这段话没有明显的语法错误，但有几处可以修改的地方：
1. "The first effect of guaranteeing people have basic financial products and services is increasing the overall quality of people’s lives." 可以改为 "The first effect of guaranteeing that people have access to basic financial products and services is an increase in the overall quality of their lives."
2. "Ensuring reliable access to financial products and services can contribute to helping families and companies plan the future from two aspects, long-term goals and unexpected emergencies (The World Bank, 2022)." 可以改为 "Ensuring reliable access to financial products and services can help families and companies plan for the future in two ways: through long-term goals and unexpected emergencies (The World Bank, 2022)."
3. "Long-term goals mean long-term investments such as investments in health: saving money against illness, saving for a child’s education, saving for a house or car, etc." 可以改为 "Long-term goals refer to investments such as saving money for health expenses, a child's education, a house, a car, and so on."
4. "Unexpected emergencies mean managing risk, that is, people can apply for a loan from the bank when they are in the face of a sudden bankruptcy or business shock." 可以改为 "Unexpected emergencies involve managing risk, such as applying for a loan from the bank when faced with sudden bankruptcy or business shocks."
5. "Furthermore, when people meet weather financial shocks, the government and banks will give some financial assistance." 可以改为 "Moreover, when people experience financial shocks, the government and banks may provide financial assistance."
6. "With these financial services, people have a basic guarantee of life and a clear plan for the future in the meanwhile." 可以改为 "With access to these financial services, people have a basic guarantee of financial stability and can plan for their future."
7. "Guarantee of financial services leads them to save a sum of money in a safe bank account for buying a house, providing funds for children’s education, and buying medical insurance for both themselves and their families to prevent the sudden arrival of diseases." 可以改为 "Having access to financial services encourages people to save money in a safe bank account for buying a house, funding their children's education, and buying medical insurance to prepare for unexpected health issues."
8. "In daily life, online payment improves life efficiency such as reducing queuing time." 可以改为 "In daily life, online payment improves efficiency by reducing queuing time and simplifying transactions."
9. "Additionally, in occupational life, financial guarantees can encourage and empower young people can be bolder to pursue their entrepreneurial dreams by providing them with start-up funds from banks." 可以改为 "Moreover, financial guarantees in occupational life can encourage and empower young people to pursue their entrepreneurial dreams by providing them with start-up funds from banks."
10. "All in all, the guarantee of financial products leads to individuals plan for their financial futures and improve their overall quality of life." 可以改为 "In conclusion, access to financial products helps individuals plan for their financial futures and improves their overall quality of life."
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