Nightmare

2010-07-16/Lexlin

Last night he had a nightmare that he lost her in the night and so many robbers rounded them simultaneously. He tried to fight them and was seriously injured. His foot was cut through by one dragger which caused massive blood loss. Finally he got policemen’s help and was healed by some doctor. He seldom could remember the dream of last night, but he did remember it very clearly and even he felt a little painful at his right foot. He felt strange he had such a bad and sudden dream. And he came to think of her.

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For the past half year it has been like that she was always unsatisfied with him about his everything, including his appearance, life habit, salary, and even his smile. He loves her and insisted that she is a pretty girl with good-looking, intelligence and stand-alone capability. He would like to do everything just to make her feel happy. But sometimes he felt tortured, sad and unwanted. He doubted that whether she ever loved him even though they got together for a long time. She always blamed and criticized him. It looks like that he had never done anything right, and she is definitely right on everything. He comes out as feeling annoyed rather than feeling abandoned. He did so many things that he never would like to do to make her happy, but it seemed she feels that everything he had done was his duty. He did cleaning, did cooking and washing plate even when he just arrived at home from his office and she was rest at home. She always said he is selfish, but now he felt that she is more selfish than him. She always looks like not to keep living on harmony, but found fault on him. He felt frustrated and sometimes unconsciously come off to her as angry and abrupt.

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Communication between he and she seems useless due to finally he would be the guy who made mistakes to make things bad. He loves her, but she never perceived his love and tenderness at all. And he also would ask where her love and tenderness is. Since nothing could make her satisfied, keeping cautious make no sense. She always asked whether they could keep long relationship. He thought it was obvious, but now he doubted it. He never understood why so many persons like to suicide themselves, but now he thought he could understand them. He was not a daredevil and was also intense fear for death, but now living is not so beautiful and death is also not so horrible.

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Ever he unwittingly put a long face and didn’t say a word. He knew himself it’s so ugly and awful that nobody would like to face his so straight face. But at that moment he was out of control and could not stop himself. Eventually he apologized to her and kept it in his mind he would never show this serious brow to her and would never let it happen again. But it impact on that she would never like to forget it and became no trust on him any more.

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Extreme pain will bring numb, likewise too many complaint and querimony make person annoyed and motiveless. Timely provocation can only bring disappointment and depression.Only one person’s effort cannot make thing better. Whatever it will become if she would not like to take any efforts. If she truly stands in your shoes, she would want to do something about this.