book1 unit1 after-class reading 2 : We All Need Friends

by Melinda Marshall

Having good old friends is a good thing, but making new ones can be even better. No matter what age we are, all of us appreciate the support and help which friends give us. The help may be for only a small thing, or it may be for something that could save our life. The size of the help or support is not really the most important thing, but the fact of having friends is very important.

I've just made a new friend, Joan. She's not just another person I can talk with or wave to as we pass one another on the street, but a good friend. She is someone who will go out with me for lunch, or drop by my home for a cup of tea. She is someone who will listen and make me feel understood the next time I may feel sad or worried for no apparent reason.

This is no small matter for me. I barely have enough time or energy to keep up with my old friends, let alone make new ones. But, as I grow older—— and I am now 35 years old —— it is important to me to have a safety  net of friends. Holes keep opening up in the net as old friends move away. I've got to spend energy now to include new friends.

Making friends is a lot like dating after a terrible breakup. You hesitate and drag your feet because you can't believe you have to start over again. But when you do, it's not half as hard as you thought it would be, and it's twice as rewarding as you might have hoped.

For example, I almost didn't meet Joan who is now one of my best friends. We were at the city swimming pool, waiting for our 5-year-old sons to finish their swimming lessons. Joan was reading a book that I had read for my book club, and I wanted to say something, but didn't. It was almost as if I'd lost the ability to say hello.

In the locker room we were together again as our sons got dressed and ready to go home. I said, mostly to her back, "What do you think of Amy Tan's writing?" She turned around, and like a teenager, I blushed, "Oh," she said, "I'm really enjoying The Bonesetter's Daughter. I read Joy Luck Club, and she's been my favorite writer since then."

We talked after the next two lessons, compared our reading lists, and chased our sons out of the dressing room again. By the fifth swimming lesson, we arranged to spend a day together shopping in the city. That's pretty wild, don't you think for a person of my age?

I didn't always choose my friends. For years, I let fate choose them for me. A new job, a new city, an expensive apartment made me be friends with people I'd never have said hello to otherwise. But, as I grew older I grew impatient with some of my friends, and I decided that accidental relationships don't always survive changes in life. Those types of friends don't often help you during life's difficult times when you really need help.

We can be ourselves with our friends, and that is a wonderful thing; too precious a gift to deny other friends. It really doesn't take that much time, or that much effort to share the gift of making friends. 

Adapted by Don Huffman

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Amy Tan 
Joan 
Joy Luck Club
The Bonesetter's Daughter

ability 
accidental
apartment
apparent
appreciate
barely
blush
bonesetter
breakup
chase
date
deny
drag
fate
favorite
hesitate
impatient
locker
mostly
rewarding
survive
writer

be oneself
drag one's feet
drop by
keep up with
let alone
start over