* Real Programmers don't write specs -- users should consider themselves
lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.
* Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it
should be hard to understand and even harder to modify.
* Real Programmers don't write application programs; they program right down
on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do
* Real Programmers don't eat quiche. In fact, real programmers don't know
to SPELL quiche. They eat Twinkies, and Szechwan food.
* Real Programmers only write specs for languages that might run on future
hardware. Noboby trusts them to write specs for anything homo sapiens will
ever be able to fit on a single planet.
* Real Programmers never program in COBOL, money is no object.
* Real Programmers never right justify text that will be read on a
* Real Programmers wear hiking boots only when it's much too cold to wear
sandals. When it's only too cold, they wear socks with their sandals.
* Real Programmers don't think that they should get paid at all for their
work, but they know that they're worth every penny that they do make.
* Real Programmers log in first thing in the morning, last thing before they
go to sleep, and stay logged in for lots of time in between.
* Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are after all, the
illerate's form of documentation.
* Real Programmers don't use Macs. Computers which draw cute little pictures
* Real Programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is the
hallmark of a novice and a coward.
* Real Programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for gum chewing twits who
maintain ancient payroll programs.
* Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers
wear white socks. The get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear
* Real Programmers don't write in Modula-2. Modula-2 is for insecure
analretentives who can't choose between Pascal and COBOL.
* Real Programmers don't write in APL, unless the whole program can be
written on one line.