TED演讲：This is what enduring love looks like

IT派 - {技术青年圈}

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<七夕特辑>

是的，IT派的小编就是这么质朴，七夕节也非常严肃；

一点都不像那些妖艳jian货

今天发这篇是因为想说：

不要因忙碌的工作、琐碎的生活，就放弃爱情、怀疑爱情；

爱情并不华丽，但是美好；

愿IT派的朋友都以真诚和坚守，去爱，去生活！

（字很小，因为公众号不习惯写这些，大家当作没看到吧）

演讲者是一对其貌不扬的男女，他们非亲非故；

花了好几年时间去拍摄其他情侣的日常生活，为的就是告诉人们什么是爱情。

这是一段平实，甚至有些无趣的演技，但我希望你耐心听完：

一对情侣如何从相遇走到共同创造生活？

《This is what enduring love looks like》在网易公开课上的名称翻译是“择一城终老，遇一人白首”，不得不说这种煽情的文字还是很让人感动的。

在这个十分钟的小视频里，史黛丝·贝克尔，对人们是如何相遇相知相爱的提出疑问，于是和自己的工作伙伴亚力克·苏思决定共同用摄影的方式探索这个问题。他们结伴参加快速约会活动，又进一步探访了太阳城，从这趟旅程中，最终感知到了爱的真谛。

他们采访了很多人，有爱美女的男人坚定的说出，我从来没有质疑过娶她的决定。

有十几岁就开始相爱的情侣，在冲动懵懂之下做的决定也坚守了一生，引用其言，When you get that feeling, you just go with it。

有彼此二婚的爱人，在相遇时你帮我走出债务危机，我在你酗酒时不离不弃。

最后的一对，在被问起有婚纱照吗的时候，彼此都从钱包里翻出了那张相同的泛白照片。

当我把整个视频看完，好像有点想明白了爱情的意义。

以下是演讲的内容：

Alec Soth: So about 10 years ago, I got a call from a woman in Texas, Stacey Baker, and she'd seen some of my photographs in an art exhibition and was wondering if she could commission me to take a portrait of her parents. Now, at the time I hadn't met Stacey, and I thought this was some sort of wealthy oil tycoon and I'd struck it rich, but it was only later that I found out she'd actually taken out a loan to make this happen.

亚历克·索斯：大约10年前，我接到一个来自德克萨斯州的女人的电话，斯泰西·贝克，她在一个艺术展上看到了我的一些照片，想知道她是否能委托我给她父母拍一张照。现在，在我还没有遇到史黛丝的时候，我觉得这是一个富有的石油大亨，我觉得它很富有，但直到后来我才发现她竟然借了一笔贷款让这件事发生。

I took the picture of her parents, but I was actually more excited about photographing Stacey. The picture I made that day ended up becoming one of my best-known portraits. At the time I made this picture, Stacey was working as an attorney for the State of Texas. Not long after, she left her job to study photography in Maine, and while she was there, she ended up meeting the director of photography at the New York Times Magazine and was actually offered a job. Stacey Baker: In the years since, Alec and I have done a number of magazine projects together, and we've become friends.

我拍了她父母的照片，但我对拍摄史黛西更感兴趣。那天我画的那张画成了我最著名的肖像画之一。在我拍这张照片的时候，史黛西正为德克萨斯州做律师。不久之后，她辞去了在缅因州学习摄影的工作，当她在那里的时候，她最终在《纽约时报》杂志上见到了摄影导演，并获得了一份工作。斯泰西·贝克：在过去的几年里，亚历克和我一起做了一些杂志项目，我们成了朋友。

A few months ago, I started talking to Alec about a fascination of mine. I've always been obsessed with how couples meet. I asked Alec how he and his wife Rachel met, and he told me the story of a high school football game where she was 16 and he was 15, and he asked her out. He liked her purple hair. She said yes, and that was it. I then asked Alec if he'd be interested in doing a photography project exploring this question.

几个月前，我开始和亚历克谈我的一个爱好。我一直痴迷于夫妻见面的方式。我问亚历克他和他的妻子雷切尔是如何认识的，他告诉我一个高中足球比赛的故事，她16岁，他15岁，他约她出去。他喜欢她的紫色头发。她说是的，就是这样。然后我问亚历克他是否有兴趣做一个摄影项目探索这个问题。

AS: And I was interested in the question, but I was actually much more interested in Stacey's motivation for asking it, particularly since I'd never known Stacey to have a boyfriend. So as part of this project, I thought it'd be interesting if she tried to meet someone. So my idea was to have Stacey here go speed dating in Las Vegas on Valentine's Day. (Laughter) (Applause) (Music)

我对这个问题很感兴趣，但实际上我对Stacey问这个问题的动机更感兴趣，特别是因为我从来都不知道Stacey有男朋友。所以作为这个项目的一部分，我想如果她想和某人见面会很有趣。所以我的想法是让斯泰西在情人节那天在拉斯维加斯约会。（笑声）（掌声）（音乐）

SB: We ended up at what was advertised as the world's largest speed dating event. I had 19 dates and each date lasted three minutes. Participants were given a list of ice- breaker questions to get the ball rolling, things like, "If you could be any kind of animal, what would you be?" That sort of thing.

SB：我们最终以世界上最大的速度约会事件为例。我有19次约会，每次约会持续3分钟。参与者被给了一份关于破冰问题的清单，以获得滚动，比如说，“如果你能成为任何一种动物，你会是什么？”那种事。

My first date was Colin. He's from England, and he once married a woman he met after placing an ad for a Capricorn. Alec and I saw him at the end of the evening, and he said he'd kissed a woman in line at one of the concession stands.

我第一次约会是科林。他来自英国，他曾经娶了一个女人，在为摩羯座做广告之后。亚历克和我在傍晚的时候看到了他，他说他吻了一个排队的女人。

Zack and Chris came to the date-a-thon together.

扎克和克里斯一起参加了约会。

This is Carl. I asked Carl, "What's the first thing you notice about a woman?" He said, "Tits." (Laughter)

我是卡尔。我问卡尔，“你第一个注意到的女人是什么？”他说，“山雀”（笑声）

Matthew is attracted to women with muscular calves. We talked about running. He does triathlons, I run half-marathons. Alec actually liked his eyes and asked if I was attracted to him, but I wasn't, and I don't think he was attracted to me either.

马太被那些肌肉发达的小牛所吸引。我们谈了跑步。他做铁人三项，我跑半马拉松。亚历克实际上喜欢他的眼睛，问我是否被他吸引，但我没有，我也不认为他被我吸引。

Austin and Mike came together. Mike asked me a hypothetical question. He said, "You're in an elevator running late for a meeting. Someone makes a dash for the elevator. Do you hold it open for them?" And I said I would not. (Laughter)

奥斯汀和麦克走到了一起。迈克问了我一个假设的问题。他说：“你在电梯里开会迟到了。有人冲向电梯。你能帮他们开门吗？”我说我不会。（笑声）

Cliff said the first thing he notices about a woman is her teeth, and we complimented each other's teeth. Because he's an open mouth sleeper, he says he has to floss more to help prevent gum disease, and so I asked him how often he flosses, and he said, "Every other day." (Laughter) Now, as someone who flosses twice a day, I wasn't really sure that that was flossing more but I don't think I said that out loud.

克利夫说，他首先注意到的是一个女人的牙齿，我们互相夸奖对方的牙齿。因为他是一个开着嘴睡觉的人，他说他必须用牙线来帮助预防牙龈疾病，所以我问他，他多长时间一次，他说，“每隔一天”（笑声）现在，作为一个每天两次的人，我不太确定那是用牙线做的，但我不认为我说的太大声了。

Bill is an auditor, and we talked the entire three minutes about auditing. (Laughter)

比尔是一名审计员，我们谈了整整三分钟的审计工作。（笑声）

The first thing Spencer notices about a woman is her complexion. He feels a lot of women wear too much makeup, and that they should only wear enough to accentuate the features that they have. I told him I didn't wear any makeup at all and he seemed to think that that was a good thing. Craig told me he didn't think I was willing to be vulnerable. He was also frustrated when I couldn't remember my most embarrassing moment. He thought I was lying, but I wasn't. I didn't think he liked me at all, but at the end of the night, he came back to me and he gave me a box of chocolates.

斯宾塞注意到的第一件事是她的肤色。他觉得很多女人妆化得太浓了，她们应该只穿足够的衣服来突出她们的特征。我告诉他我根本没有化妆，他似乎认为那是件好事。克雷格告诉我，他认为我不愿意变得脆弱。当我记不起我最尴尬的时刻时，他也很沮丧。他以为我在撒谎，但我不是。我认为他根本不喜欢我，但到了晚上，他又回到我身边，他给了我一盒巧克力。

William was really difficult to talk to. I think he was drunk. (Laughter)

威廉真的很难与人交谈。我想他喝醉了。（笑声）

Actor Chris McKenna was the MC of the event. He used to be on "The Young and the Restless." I didn't actually go on a date with him. Alec said he saw several women give their phone numbers to him.

演员克里斯麦凯纳是该事件的主持人。他曾经是“年轻的和不安分的”。我实际上并没有和他约会。亚历克说，他看到几个女人把自己的电话号码给了他。

Needless to say, I didn't fall in love. I didn't feel a particular connection with any of the men that I went on dates with, and I didn't feel like they felt a particular connection with me either.

不用说，我没有坠入爱河。我没有感觉到任何与我约会的男人有特别的联系，我也不觉得他们和我有什么特别的联系。

AS: Now, the most beautiful thing to me -- (Laughter) -- as a photographer is the quality of vulnerability. The physical exterior reveals a crack in which you can get a glimpse at a more fragile interior. At this date-a-thon event, I saw so many examples of that, but as I watched Stacey's dates and talked to her about them, I realized how different photographic love is from real love.

如：现在，对我来说最美丽的东西--（笑声）--作为一名摄影师，是脆弱的品质。物理外观揭示了一个裂缝，你可以看到一个更脆弱的内部。在这次约会中，我看到了很多这样的例子，但是当我看到史黛西的约会，并和她谈论这些的时候，我意识到摄影的爱是多么的不同于真正的爱情。

What is real love? How does it work? In order to work on this question and to figure out how someone goes from meeting on a date to having a life together, Stacey and I went to Sun City Summerlin, which is the largest retirement community in Las Vegas. Our contact there was George, who runs the community's photography club. He arranged for us to meet other couples in their makeshift photo studio. SB: After 45 years of marriage, Anastasia's husband died two years ago,

什么是真爱？它是如何工作的？为了解决这个问题，想弄清楚一个人是如何在一个约会的日子里走到一起的，Stacey和我去了Sun City Summerlin，这是拉斯维加斯最大的退休社区。我们的联系人是乔治，他管理着社区的摄影俱乐部。他安排我们在临时的照相馆里与其他夫妇见面。Sb:在结婚45年后，Anastasia的丈夫两年前去世了，

so we asked if she had an old wedding picture. She met her husband when she was a 15-year-old waitress at a small barbecue place in Michigan. He was 30. She'd lied about her age. He was the first person she'd dated.

所以我们问她是否有一张旧的结婚照。她在密西根州一家小烧烤店当了15岁的女招待时，遇到了她的丈夫。他30岁。她谎报了年龄。他是她第一个约会的人。

Dean had been named photographer of the year in Las Vegas two years in a row, and this caught Alec's attention, as did the fact that he met his wife, Judy, at the same age when Alec met Rachel. Dean admitted that he likes to look at beautiful women, but he's never questioned his decision to marry Judy.

迪安在拉斯维加斯连续两年被评为年度摄影师，这引起了亚历克的注意，他和他妻子朱迪在阿历克遇到雷切尔的同一年龄也遇到了他。迪恩承认他喜欢看漂亮的女人，但他从不质疑他和朱蒂结婚的决定。

AS: George met Josephine at a parish dance. He was 18, she was 15. Like a lot of the couples we met, they weren't especially philosophical about their early choices. George said something that really stuck with me. He said, "When you get that feeling, you just go with it."

乔治在一个教区舞会上遇见了约瑟芬。他18岁，她15岁。像我们遇到的许多夫妇一样，他们对他们的早期选择并不是特别有哲理。乔治说了一些很难听的话。他说：“当你得到那种感觉的时候，你就跟着它走。”

Bob and Trudy met on a blind date when she was still in high school. They said they weren't particularly attracted to each other when the first met. Nevertheless, they were married soon after.

鲍勃和特鲁迪在一次相亲时相遇，那时她还在上高中。他们说，第一次见面时彼此并不特别感兴趣。尽管如此，他们很快就结婚了。

SB: The story that stayed with me the most was that of George, the photography club president, and his wife, Mary. This was George and Mary's second marriage. They met at a country-western club in Louisville, Kentucky called the Sahara. He was there alone drinking and she was with friends. When they started dating, he owed the IRS 9,000 dollars in taxes, and she offered to help him get out of debt, so for the next year, he turned his paychecks over to Mary, and she got him out of debt. George was actually an alcoholic when they married, and Mary knew it. At some point in their marriage, he says he consumed 54 beers in one day. Another time, when he was drunk, he threatened to kill Mary and her two kids, but they escaped and a SWAT team was called to the house. Amazingly, Mary took him back, and eventually things got better. George has been involved in Alcoholics Anonymous and hasn't had a drink in 36 years.

我最喜欢的故事是摄影俱乐部主席乔治和他的妻子玛丽。这是乔治和玛丽的第二次婚姻。他们在肯塔基州路易斯维尔的一个乡村俱乐部见面，称为“撒哈拉”。他独自一人在那里喝酒，她和朋友在一起。当他们开始约会时，他欠美国国税局9000美元的税款，她提出帮助他摆脱债务，所以在第二年，他把他的工资支票交给了玛丽，她把他从债务中救了出来。乔治结婚时实际上是个酒鬼，而玛丽知道这一点。他说，在他们结婚的某个时候，他一天喝了54瓶啤酒。另一次，当他喝醉时，他威胁要杀死玛丽和她的两个孩子，但他们逃跑了，一个特警队被叫来了。令人惊讶的是，玛丽把他带回来，最终情况好转了。乔治参与了匿名酗酒者活动，36年来一直没有喝过酒。

(Music)

（音乐）

At the end of the day, after we left Sun City, I told Alec that I didn't actually think that the stories of how these couples met were all that interesting. What was more interesting was how they managed to stay together.

在我们离开太阳城后的最后一天，我告诉亚历克，我并没有真的认为这些夫妇相遇的故事都是那么有趣。更有趣的是他们是如何在一起的。

AS: They all had this beautiful quality of endurance, but that was true of the singles, too. The world is hard, and the singles were out there trying to connect with other people, and the couples were holding onto each other after all these decades.

作为：他们都有这种美丽的耐力素质，但这是真正的单打，太。世界是艰难的，单身者们在那里试图与其他人联系，而这对夫妇在这几十年之后一直保持着彼此的联系。

My favorite pictures on this trip were of Joe and Roseanne. Now, by the time we met Joe and Roseanne, we'd gotten in the habit of asking couples if they had an old wedding photograph. In their case, they simultaneously pulled out of their wallets the exact same photograph. What's more beautiful, I thought to myself, this image of a young couple who has just fallen in love or the idea of these two people holding onto this image for decades?

这次旅行中我最喜欢的照片是乔和罗珊妮。现在，当我们遇到乔和罗珊妮时，我们已经养成了问夫妇是否有一张旧结婚照的习惯。在他们的情况下，他们同时退出他们的钱包完全相同的照片。更美丽的是，我对自己说，这是一对刚刚坠入爱河的年轻夫妇的形象，还是这两个人几十年来一直坚持这一形象的想法？

Thank you.

谢谢。

∞∞∞∞∞

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