Unit 5B - Fourteen Steps
A chance encounter can sometimes make all the difference to whether hardship brings out the best in us or the worst.
Fourteen Steps
Hal Manwaring
They say a cat has nine lives, and I am inclined to think that possible since I am now living my third life and I'm not even a cat.
My first life began on a clear, cold day in November, 1904, when I arrived as the sixth of eight children of a farming family. My father died when I was 15, and we had a hard struggle to make a living. I had to wait until the early years of my marriage before I really began to enjoy my first life. But then I was very happy, in excellent health, and quite a good athlete. My wife and I became the parents of two lovely girls. I had a good job in San Jose and a beautiful home in San Carlos.
Life was a pleasant dream.
Then the dream ended and became one of those horrible nightmares that cause you to wake in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. I began to suffer from a slowly progressive disease of the motor nerves, affecting first my right arm and leg, and then my other side.
Thus began my second life....
In spite of my disease I still drove to and from work each day, with the aid of special equipment installed in my car. And I managed to keep healthy and optimistic, to a degree, because of 14 steps.
Crazy? Not at all.
Our home was a split-level affair with 14 steps leading up from the garage to the kitchen door. Those steps were my yardstick, my challenge to continue living. I felt that if the day arrived when I was unable to lift one foot up one step and then drag the other painfully after it -- repeating the process 14 times until, utterly spent, I would be through -- I could then admit defeat and lie down and die.
So I kept on working, kept on climbing those steps. And time passed. The girls went to college and were happily married, and my wife and I were alone in our beautiful home with the 14 steps.
You might think that here walked a man of courage and strength. Not so. Here hobbled a bitterly disillusioned cripple, a man who held on to his sanity and his wife and his home and his job because of 14 miserable steps leading up to the back door from his garage.
As I became older, I became more disillusioned and frustrated. I'm sure that my wife and friends had some unhappy times when I chose to talk about my philosophy of life. I believed that in this whole world I alone had been chosen to suffer. I had carried my cross now for nine years and probably would bear it for as long as I could climb those 14 steps.
Then on a dark night in August, 1971, I began my third life. It was raining when I started home that night, beating down hard on the car as I drove slowly down one of the less-traveled roads. Suddenly the steering wheel jumped in my hands as one of the tires burst with a bang. I fought the car to a stop and sat there as the terrible nature of the situation swept over me. It was impossible for me to change that tire! Utterly impossible!
A thought that a passing motorist might stop was dismissed at once. Why should anyone? I knew I wouldn't! Then I remembered that a short distance up a little side road was a house. I started the engine and drove slowly along until I came to the house. Lighted windows welcomed me as I pulled into the driveway and honked the horn.
The door opened and a little girl stood there, peering at me. I rolled down the window and called out that I had a flat and needed someone to change it for me because I had a crutch and couldn't do it myself.
She went into the house and a moment later came out bundled in raincoat and hat, followed by a man who called a cheerful greeting.
I sat there comfortable and dry, and felt a bit sorry for the man and the little girl working so hard in the storm. Well, I would pay them for it. The rain seemed to be easing a bit now, and I rolled down the window to watch. It seemed to me that they were awfully slow and I was beginning to become impatient. I heard the little girl's voice from the back of the car. "Here's the jack-handle, Grandpa." She was answered by the murmur of the man's lower voice and the slow tilting of the car as it was jacked up.
There followed a long interval of noises and low conversation from the back of the car, but finally it was done. I felt the car bump as the jack was removed, and I heard the slam of the trunk lid, and then they were standing at my car window.
He was an old man, bent and slightly built. The little girl was about eight or ten, I judged, with a merry face and a wide smile as she looked up at me.
He said, "This is a bad night for car trouble, but you're all set now."
"Thanks," I said, "thanks. How much do I owe you?"
He shook his head. "Nothing. Cynthia told me you were on crutches. Glad to be of help. I know you'd do the same for me. There's no charge, friend."
I held out a five-dollar bill. "No! I like to pay my way."
He made no effort to take it and the little girl stepped closer to the window and said quietly, "Grandpa can't see it."
In the next few frozen seconds the shame and horror of that moment penetrated, and I was sick with an intensity I had never felt before. A blind man and a child! Feeling with cold, wet fingers for bolts and tools in the dark -- a darkness that for him would probably never end until death.
They changed a tire for me -- changed it in the rain and wind, with me sitting in comfort in the car with my crutch. I don't remember how long I sat there after they said good night and left me, but it was long enough for me to search deep within myself and find some disturbing traits.
I realized that I was filled to overflowing with self-pity, selfishness, and indifference to the needs of others.
I sat there and said a prayer. I prayed for strength, for a greater understanding, for keener awareness of my shortcomings.
I prayed for blessings upon the blind man and his granddaughter. Finally I drove away, shaken in mind, humbled in spirit.
I am trying now not only to climb 14 steps each day, but in my small way to help others. Someday, perhaps, I'll have the chance to help a blind man in equal difficulties -- someone as blind as I had been.
参考译文——十四级台阶
磨难到底是能让我们显出内在的美德还是暴露出自身的缺陷，有时一次偶然的遭遇可能会起到决定性的作用。
十四级台阶
哈尔·马纳林
人们都说猫有九条命，我也觉得这完全可能，因为我现在经历的是自己的第三次人生，而我还不是猫呢。
我的第一次人生始于1904年11月一个晴朗、寒冷的日子，我来到世上，在一户农家8个孩子中排行第6。我15岁那年父亲去世，为了生存，我们苦苦挣扎。我不得不等到成家后才真正开始享受自己的第一次人生。那时我非常幸福，体格健壮，还是个运动好手。我和妻子生有两个可爱的女孩。我在圣何塞有一份很好的工作，在圣卡洛斯有个温馨的家。
那时的生活就像是一场美梦。
接着美梦终止，变成了一场可怕的噩梦，令你夜半惊醒，出一身冷汗。我得了一种逐渐恶化的进行性运动神经元病，一开始影响我的右臂右腿，后来又侵入身体的另一侧。
就这样我的第二次人生开始了
尽管疾病缠身，我还是借助车上安装的特殊设备每天开车上下班。在某种程度上，我是由于14级台阶才得以保持健康的心态与乐观的情绪的。
无稽之谈？一点也不。
我们家住的是错层式的房子，从汽车间通往厨房门有14级台阶。这些台阶是我衡量自己的尺度，是我活下去的一个挑战。我觉得如果有一天我无法再抬起一只脚迈上一个台阶，再痛苦地拖起另一只脚——将这个过程重复14遍，直到精疲力竭爬上去——到那时我就会服输并躺下死去。
因此我坚持上班，坚持爬那些台阶。时光流逝。两个女儿上了大学，建立了美满的家庭，只剩我和妻子守在我们那个有着14级台阶的温馨的家里。
你或许会以为，这里生活着一个勇敢坚强的男子汉。事实并非如此。这里一瘸一拐走着的是一个幻想破灭、内心痛苦的跛子，一个靠着从汽车间通往后门的那14级可怜的台阶才没有失去理智、没有丢下妻室并坚持工作的男人。
随着年岁的增长，我变得日益失望和沮丧。我想，当我执意谈论自己的人生哲学时，我的妻子和朋友一定都很难受。我认为在这整个世界里，就我一个人被选中去受苦受难。我已经背了9年的十字架，只要我还能爬上那14级台阶，很可能我就要一路背负下去。
后来，1971年8月一个漆黑的夜晚，我开始了自己的第三次人生。那天夜里我回家时天正在下雨，我慢慢地开着车走在一条车辆稀少的路上，雨水哗哗拍打着车身。突然，方向盘在我手里猛地一跳，一只车胎啪地一声爆了。我奋力停下车，呆坐着，心想，这下子麻烦可大了。我没法自己去换轮胎！根本不可能！
开车路过的人会停下帮忙吗？我马上就把这个念头打消了。为什么别人要停下帮忙呢？我知道我自己就不会。这时我想起前面不远处的一条小路上有幢房子。我发动了引擎，慢慢地开到了那幢房子跟前。接着我把车开上了宅旁车道，按了按喇叭，迎接我的是窗口亮起的灯光。
门开了，一个小女孩站在那儿朝我张望。我摇下车窗，大声说道，我有个轮胎爆了，需要有人帮忙替我换一下，因为我要靠拐杖走路，自己干不了。
她回到屋内，稍后裹着雨衣、戴着帽子又出来了，身后跟着个男的，愉快地跟我打招呼。
我坐在车里，舒舒服服，淋不着一滴雨，而那男人和小女孩却在暴雨里干得那么辛苦，我觉得有点过意不去。得了，我会酬谢他们的。这时，雨似乎小了一些，我摇下车窗看着。我只觉得两人动作慢得出奇，我都开始有点不耐烦了。我听到车后传来小女孩的声音。“千斤顶的柄，爷爷，拿好了。”那人轻轻地应了一声，车微微倾斜着被顶了起来。
接着有好一会儿，我听到车后的响声和轻轻的说话声，最后总算换好了。我感觉到千斤顶移开时车颠了一下，又听到后车厢盖啪地关上，接着两人就站在了我的车窗前。
那是位老人，身材瘦小，背有些弯。我看小女孩大约8岁或10岁，神情愉快，她抬头望着我，满脸的笑容。
他说：“这种天气又是夜里，车出了问题可真够呛，不过现在都给你修好了。”
“多谢了，”我说，“多谢。我该付你们多少呢？”
他摇摇头。“什么也不要付。辛西娅跟我说你靠拐杖走路。很高兴能帮上忙。我知道如果是我遇到这种情况你也会这样帮我的。不要钱，朋友。”
我拿出一张5美元的钞票。“那不行！我不喜欢欠人家的情。”
他没伸手来接，小女孩凑近车窗，轻声说道：“爷爷看不见。”
刹那间，时间凝固了，我感到万分的羞愧和震惊。我从来没有这么难受过。一个盲人和一个孩子！用又冷又湿的双手在黑暗中摸着那些螺栓和工具干活——对他来说，这黑暗很可能永远不能驱散，直至他死亡。
他俩替我换了一个轮胎——在风雨交加之中换着轮胎，而我则舒舒服服地倚着拐杖坐在车里。我不记得他俩道别走后我在那儿坐了多久，但时间之长，足以让我内心深刻反省，发现令自己深感不安的品行。
我意识到我的自艾自怜、自私，以及对他人需求的冷漠，已到了无可复加的地步。
我坐在那里祷告。我祈求力量，祈求更多的理解，祈求对自己的缺点有更加深刻的认识。
我祈祷上帝保佑那位盲人及其孙女。最后我开车离去，心灵上震撼巨大，精神上羞愧难当。
现在我不仅每天努力去爬那14级台阶，而且尽我微薄之力去帮助他人。或许有一天，我能有机会去帮助一个同样处于困境中的盲人——一个跟我过去一样瞎的盲人。
参考资料：
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