【学英语】老友记S1E1

0,0:00:47.84,0:00:51.02{\an8\bord1\fs18\b1}中央咖啡馆
0,0:00:49.86,0:00:51.17这没什么好说的###########There's nothing to tell!
0,0:00:51.17,0:00:53.04他不过是我的同事###########He's just some guy I work with!
0,0:00:53.04,0:00:55.29少来了  你们都在约会了###########C'mon, you're going out with the guy!
0,0:00:55.30,0:00:57.34这个男人一定有什么问题###########There's gotta be something wrong with him!
0,0:00:58.05,0:01:00.91他是驼背吗  戴着假发的驼背###########So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
0,0:01:02.39,0:01:04.57等等  他吃粉笔吗###########Wait, does he eat chalk?
0,0:01:05.07,0:01:06.42我只是不想你###########Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through 
0,0:01:06.42,0:01:08.09重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙###########what I went through with Carl
0,0:01:08.47,0:01:11.32拜托各位  放松点  这甚至不算是约会###########Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.
0,0:01:11.32,0:01:12.90只不过是两个人出去吃个饭###########It's just two people going out to dinner
0,0:01:12.90,0:01:14.63而且不会上床###########and not having sex.
0,0:01:14.63,0:01:16.54听起来像是和我约会###########Sounds like a date to me.
0,0:01:18.99,0:01:20.40于是我回到了高中学校###########Alright, so I'm back in high school,
0,0:01:20.40,0:01:21.99我站在食堂中间###########I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria
0,0:01:21.99,0:01:25.61然后发现自己全身赤裸###########and I realize I am totally naked.
0,0:01:25.61,0:01:27.28噢  做过那种梦###########Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
0,0:01:27.28,0:01:30.53然后我低下头  看见那里有一部###########Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone
0,0:01:32.02,0:01:33.45大哥大###########there.
0,0:01:34.93,0:01:37.00-那话儿变成了  -没错###########- Instead of...?  - That's right.
0,0:01:37.00,0:01:38.42-这种梦倒从未做过  -没有###########- Never had that dream. - No.
0,0:01:38.42,0:01:42.50突然  那电话响起来了###########All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
0,0:01:43.02,0:01:45.65结果是我妈打来的###########And it turns out it's my mother,
0,0:01:46.50,0:01:49.18这非常非常奇怪###########which is very-very weird because-
0,0:01:49.53,0:01:51.70因为她从来不打电话给我###########she never calls me!
0,0:01:56.18,0:01:57.77嗨###########Hi.
0,0:01:58.87,0:02:01.91这家伙一张嘴打招呼  我就想自杀###########This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
0,0:02:02.35,0:02:03.58你还好吧  亲爱的###########Are you okay, sweetie?
0,0:02:03.58,0:02:05.77我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙###########I just feel like someone reached down my throat
0,0:02:05.77,0:02:07.63抓住我的小肠###########grabbed my small intestine,
0,0:02:07.63,0:02:08.82从我嘴里扯出来###########pulled it out of my mouth
0,0:02:08.83,0:02:10.01然后缠在我脖子上###########and tied it around my neck...
0,0:02:10.02,0:02:11.45饼干###########Cookie?
0,0:02:13.47,0:02:15.36卡罗尔今天把她的东西搬走了###########Carol moved her stuff out today
0,0:02:16.10,0:02:18.24-我帮你泡杯咖啡  -谢了###########- Let me get you some coffee.  - Thanks.
0,0:02:22.76,0:02:27.09不  不要  别再净化我的灵气了###########No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura!
0,0:02:27.37,0:02:30.47求你了  别碰我的灵气  好吗###########No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
0,0:02:31.35,0:02:32.72我会没事的  好吧###########I'll be fine, alright? 
0,0:02:32.72,0:02:34.92真的  各位  我希望她能幸福###########Really, everyone. I hope  she'll be very happy.
0,0:02:34.92,0:02:35.98-不  你不会  -没错  我不会的###########- No you don't. - No I don't, 
0,0:02:35.98,0:02:38.51去她的  她甩掉了我###########to hell with her, she left me!
0,0:02:39.31,0:02:41.81你又不知道她是女同性恋###########And you never knew she was a lesbian...
0,0:02:45.24,0:02:47.56不知道  行了吧###########No!! Okay?!
0,0:02:47.63,0:02:51.42为何大家都绕着这个话题打转###########Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
0,0:02:51.87,0:02:54.78她都不知道  我怎么会知道###########She didn't know, how should I know?
0,0:02:56.57,0:02:59.45有时我希望自己也是个女同性恋###########Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...
0,0:03:01.14,0:03:03.49我大声说出来了么###########Did I say that out loud?
0,0:03:04.88,0:03:06.87好了罗斯  瞧###########Alright Ross, look.
0,0:03:06.87,0:03:09.04你现在很痛苦###########You're feeling a lot of pain right now.
0,0:03:09.04,0:03:11.59你很生气  很伤心###########You're angry. You're hurting.
0,0:03:11.60,0:03:13.94要不要我给你支一招###########Can I tell you what the answer is?
0,0:03:14.01,0:03:16.09脱衣舞俱乐部###########Strip joint!
0,0:03:17.59,0:03:20.14别这样  作为光棍儿  爷们起来###########C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
0,0:03:20.14,0:03:22.33我不想单身的  好吗###########I don't want to be single, okay?
0,0:03:22.34,0:03:25.33我只想  再次结婚###########I just...I just wanna be married again!
0,0:03:29.78,0:03:32.96而我只想要一百万美金###########And I just want a million dollars!
0,0:03:34.18,0:03:35.37瑞秋###########Rachel?!
0,0:03:35.37,0:03:38.31噢  天啊  莫妮卡  嗨  谢天谢地###########Oh,God, Monica, hi! Thank God!
0,0:03:38.31,0:03:39.99我刚去了你家  可你不在###########I just went to your building and you weren't there 
0,0:03:39.99,0:03:42.53有个拿大锤子的家伙说你可能会在这儿###########and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here
0,0:03:42.53,0:03:44.30结果你真的在这儿 你真的在这儿###########and you are, you are!
0,0:03:44.30,0:03:47.05-要来杯咖啡吗  -无咖啡因的###########- Can I get you some coffee?  - De-Caff
0,0:03:48.27,0:03:50.31好了  各位  这是瑞秋###########Okay, everybody, this is Rachel,
0,0:03:50.77,0:03:52.57另一位林肯高中的幸存者###########another Lincoln High survivor.
0,0:03:52.57,0:03:54.08这就是各位啦  这是钱德勒###########This is everybody, this is Chandler,
0,0:03:54.08,0:03:55.88菲比  还有乔伊###########and Phoebe, and Joey,
0,0:03:55.88,0:03:57.80还记得我哥哥罗斯吗###########and you remember my brother Ross?
0,0:03:57.80,0:03:59.76-当然  嗨  -嗨###########- Hi, sure! - Hi.
0,0:04:08.65,0:04:09.97你是想现在跟我们说说###########So you wanna tell us now
0,0:04:09.97,0:04:13.08还是我们再等四位湿漉漉的伴娘过来###########or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
0,0:04:14.51,0:04:16.51噢  上帝  好吧###########Oh, God...well,
0,0:04:16.51,0:04:18.99大概在婚礼前半个小时###########it started about a half hour before the wedding.
0,0:04:19.39,0:04:22.19我当时在存放礼品的房间里###########I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents,
0,0:04:22.19,0:04:24.60看着调味汁瓶###########and I was looking at this gravy boat.
0,0:04:24.60,0:04:27.73那是一件极其美丽的里摩日细瓷调味汁瓶###########This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.
0,0:04:27.73,0:04:28.75然后  突然间###########When all of a sudden
0,0:04:28.75,0:04:29.65有糖吗###########Sweet 'n' Lo?
0,0:04:29.65,0:04:33.41我发现我对这个调味汁瓶###########I realized that I was more turned on
0,0:04:33.41,0:04:35.76比巴瑞更能引发我的兴奋感###########by this gravy boat than by Barry!
0,0:04:35.79,0:04:37.73然后我真的吓坏了###########And then I got really freaked out,
0,0:04:37.73,0:04:39.07突然想到###########and that's when it hit me:
0,0:04:39.08,0:04:41.79巴瑞真的超像薯头先生###########how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head.
0,0:04:42.12,0:04:44.33我是说  我总是觉得他眼熟###########Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar,
0,0:04:44.33,0:04:45.70但是###########but...
0,0:04:48.17,0:04:50.97不管怎么说  我必须离开那里###########Anyway, I just had to get out of there,
0,0:04:50.97,0:04:51.63我开始想###########and I started wondering
0,0:04:51.63,0:04:55.38"我干吗这么做  我这么做是为了谁"###########"Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?"
0,0:04:55.55,0:04:57.12不管怎么说  我不知该去哪里###########So anyway I just didn't know where to go,
0,0:04:57.12,0:04:59.20而且我知道我们有点疏远了###########and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart,
0,0:04:59.20,0:05:01.37但是  你是我在这个城市###########but you're the only person I knew
0,0:05:01.37,0:05:02.99唯一认识的人###########who lived here in the city.
0,0:05:02.99,0:05:04.91还没有被邀请参加婚礼###########Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
0,0:05:04.91,0:05:07.53噢  我希望这不是个问题###########Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...
0,0:05:22.00,0:05:24.93我猜他送她一台管风琴###########Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ,
0,0:05:24.93,0:05:26.80而她很不喜欢###########and she's really not happy about it.
0,0:05:28.58,0:05:31.67爸爸  我只是  不能嫁给他###########Daddy, I just... I can't marry him!
0,0:05:31.67,0:05:35.72对不起  我只是不爱他###########I'm sorry. I just don't love him.
0,0:05:36.81,0:05:39.18可是对我来说就有关系###########Well, it matters to me!
0,0:05:41.67,0:05:45.32噢  她真不应该穿那条裤子###########Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
0,0:05:45.88,0:05:47.96要我说  推她下楼###########I say push her down the stairs.
0,0:05:47.96,0:05:52.69推她下楼  把推她下楼  把推她下楼###########Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
0,0:05:55.11,0:05:57.13爸  你听我说###########C'mon Daddy, listen to me!
0,0:05:57.45,0:05:58.73这就好像  在我一生中###########It's like, it's like, all of my life,
0,0:05:58.73,0:06:01.81所有人都一直告诉我"你是一只鞋子###########everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! 
0,0:06:01.81,0:06:04.40你是鞋子  你是鞋子  你是鞋子###########You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'.
0,0:06:04.40,0:06:06.18可今天我停下来说###########And today I just stopped and I said, 
0,0:06:06.18,0:06:07.79"如果我不想成为一只鞋呢"###########'What if I don't wanna be a shoe?
0,0:06:07.79,0:06:12.69如果我想当一个包包  或是一顶帽子呢###########What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat!
0,0:06:13.74,0:06:15.23不  我不是要你给我买帽子###########No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, 
0,0:06:15.24,0:06:16.60我说我是一顶帽子###########I'm saying I am a ha-
0,0:06:16.60,0:06:18.73这是比喻啦  爸爸###########It's a metaphor, Daddy!
0,0:06:20.39,0:06:22.75这就是他的问题所在了###########You can see where he'd have trouble.
0,0:06:25.59,0:06:28.46听着爸爸  这是我的人生###########Look Daddy, it's my life.
0,0:06:28.64,0:06:32.14也许我可以和莫妮卡住在一起###########Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
0,0:06:34.49,0:06:37.72我猜和莫妮卡一起住的人选已然敲定了###########Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...
0,0:06:38.38,0:06:40.88也许那是我的决定###########Well, maybe that's my decision.
0,0:06:41.78,0:06:44.28也许我不需要你的钱###########Well, maybe I don't need your money.
0,0:06:44.28,0:06:46.31等等我说也许###########Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!
0,0:06:54.45,0:06:56.40深呼吸  ###########Just breathe, breathe...that's it.  
0,0:06:56.40,0:06:59.46就这样试着想些美好平静的事物###########Just try to think of nice calm things...
0,0:06:59.48,0:07:03.46玫瑰上的雨滴  小兔子和小猫咪###########Rain drops on roses and rabbits and kittens
0,0:07:03.46,0:07:08.13还有风铃草  雪橇铃  和啥啥的手套###########bluebells and sleighbells and something with mittens...
0,0:07:08.13,0:07:10.99啦啦啦  啥啥和绳子串起的面条###########La la la something and noodles with string.
0,0:07:10.99,0:07:11.69还有一些###########These are a few...
0,0:07:11.69,0:07:13.36我现在好多了###########I'm all better now.
0,0:07:15.03,0:07:16.52我帮上忙啦###########I helped!
0,0:07:19.03,0:07:21.50瞧  或许这样反倒最好###########Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know?
0,0:07:21.50,0:07:24.30你独立了  可以主宰自己的人生###########Independence. Taking control of your life.
0,0:07:24.30,0:07:28.62如有任何需求  尽管来找乔伊###########And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey.
0,0:07:28.62,0:07:31.12我和钱德勒就住在对面###########Me and Chandler live across the hall.
0,0:07:31.12,0:07:33.06而且他经常不在家###########And he's away a lot.
0,0:07:34.01,0:07:35.60乔伊  别再勾引她了###########Joey, stop hitting on her!
0,0:07:35.60,0:07:37.15今天是她结婚的日子###########It's her wedding day!
0,0:07:37.15,0:07:39.58怎么啦  难道还有什么明文规定不成###########What, like there's a rule or something?
0,0:07:41.32,0:07:44.99请不要在这么干了  这声音很烦人###########Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
0,0:07:45.09,0:07:46.85我是保罗###########It's, uh, it's Paul.
0,0:07:46.86,0:07:47.79让他进来###########Buzz him in.
0,0:07:47.79,0:07:50.44-保罗是谁  -调酒的那个保罗吗###########- Who's Paul? - Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
0,0:07:50.44,0:07:51.00也许吧###########Maybe.
0,0:07:51.12,0:07:53.24等等  你今晚的"非正式约会"对象###########Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight 
0,0:07:53.24,0:07:55.29是调酒师保罗###########is with Paul the Wine Guy?
0,0:07:55.29,0:07:57.06-他终于开口约你了吗  -是的###########- He finally asked you out?  - Yes!
0,0:07:57.06,0:07:59.66噢  这真是值得永久铭记的时刻###########Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
0,0:08:00.37,0:08:02.05瑞秋  我可以取消###########Rach, wait, I can cancel...
0,0:08:02.05,0:08:04.06不  你去吧我没事###########Please, no, go, that'd be fine!
0,0:08:04.06,0:08:07.52罗斯  你没事吧你要我留下来吗###########Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?
0,0:08:08.35,0:08:10.11那样最好  ###########That'd be good...
0,0:08:11.09,0:08:13.21-真的吗  -才怪 去吧###########- Really? - No, go on! 
0,0:08:13.21,0:08:15.17那可是调酒师保罗###########It's Paul the Wine Guy!
0,0:08:18.68,0:08:21.44嗨  请进  保罗  这是###########Hi, come in! Paul, this is...
0,0:08:22.19,0:08:24.96大家  各位  这是保罗###########...everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
0,0:08:24.97,0:08:25.76-嘿  保罗  -你好 ###########- Hey! Paul! - Hello!
0,0:08:25.76,0:08:27.32嗨  调酒师###########Hi! The Wine Guy!
0,0:08:27.32,0:08:30.25抱歉  没听清你的名字  保罗  是吗###########I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
0,0:08:30.67,0:08:32.98好了  坐会  马上就好###########Okay, sit down. Two seconds.
0,0:08:37.24,0:08:40.77噢  我刚拔掉四根睫毛  不是好兆头###########Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.
0,0:08:42.93,0:08:45.25瑞秋  你  你今晚打算怎么过###########So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
0,0:08:45.25,0:08:47.54这个嘛  本来我应该###########Well, I was kinda supposed to be 
0,0:08:47.54,0:08:51.07在阿鲁巴岛度蜜月  所以  没事做###########headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!
0,0:08:52.81,0:08:55.92对哦  你都不能去度蜜月  上帝###########Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God..
0,0:08:55.92,0:09:00.83不过在阿鲁巴岛的这个时候  说到你的###########No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your
0,0:09:01.98,0:09:03.90大蜥蜴###########big lizards...
0,0:09:07.92,0:09:10.62不管怎样如果你今晚不想独处的话###########Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight,
0,0:09:10.62,0:09:12.29乔伊和钱德勒要到我那儿###########Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me 
0,0:09:12.29,0:09:13.78帮我组合新家具###########put together my new furniture.
0,0:09:13.78,0:09:16.66是呀  我们特别期待特别兴奋###########Yes, and we're very excited about it.
0,0:09:17.34,0:09:18.52真的很感谢###########Well actually thanks,
0,0:09:18.52,0:09:20.66不过我今晚想待在这儿###########but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.
0,0:09:20.66,0:09:23.23-今天真的很漫长  -好吧  当然了###########- It's been kinda a long day. - Okay, sure.
0,0:09:23.23,0:09:24.91菲比你想来帮忙吗###########Hey, Pheebs, you wanna help?
0,0:09:24.91,0:09:27.66我倒希望能去帮忙  但我不想去###########Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
0,0:09:34.89,0:09:39.21我应该用一套这样的小蜗杆###########I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things,
0,0:09:39.21,0:09:42.42将托架装在侧面###########using a bunch of these little worm guys.
0,0:09:43.25,0:09:48.19但我没看见托架  也没有看见什么蜗杆###########I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever
0,0:09:48.19,0:09:51.21而且我的腿麻了###########and I cannot feel my legs.
0,0:09:53.15,0:09:54.30这是什么###########What's this?
0,0:09:54.30,0:09:56.96我也不知道###########I have no idea.
0,0:09:59.22,0:10:01.40-书架做好了  -全部完工###########- Done with the bookcase!  - All finished!
0,0:10:05.23,0:10:07.89这是卡罗尔最爱喝的啤酒###########This was Carol's favorite beer.
0,0:10:09.21,0:10:12.24她总是不用易拉罐喝  我该知道###########She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.
0,0:10:13.50,0:10:15.10罗斯  我问你一个问题###########Ross, let me ask you a question.
0,0:10:15.10,0:10:19.58她得到了家具  音响和很棒的电视机###########She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV-
0,0:10:19.58,0:10:21.39你得到什么###########what did you get?
0,0:10:21.57,0:10:22.21你们###########You guys. 
0,0:10:22.21,0:10:23.63-天啊  -你被坑了###########- Oh, my God. - You got screwed. 
0,0:10:23.63,0:10:25.01天哪###########Oh my God!
0,0:10:25.01,0:10:29.01-天哪  -我知道  我是个大白痴###########- Oh my God! - I know, I know, I'm such an idiot.
0,0:10:29.35,0:10:30.47她每周看四五次牙医时###########I guess I should have caught on when 
0,0:10:30.47,0:10:34.12我心里就该有数了###########she started going to the dentist four and five times a week.
0,0:10:34.13,0:10:36.38我是说  牙齿能需要多干净呢###########I mean, how clean can teeth get?
0,0:10:36.53,0:10:39.10我哥也碰到这种事了  他也很纠结###########My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess.
0,0:10:39.10,0:10:40.81你是怎么熬过来的###########How did you get through it?
0,0:10:40.81,0:10:44.59你可以尝试  不小心砸烂她贵重的东西###########Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers,
0,0:10:44.59,0:10:46.36-比如她的  -腿###########- say her... - ...leg?
0,0:10:46.36,0:10:49.46那也是种选择  至于我嘛###########That's one way! Me, I- 
0,0:10:49.46,0:10:50.93我砸烂了她的表###########I went for the watch.
0,0:10:50.93,0:10:53.01你真的把她的表弄坏了###########You actually broke her watch?
0,0:10:53.28,0:10:56.72巴瑞  对不起  真是对不起###########Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry...
0,0:10:56.72,0:10:58.29你一定认为这件事跟###########I know you probably think that this is all about
0,0:10:58.29,0:11:00.82我那天说你穿着袜子做爱有关###########what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on,
0,0:11:00.82,0:11:04.25其实不是  是我的原因  我只是###########but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I just...
0,0:11:11.53,0:11:13.50喂  电话又断了###########Hi, machine cut me off again...
0,0:11:13.50,0:11:15.07不管怎样  听着###########anyway...look, look,
0,0:11:16.39,0:11:17.93你知道最可怕的是什么###########You know what the scariest part is?
0,0:11:17.93,0:11:20.79万一人这一辈子只有一个女人怎么办###########What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know?
0,0:11:20.79,0:11:22.55我是说如果你找了个女人###########I mean what if you get one woman-
0,0:11:22.55,0:11:24.21然后就此过一生###########and that's it?
0,0:11:24.21,0:11:28.87不幸的是  我唯一的女人爱的是  女人###########Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
0,0:11:29.52,0:11:32.69你说什么呢  "一个女人"###########What are you talking about? 'One woman'?
0,0:11:33.59,0:11:37.39这就像是在说  你只能吃一种冰淇淋口味###########That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you.
0,0:11:37.40,0:11:40.68让我告诉你  罗斯  还有很多种口味###########Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there.
0,0:11:40.68,0:11:46.21有巧克力坚果味  曲奇味还有香草味###########There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla.
0,0:11:46.36,0:11:51.12还可以和糖条  果仁  或者奶油一起吃###########You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream!
0,0:11:51.12,0:11:53.88这简直是你一生中最大的喜事###########This is the best thing that ever happened to you!
0,0:11:53.88,0:11:57.30你难道是八岁结的婚吗###########You got married, you were, like, what, eight?
0,0:11:58.72,0:12:02.45欢迎回到现实世界  拿起勺子开挖吧###########Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
0,0:12:02.83,0:12:06.11我真不晓得现在自己是真饿了还是欲火难耐###########I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
0,0:12:06.11,0:12:07.98离我的冰箱远点###########Stay out of my freezer!
0,0:12:10.92,0:12:14.13自从她甩掉我之后  我就###########Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
0,0:12:14.58,0:12:18.78怎么了  你打算边搅面条边讲吗###########What?... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?
0,0:12:18.78,0:12:23.14不  这该是第五次约会时候才说的事儿###########No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
0,0:12:23.66,0:12:27.78噢  这么说会有第五次约会了###########Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
0,0:12:27.78,0:12:29.59你不想吗###########Isn't there?
0,0:12:29.63,0:12:32.73想  我想的###########Yeah... yeah, I think there is.
0,0:12:33.23,0:12:35.29你刚才想说什么###########What were you gonna say?
0,0:12:37.12,0:12:42.43好吧  自从她离开后###########Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me,
0,0:12:43.68,0:12:47.17我就一直无法过###########um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform.
0,0:12:47.17,0:12:48.73性生活###########...Sexually.
0,0:12:51.34,0:12:53.14天啊  天啊  对不起###########Oh, God, Oh, God, I am sorry...
0,0:12:53.14,0:12:54.61-真不好意思  -没事  没事###########- I am so sorry... - It's okay...
0,0:12:54.61,0:12:57.87我知道你现在需要的必然不是被人喷一身水###########I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now.
0,0:12:58.06,0:13:03.43-多久了  -两年了###########- Um... how long? - Two years.
0,0:13:03.71,0:13:09.42我真高兴你砸烂了她的表###########Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!
0,0:13:10.41,0:13:14.79那你还想要第五次约会吗###########So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
0,0:13:16.71,0:13:20.17是的  我希望有###########...Yeah. Yeah, I do.
0,0:13:26.09,0:13:31.21看  乔安妮是爱卡奇的  ###########Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! 
0,0:13:31.46,0:13:33.69这就是不同###########That's the difference!
0,0:13:35.38,0:13:36.99"拿起勺子"###########Grab a spoon.
0,0:13:36.99,0:13:40.29你知道我拿起勺子多久了吗###########Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon?
0,0:13:40.29,0:13:43.67难道"比利  别逞英雄"这句话对你没意义###########Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?
0,0:13:40.29,0:13:43.67{\an3\fs16\bord0\fn微软雅黑\fad(0,0)\b0\pos(374,247)}《比利  别逞英雄》  70年代反战歌曲
0,0:13:45.29,0:13:47.22还有个问题###########Y'know, here's the thing.
0,0:13:47.22,0:13:51.76就算我鼓足了勇气  想约个女人出来###########Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,...
0,0:13:52.87,0:13:54.81我又能约谁呢###########who am I gonna ask?
0,0:14:16.56,0:14:17.96不可思议吧###########Isn't this amazing? 
0,0:14:17.96,0:14:20.71我这辈子从没泡过咖啡###########I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
0,0:14:20.71,0:14:23.21-真不可思议  -恭喜你了###########- That is amazing. - Congratulations.
0,0:14:23.21,0:14:24.10既然你现在正进入角色###########While you're on a roll
0,0:14:24.10,0:14:27.53有没有想做个煎蛋卷之类的东西###########If you feel like you have to make a Western omelet or something..
0,0:14:30.89,0:14:33.21不过事实上我还不太饿 ###########Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
0,0:14:35.65,0:14:38.09-早安  -早安###########- Morning. - Good morning.
0,0:14:39.76,0:14:41.80-早安  -早安  保罗###########- Morning. - Morning, Paul.
0,0:14:41.80,0:14:44.46-你好保罗  -嗨  保罗是吧###########- Hello, Paul. - Hi, Paul, is it?
0,0:14:51.65,0:14:54.54-谢谢  太感谢你了  -不要这样###########- Thank you. Thank you so much. - Stop.
0,0:14:54.54,0:14:55.78晚点联系###########We'll talk later.
0,0:15:02.10,0:15:03.01谢谢你###########Yeah. Thank you.
0,0:15:09.79,0:15:11.84那还不叫真正的约会###########That wasn't a real date?!
0,0:15:13.19,0:15:15.67那你真正的约会到底要干些什么###########What the hell do you do on a real date?
0,0:15:16.95,0:15:20.15-闭嘴  把桌子抬回去  -好啦###########- Shut up, and put my table back. - Okayyy!
0,0:15:20.70,0:15:22.78好了孩子们  我必须上班去了###########All right, kids, I gotta get to work.
0,0:15:22.78,0:15:24.87但如果我不输入那些数字###########If I don't input those numbers...
0,0:15:25.47,0:15:27.94也没什么关系###########it doesn't make much of a difference...
0,0:15:31.22,0:15:34.20你们大伙儿都有工作###########So, like, you guys all have jobs?
0,0:15:34.20,0:15:36.10对  我们都有工作###########Yeah, we all have jobs.
0,0:15:36.10,0:15:39.03这样才有钱买东西###########See, that's how we buy stuff.
0,0:15:40.28,0:15:42.06对  我是个演员###########Yeah, I'm an actor.
0,0:15:42.19,0:15:44.21你演过什么  我看过吗###########Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
0,0:15:44.21,0:15:46.75难说  大部分范围都挺小的###########I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
0,0:15:46.75,0:15:48.65等下  除非你碰巧看过###########Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the 
0,0:15:48.66,0:15:50.62《匹诺曹》的重播###########Reruns' production of Pinocchio.
0,0:15:50.63,0:15:53.76"瞧  盖佩多  我是真正的小男孩了"###########'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
0,0:15:50.63,0:15:53.76{\an3\fs16\bord0\fn微软雅黑\fad(0,0)\b0\pos(374,247)}《匹诺曹》的剧中台词
0,0:15:55.99,0:15:59.64-别这么侮辱人  -你说得对  对不起###########-  I will not take this abuse.  - You're right, I'm sorry.
0,0:16:00.09,0:16:02.95"我曾是个小木偶  小木偶"###########"Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
0,0:16:07.09,0:16:08.71今天感觉如何###########So how you doing today?
0,0:16:08.71,0:16:11.27睡得还好吧  跟巴瑞谈过了吗###########Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry?
0,0:16:11.27,0:16:13.37我无法停止笑###########I can't stop smiling.
0,0:16:13.83,0:16:14.64看得出来###########I can see that. 
0,0:16:14.65,0:16:17.42你活像昨晚睡觉时嘴里放了个撑衣架###########You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
0,0:16:23.06,0:16:26.24我知道  他是那么###########I know, he's just so, so...
0,0:16:26.46,0:16:28.28还记得你和托尼·德马科吗###########Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
0,0:16:28.28,0:16:29.17记得啊###########Oh, yeah.
0,0:16:29.17,0:16:31.97就像那样  那种感觉###########Well, it's like that. With feelings.
0,0:16:33.24,0:16:35.44-哇  你真是有麻烦了 ###########- Wow,are you in trouble! 
0,0:16:35.44,0:16:39.41好啦  好啦  我要站起来  去工作###########Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work
0,0:16:39.41,0:16:41.54而且一整天都不要想他###########and not think about him all day.
0,0:16:42.18,0:16:45.03或者只是站起来去工作###########Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
0,0:16:45.24,0:16:47.29-祝我好运  -为什么###########- Oh, look, wish me luck! - What for?
0,0:16:47.29,0:16:51.12我要去找那个工作什么的东西###########I'm gonna go get one of those job things.
0,0:16:58.51,0:17:00.05嘿  莫妮卡###########Hey, Monica!
0,0:17:00.06,0:17:01.37嘿  弗兰妮  欢迎回来###########Hey Frannie, welcome back!
0,0:17:01.37,0:17:02.89在佛罗里达过得如何###########How was Florida?
0,0:17:02.92,0:17:05.18你做爱了  对不###########You had sex, didn't you?
0,0:17:06.34,0:17:08.34-你怎么知道的 ###########- How do you do that? 
0,0:17:08.34,0:17:10.59那么  和谁###########So? Who?
0,0:17:10.59,0:17:12.35你认识保罗吧###########You know Paul?
0,0:17:12.79,0:17:14.51保罗  那个调酒的###########Paul the Wine Guy?
0,0:17:14.52,0:17:16.51对  我认识保罗###########Oh yeah, I know Paul.
0,0:17:18.66,0:17:21.57你是说你认识他就像我认识他一样###########You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
0,0:17:21.57,0:17:24.00开玩笑吧  保罗还欠我一个人情呢###########Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul.
0,0:17:24.00,0:17:28.60遇到我之前他已有两年无法过性生活###########Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
0,0:17:31.28,0:17:33.55显然他是骗你的###########Of course it was a line!
0,0:17:34.13,0:17:37.15为什么  为什么会有人那样做###########Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
0,0:17:37.15,0:17:39.62我想你是想让我们拿出一个###########I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated
0,0:17:39.62,0:17:42.44比"想和你上床"更为复杂的回答###########than 'to get you into bed'.
0,0:17:43.38,0:17:44.89问题出在我身上###########Is it me?
0,0:17:45.04,0:17:47.83难道我身上带着某种味儿 ###########Is it like I have some sort of beacon
0,0:17:47.83,0:17:51.81只有狗和有严重情感问题的男人才会发觉吗###########that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
0,0:17:51.81,0:17:53.94好啦  过来  把你的脚给我###########All right, c'mere, gimme your feet.
0,0:18:01.22,0:18:03.66我只是以为他是个好男人###########I just thought he was nice, y'know?
0,0:18:05.79,0:18:08.65我真不相信  你不知道那是个谎言###########I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
0,0:18:13.04,0:18:15.21-猜猜怎么了  -你找到工作了###########- Guess what?  - You got a job?
0,0:18:15.21,0:18:18.38开玩笑吗  我什么都不会###########Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing!
0,0:18:19.82,0:18:22.12今天十二个面试  我都是被嘲笑轰出来的###########I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
0,0:18:22.12,0:18:23.96不过你却异常兴奋###########And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
0,0:18:23.96,0:18:27.37如果你遇见"约翰&大卫"的皮靴打五折###########You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale,
0,0:18:27.38,0:18:29.28也会跟我一样的###########fifty percent off!
0,0:18:29.61,0:18:32.85是呀  你多了解我啊###########Oh, how well you know me...
0,0:18:32.85,0:18:34.71这就是  我不需要工作###########They're my new 'I don't need a job,
0,0:18:34.71,0:18:37.72不需要父母  一双好皮靴足矣###########I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
0,0:18:39.10,0:18:40.65你怎么付的款###########How'd you pay for them?
0,0:18:40.65,0:18:42.03用信用卡###########Uh, credit card.
0,0:18:42.03,0:18:43.83那谁付账单###########And who pays for that?
0,0:18:44.15,0:18:46.41我爸啊###########Um... my... father.
0,0:18:48.86,0:18:50.95拜托  你不能靠你爸一辈子###########C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.
0,0:18:50.95,0:18:54.45我知道  这就是为什么我要结婚###########I know that. That's why I was getting married.
0,0:18:55.46,0:18:58.58饶了她吧  第一次独立并不轻松###########Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
0,0:18:58.58,0:18:59.32谢谢###########Thank you.
0,0:18:59.32,0:19:01.85不客气  我记得我第一次来纽约时的情景###########You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city.
0,0:19:01.85,0:19:02.90当时我十四岁###########I was fourteen.
0,0:19:02.91,0:19:05.91我妈刚自杀  我继父再度入狱###########My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison,
0,0:19:05.91,0:19:08.23我来到这里  举目无亲###########and I got here, and I didn't know anybody.
0,0:19:08.23,0:19:10.63最后我和一个白化病患者住在一起###########And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like,
0,0:19:10.63,0:19:13.04他给港务局的人清洗车窗玻璃###########cleaning windshields outside port authority,
0,0:19:13.04,0:19:14.90后来他也自杀了###########and then he killed himself,
0,0:19:16.37,0:19:18.00然后我成了按摩师###########and then I found aromatherapy.
0,0:19:18.01,0:19:20.98所以相信我  我完全了解你的感受###########So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
0,0:19:24.42,0:19:27.24你想要说的话是###########The word you're looking for is
0,0:19:27.70,0:19:29.52"无论如何"  ###########"Anyway"...
0,0:19:33.17,0:19:34.39好了准备好了吗###########All right, you ready?
0,0:19:34.39,0:19:35.31-我不这么想 ###########- I don't think so. 
0,0:19:35.31,0:19:41.53剪掉  剪掉  剪掉###########C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...
0,0:19:45.71,0:19:47.66欢迎来到现实世界###########Welcome to the real world!
0,0:19:47.66,0:19:50.34它糟透了  但你会喜欢的###########It sucks. You're gonna love it!
0,0:19:57.34,0:20:00.87好啦  你要睡在沙发上吗###########Well, that's it. You gonna crash on the couch?
0,0:20:00.87,0:20:03.34不  我要回家###########No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
0,0:20:03.57,0:20:05.32-你没事吧  -没事###########- You be okay?  - Yeah.
0,0:20:07.05,0:20:09.76莫妮卡  看我在地板上发现了什么###########Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor.
0,0:20:11.12,0:20:12.58什么###########What?
0,0:20:12.94,0:20:14.90那是保罗的表###########That's Paul's watch.
0,0:20:14.90,0:20:19.51放回原地就好了###########You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy
0,0:20:19.51,0:20:23.13-好吧  晚安各位  -晚安###########- Alright. Goodnight, everybody.  - Goodnight.
0,0:20:34.95,0:20:35.62-对不起  -不不  你来###########- Sorry-  - No no no, go-  
0,0:20:35.62,0:20:36.81不不  你吃吧  真的  我不想吃###########No, you have it, really, I don't want it
0,0:20:36.81,0:20:39.19-分着吃  -好吧###########- Split it?  - Okay.
0,0:20:43.49,0:20:44.55你大概不知道###########You know you probably didn't know this, 
0,0:20:44.55,0:20:46.85我在高中时  曾经###########but back in high school, I had a, um,
0,0:20:47.42,0:20:49.64暗恋过你###########major crush on you.
0,0:20:50.46,0:20:51.98我知道###########I knew.
0,0:20:52.17,0:20:53.88你知道  哦###########You did! Oh....
0,0:20:55.36,0:20:56.34我还以为你一直认为###########I always figured you just thought
0,0:20:56.34,0:20:59.06我是莫妮卡的怪哥哥呢###########I was Monica's geeky older brother.
0,0:20:59.06,0:20:59.70的确如此###########I did.
0,0:21:05.53,0:21:07.09听着  你是不是认为###########Oh. Listen, do you think
0,0:21:07.60,0:21:09.88不要太在意我###########and try not to let my intense vulnerability 
0,0:21:09.88,0:21:12.07脆弱的心灵###########become any kind of a factor here
0,0:21:13.02,0:21:15.20但是你觉得我能约你出去吗###########but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out?
0,0:21:15.20,0:21:17.01偶尔  有可能吗###########Sometime? Maybe?
0,0:21:18.25,0:21:21.86当然  或许###########Yeah, maybe...
0,0:21:22.95,0:21:31.53好  好  或许我会的###########Okay... okay, maybe I will...
0,0:21:35.89,0:21:37.45-晚安  -晚安###########- Goodnight.  - Goodnight.
0,0:21:51.47,0:21:52.91再见###########See ya....
0,0:21:54.97,0:21:58.18等等  你怎么了###########Waitwait, what's the deal?
0,0:21:59.56,0:22:01.84我刚刚拿起了勺子###########I just grabbed a spoon.
0,0:22:10.49,0:22:12.12我真不敢相信我的耳朵###########I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
0,0:22:12.12,0:22:14.04我真不敢相信我的耳朵###########I can't believe what I'm hearing here...
0,0:22:14.04,0:22:14.94怎么了  我说你有一个###########What? I-I said you had a
0,0:22:14.94,0:22:16.85我说你有一个###########What I said you had...
0,0:22:17.39,0:22:18.91你能不能不这么干###########Would you stop?
0,0:22:18.91,0:22:21.42-噢  我又来了  -是的###########- Oh, was I doing it again?  - Yes!
0,0:22:22.71,0:22:25.55有人要咖啡吗###########Would anybody like more coffee?
0,0:22:26.78,0:22:29.22是你冲的  还是你端来的###########Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
0,0:22:29.22,0:22:31.68-我端来的  -好吧  给我来杯咖啡###########- I'm just serving it.  - Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
0,0:22:33.05,0:22:34.68孩子们  我又做新梦了###########Kids, new dream...
0,0:22:35.04,0:22:36.31我在拉斯维加斯###########I'm in Las Vegas.
0,0:22:36.31,0:22:38.06我是丽莎·明妮莉###########I'm Liza Minelli-