a little luck, I may even be able to introduce them.Linda sees a lot of similarities between New York and Beijing -- 'lots of big buildings, large markets and traffic; it seemed a lot like a Chinese city when we first got here' -- but also notes the differences. The air is cleaner, she says, and she has been surprised by how friendly and helpful most people are. She hasn't seen a single fight or serious argument on the street, though they are common in Beijing.Also, she finds New York's ethnic diversity an exciting and welcome change from China's homogeneity. She takes an English class with immigrants and expats from all over the world. Most of them speak Spanish as their first language, but she has become friends with a South Korean woman who has lived in New York for three years and is helping her learn the ropes. The way Linda talked about this new companion reminded me of our relationship with our friend Theo, who was our guide to everything during our early months in Beijing. Longer-term expats are an indispensable resource for newbies, in whichever the country.Linda and Eric have a lot of Chinese neighbors and several of them with cars regularly take her to shop at Chinese food markets in Queens. Likewise, in Beijing, I shopped at stores with Western groceries. One place she is not interested in visiting is Chinatown, which she finds dirty and crowded.While Linda has been surprised by how little she has missed China on a day-to-day basis, it was hard for her to be away from her home village in the central province of Hubei on Chinese New Year. Despite living in Beijing for 20 years, it was only the second time she did not return to Hubei for the holiday and she said that her elderly parents greatly missed her. I sympathized, given how much I sometimes regretted missing family gatherings while we lived in Beijing. I was able to return once or twice a year, however, while Linda and Eric are unlikely to visit China during their two-year stay.'But,' she adds. 'They are also very proud of us. Living in a foreign country -- especially America -- is a dream they can barely imagine.'They are both looking forward to the summer when Eric will have a break from work and they can explore more of America. Our friend Cathy McGregor was another long-time student in Beijing and the Duluth, Minnesota native has filled Linda's nature-loving head with tales of of the Great Lakes' splendor. 'I really want to see those lakes,' Linda says. 'China, especially the North, is a place where water is a serious problem -- there is not enough of it and much of it is not clean. I hear you can just drink the water in the Great Lakes if you get thirsty.'I told her that actually drinking the water might be a bad idea, but I'm certain that Linda and Eric would enjoy a visit there. When they visited us in Maplewood, they could ride a train 30 minutes from midtown and be in a place which felt like a quaint country burg to them. Seeing it all through their eyes gave me a deeper appreciation for my daily surroundings.We walked them to the train at the end of their visit and as we waited, a hawk circled overhead, soaring over a large park.'Look at that!' Eric exclaimed. 'You even have eagles in a town!'Alan Paul