扼住命运的咽喉

      近些日子来，没有人不说我变了，变得孤独、呆滞，甚至于有一种让人难堪的“深沉”。于是乎我也开始怀疑起自己了---我真的变了嘛！

    记忆中的我，积极、好学、上进，凡事不甘落后，大有一种“光宗耀祖”的追求。年轻时也就自然地博得了许多耀眼的“桂冠”，赢来了许多同龄人的羡慕，为此我也就“骄傲”了许久许久。
    记忆中的我，热情、善良、豁达，老少皆为至交，即使难为“车水马龙”的恭维，但也少不了“儒雅论道、纯真俗争”的谈笑。虽说有点贻笑大方之嫌，但中年时的我还总觉得洒脱快乐。
    我真的变了，变得让我也难以理解。
    脸上没有了笑容，与人懒得交流。工作没有了追求，凡事得过且过。如今的我几乎是足不出户，最怕见人。最怕见年轻人，看见他们，我就心疼，我的儿女为什么不是他们！最怕见老年人，看见他们，我就嫉妒，我的心境为什么不像他们。

    我真的变了，细细想一下，我也接受了。谁让我是我，而不是你！
    我真的变了，你们不理解，我也接受了，谁让你是你，而不是我！

    前世---今世---来世，究竟是谁主宰着我的命运。
    地道---人道---天道，究竟是谁铸造着我的灵魂。

 

    我突然记起贝多芬的一句话“扼住命运的咽喉”，我扼住了吗？！

 

 

The nearer day comes, no one doesn't say that I changed and became standing alone and stagnant, even in have a kind of embarrassed"deeply sink" that let a person.Thus I also start doubting to arise from F-I really changed!

In the memory of I, aggressive, learn, go forward so much, the all things is unwilling to fall behind and greatly have pursuing of a kind of"only believe in to show off Zu".Young also naturally won many dazzling"laurel wreath"s, win come many together age the envying of person is this I also"proud" for a long time and for a long time.
In the memory of I, passionate, kind and open-minded, old little all is a best friend, even if difficult is a "raging river of cars and trucks" compliment, but also necessary"cultured theory way, purely true vulgar contend for" talks to smile.Although it is said a little bit become a laughingstock of suspicion, but middle age of I still always feel a big-hearted happiness.
I really changed and became to let me the hard comprehension is also.
There isn't any smiling face on the face, being lazy with others must communicate.The work has no pursue, the all things lets what wills do well enough alone.Now of I almost keep the house and afraid to see people most .Fear to see young man most , see them, I love, why isn't my children them!Fear to see old people most , see them, I envy, why is my mood different from them.

I really changed, small and soft give it a bit of thought, I also accepted.Who allow me to am me, not you!
I really changed, you ignored a solution, I also accepted, who allow you to are you, not I!

Previous incarnation-present life-future life, actually is who dominate my destiny.
Tunnel-humality-God's way, actually is who cast my soul.

I suddenly remember Beethoven's a words"grip the throat of destiny", did I grip?!