女人拉屎故事_一个敏锐的女性下午的故事-CSDN博客

女人拉屎故事

A while back I wrote about the first phase of my career. When I made the move from software engineer to product manager and “never looked back”. I’m writing to come clean and admit that I have frequently considered moving back to engineering, for many of the reasons I outline here, and one more reason that is the subject of this story.

前一段时间，我写了关于我职业生涯第一阶段的文章。当我从软件工程师转到产品经理时，“从不回头”。我写这篇文章的目的是为了使自己更加干净，并承认我经常考虑回到工程学，这是由于我在这里概述的许多原因，以及这个故事的另一个原因。

PM seems like the ideal job for those of us who are technically strong but care more about the why and the what than the how and the details. And it is. Mostly. But now that I can look back on my transition to PM from 15+ years distance, I see a pattern that I can’t ignore.

对于我们这些技术上精通但又更关心为什么和什么而不是如何和细节的人来说，PM似乎是理想的工作。是的。大多。但是，现在我可以回顾从15年以上的距离过渡到PM的过程，我看到了一个不可忽视的模式。

审核时间 (Review time)

I was successful as a PM. Overall my reviews were very good — sometimes outstanding, twice mediocre. I was promoted to lead, then GPM, and eventually ran a team of 75+ PMs.

我作为一名总理很成功。总体而言，我的评论非常好-有时很出色，两次平庸。我被提拔为领导，然后升任GPM，并最终组建了一支拥有75多名PM的团队。

As an engineer and engineering manager though, my reviews were universally outstanding. That’s not to say I didn’t receive critical feedback while I was in engineering. But the type of feedback I got changed when I switched to PM. And the feedback more often resulted in an impact to my “final” score (in whatever review system). It seems reasonable to say that, over time, this likely impacted my career trajectory and compensation.

不过，作为一名工程师和工程经理，我的评价普遍出色。这并不是说我在工程期间没有收到重要的反馈。但是当我切换到PM时，反馈的类型发生了变化。而且反馈(通常是在任何审阅系统中)更经常会对我的“最终”分数产生影响。可以说，随着时间的流逝，这可能会影响我的职业发展轨迹和薪酬。

Writing this right now, while our country is deeply in the throes of protests over systematic and pervasive racism and police brutality, climate issues that are threatening many of us, and a global pandemic, I feel pretty whiny complaining about my trajectory and comp given I’ve arguably been very successful. So please read with that in mind.

现在写这篇文章，虽然我们的国家深陷系统的，普遍的种族主义和警察暴行，威胁我们许多人的气候问题以及全球大流行的抗议浪潮中，但我感到非常不满，抱怨我的轨迹和能力可以说非常成功。因此，请牢记这一点。

I also want to acknowledge that this is not A/B testable. We can’t put my exterior on one of my male peers and see if he had the same amount of success. And we can’t turn me into a man and see if I was similarly blocked from getting further “up”. Especially since I also have the fairly typical female characteristic of not asking for promotion but waiting for it to happen, and am not, by nature, particularly ambitious — instead choosing to focus my energy more on the outcomes I’m striving for.

我也想承认这不是A / B可测试的。我们无法将自己的外表放在一位男性同龄人身上，看看他是否有同样的成功率。而且，我们无法将我变成一个男人，看看我是否同样受到阻碍而无法进一步“上升”。尤其是因为我还有一个相当典型的女性特征，就是不要求升职而是等待升职，而且天生就不那么雄心勃勃，而是选择将精力更多地集中在我追求的成果上。

With all those caveats, my experience was that as a PM the critical feedback was all about my interpersonal skills. In engineering, it was mostly suggestions for how to get even better results, or literally nothing but “great job”.

在所有这些警告中，我的经验是，作为一名PM，关键的反馈是关于我的人际交往能力的。在工程学中，主要是关于如何获得更好结果的建议，或者实际上只是“伟大的工作”而已。

But wait… As an engineer and engineering manager, I also collaborated with other people to get things done, didn’t I? Did I just have boss’s that didn’t want to confront me on my interpersonal skills? I don’t think so, but yeah, I guess it’s possible. Did I change when I became a PM? Hell no.

但是等等……作为一名工程师和工程经理，我还与其他人合作完成工作，不是吗？我是否只是不想在我的人际交往能力上与我对抗的老板？我不这么认为，但是，是的，我想这是可能的。成为PM时我有改变吗？一定不行。

In looking back and trying to make sense of it, I’ve come up with this hypothesis:

在回顾并试图理解它时，我提出了以下假设：

My personality (smart, outcome-focused, confident, skeptical) + PM being a “helper” profession, not a “maker” profession + my gender = 🤨

我的性格(聪明，注重结果，自信，怀疑) + PM是“帮助”职业，而不是“创造者”职业+我的性别=🤨

Where that emoji is an engineer expressing “umm… who’s this chick and why is she challenging me?” 😂

那个表情符号是一位工程师在说“嗯……这只小鸡是谁，为什么她要挑战我？” 😂

“尖锐”是一把双刃剑 (“Incisive” is a double-edged sword)

A good friend and former colleague recently told me he thought I would be good at some job (consulting, I think). He said “Your incisiveness would be great there”.

一个好朋友和前同事最近告诉我，他认为我会胜任某些工作(我认为是咨询)。他说：“您的敏锐度在那会很棒”。

incisive: (of a person or mental process) intelligently analytical and clear-thinking; (of an account) accurate and sharply focused

敏锐的：(对一个人或一个心理过程的)明智的分析和清晰的思维； (帐户)准确且重点明确

If any of us could be boiled down to a single word, that would be mine. It’s shorter than smart, outcome-focused, confident, and skeptical 😊.

如果我们中的任何一个都可以归结为一个词，那将是我的。它比聪明，注重结果，自信和怀疑的人短。

As an engineering manager, this seemed to be an asset. The areas for improvement for me were things like “motivate your employees to get better at coding” (to which I responded “how ‘bout we just hire intrinsically motivated people?”) and “focus more on architecture” (to which I responded “how ‘bout we hire a tech lead?”). Beyond that, just appreciation, promotion, and “what can we do to keep you?”.

作为工程经理，这似乎是一笔财富。对我来说，需要改进的地方包括“激励您的员工在编码方面变得更好”(我对此回答“我们如何聘请内在动机的人？”)和“更多地关注体系结构”(对此我做出了回应) “我们如何聘请技术主管呢？”)。除此之外，还只是欣赏，提升和“我们能做些什么来留住您？”。

Nothing about being too aggressive, not being a team player, or acting like I was the smartest person in the room. All of which I heard as a PM. (Side note: After the first four years of my 25+ year career, I never had a single woman in my entire management chain, all the way up to the CEO. I haven’t counted these human beings but to give you a sense and to confirm that I didn’t just stay in one place, I’d say it’s at least 50. And I was just two people away from Tim Cook in my last role. 🤯)

没什么太过激进，没有成为团队合作者或表现得像我是会议室中最聪明的人一样。作为总理，我都听到了。 (旁注：在我25年以上的职业生涯的头四年中，我在整个管理链中一直没有一个女人，一直到CEO为止。我没有算过这些人，只是给了你一种感觉并确认我不只是呆在一个地方，我想说它至少是50岁。而我上一个职位离蒂姆·库克只有两个人。away)

In my first job as a PM, an engineering manager (who ironically later recruited me to another company) told me I needed to stop telling the engineers that they were doing the wrong work. I hadn’t in so many words, of course, but yeah, I did share with the team that I thought something else was a higher priority. I thought it was my job to make sure they were working on the right things, because otherwise, they were wasting their time, right? Who would want to do that?

在我作为PM的第一份工作中，一名工程经理(后来讽刺地把我招到另一家公司)告诉我，我必须停止告诉工程师他们做错了工作。我说的话并没有那么多，但是，是的，我确实和团队分享了我认为其他优先事项。我认为确保他们在做正确的事情是我的工作，因为否则他们会浪费时间，对吗？谁想这样做？

It hit me pretty hard. I was crushed and more than a little confused. It was my first strongly negative feedback in my 9 year career. It hit me hard enough that I stopped being openly incisive for a bit. I felt that my insights were not welcome, that they did not want me to use my brain.

它给我很大的打击。我被压碎了，有些困惑了。这是我9年职业生涯中的第一个强烈的负面反馈。我受够了沉重的打击，以至于我不再公开地变得尖锐。我觉得我的见解不受欢迎，他们不想让我动脑子。

Shortly after that, one of my peers pulled me aside and said “What happened to you? In that meeting just now, I expected you to tell them what was wrong with their approach and you didn’t say anything!” I told her what happened. She said, “If it’s not the right fit, find somewhere else. You have to be you.”

此后不久，我的一位同伴把我拉到一边说：“你怎么了？刚才在那次会议上，我希望您告诉他们他们的做法出了什么问题，您什么也没说！我告诉她发生了什么事。她说：“如果不合适，请找其他地方。你必须是你。”

Sorry, friend, but that was bad advice. She should have told me what I will tell you now.

抱歉，朋友，但这是个坏建议。她应该告诉我我现在要告诉你的。

As a female PM, you need to get great at sharing your insights gently. At influencing instead of challenging. You need to learn to speak your truth with kindness and respect. And learn how to question to minimize defensiveness.

作为女性项目经理，您需要善于轻柔地分享您的见解。在影响而不是挑战。您需要学会善意和尊重地讲自己的真理。并学习如何质疑以最小化防御。

In other words… While you have to be incisive to be great at PM, you need to keep it to yourself. Especially if you are a woman.

换句话说，虽然您必须敏锐地表现出出色的PM，但您仍需要保持自己。特别是如果您是女人。

Now as it turns out, some people (me 🙋‍♀️) are so incisive that there is no way to stop it from showing. I have played with this quite a bit. In a recent grad school cohort, in a recent coach training class… No matter how little I talk, how I work on my body language, how I focus on keeping my facial expression relaxed and open, as soon as I get some feedback, it’s basically the same: “We love how incisive you are.” Which is quickly followed by some version of “Could we get a little more softness please?”

事实证明，有些人(我是🙋️)非常敏锐，无法阻止它的显示。我已经玩了很多。在最近的一个研究生班上，在最近的教练培训班上……无论我说话多么少，我如何运用肢体语言，如何集中精力保持面部表情放松和开放，只要得到一些反馈，就可以基本相同：“我们热爱您的敏锐度。” 紧随其后的是某些版本的“请给我们更多的柔软度吗？”

But Shari, you may be thinking to yourself at this point, is this not good advice for approximately everyone in the workplace and in life?

但是，Shari，此时您可能正在考虑自己，这对工作场所和生活中的每个人来说不是一个好的建议吗？

Yes, of course it is. But that’s not the point. The point is that if you are female in a helping role, you have to heed it in order to succeed. Do I go so far as to say that if you are male and/or an engineer, it’s actually an added bonus? I don’t know. Again, not A/B testable.

是的，当然是。但这不是重点。关键是，如果您是女性，那么您必须注意才能成功。我是否可以说如果您是男性和/或工程师，实际上是一项额外的奖励吗？我不知道。同样，不是A / B可测试的。

帮助与制作 (Helping versus Making)

As a PM, your job is to make others more effective and that means their needs are primary, yours secondary. Your job is to gently but firmly guide the team to deliver the best product. Without them necessarily understanding just how much you are doing to make it all happen.

作为PM，您的工作是使其他人更有效率，这意味着他们的需求是首要的，而您的需求是次要的。您的工作是轻轻而坚定地指导团队交付最佳产品。没有他们的帮助，他们必须了解您为实现这一切而付出的努力。

Put another way, you are optional and they are not. The product will ship without you and it may even be successful. That is the crux of what it means to be in a helping profession instead of a making profession.

换句话说，您是可选的，但不是。该产品将在没有您的情况下发货，甚至可能会成功。这就是帮助行业而不是制造行业意味着什么的症结所在。

So yes, I was right about those engineers working on the wrong thing. And the engineering manager was right that it was not my job to tell them directly. It wasn’t helpful. It upset and confused them and it took a while to bring morale back up.

所以是的，我对那些从事错误工作的工程师是正确的。工程经理是对的，直接告诉他们不是我的工作。这没有帮助。它使他们感到不安和困惑，花了一段时间才恢复了士气。

无意识的偏见 (Unconscious Bias)

Is it just women? No, it’s not just women. But it is undoubtedly more true for women than for men. We all know unconscious bias is real. I myself am guilty of it.

只是女人吗？不，不只是女人。无疑，女性比男性更正确。我们都知道无意识的偏见是真实的。我自己对此感到内gui。

Another fun story from grad school. We were sitting at dinner and someone asked the table “if you were a cocktail, what would you be?”. I hesitated a split second and the man next to me said “Shari is a french martini. Beautiful to look at but when you take a sip, there’s a bite to it.”

研究生院的另一个有趣的故事。我们坐在晚餐上，有人问桌子“如果你是鸡尾酒，那你会是什么？”。我犹豫了一秒钟，旁边的人说：“ Shari是法国马提尼酒。看起来很漂亮，但是当你a一口时，就会被它吸引住。”

I had a dream that night about being an 11-year old and standing in front of my classroom. I was in math class and the teacher was upset because I got the answer right. I woke up in tears for the 11-year old me. And with the clarity that people don’t expect me to be incisive when they look at me. It’s surprising and often not in a good way.

那天晚上，我梦见了一个11岁大的孩子，站在教室前。我在数学课上，老师很沮丧，因为我得到正确的答案。我为11岁的我哭泣起来。清楚地说，当人们看着我时，他们并不期望我敏锐。这是令人惊讶的，而且往往不是一个好方法。

Like it or not, having the title “engineer” or “engineering manager” prepares people for it better than being a PM. And being a man prepares people for it better than being a woman.

不管您喜不喜欢，拥有“工程师”或“工程经理”的头衔要比成为PM更好地为人们做好准备。做男人比做女人更好地为人们做准备。

I know many male PMs and PM leaders. Most of them are incisive and most of them use it as one tool in their toolbox. They don’t always keep it to themselves, but they frequently do. I also know a few that are either unable or make no attempt to hide it and are very, very successful.

我认识许多男性PM和PM领导人。他们中的大多数人都是敏锐的，他们中的大多数人将其用作工具箱中的一种工具。他们并不总是将其保留给自己，但他们经常这样做。我也知道一些无法或没有尝试将其隐藏起来并且非常非常成功的人。

还有一个故事…… (One more story…)

Everyone knows that at Microsoft they used to stack rank people, literally 1 to n. Being “top of stack” was a great thing. Lots of RSUs, promotion opportunities, special trainings.

每个人都知道，在Microsoft，他们通常将人员排名从1到n。成为“堆栈顶部”是一件很棒的事情。很多RSU，晋升机会，特殊培训。

One year, my management team brought me into the calibration discussion with their execs as number 1 — the very top of the stack. The VP commented that he thought I had been too aggressive in defending my viewpoint on a contentious issue and didn’t take his “no” as the final answer when he said it. He knocked me down to the second tier. Dropped me 6 places in the stack rank.

一年后，我的管理团队与我的高管以第一名的身份将我带入了校准讨论，这是最重要的。副总裁评论说，他认为我在捍卫关于一个有争议问题的观点时过于激进，当他说这句话时，他并没有以“不”作为最终答案。他把我打倒到第二层。在堆叠排名中排名第六。

He did this over something that, a year later, it turned out I was right about. I think if you read the emails I sent to him trying to make my case and put a male name at the end, without saying whether it was a PM or engineer, most people would think it was just fine and the guy was an engineer. But as a female PM, I overstepped. I will acknowledge I was not respectful of his “no”. I was so sure I was right that I thought he just wasn’t understanding what I was saying 😳. I really wanted the right thing to happen.

一年后，他做了一件事情，结果证明我是对的。我认为，如果您阅读了我发给他的电子邮件，以说明情况，并在后面加上男性名字，而没有说是PM还是工程师，那么大多数人会认为这很好，而这个家伙是工程师。但是，作为一名女性总理，我超越了。我会承认我不尊重他的“不”。我非常确定自己是对的，以为他只是不明白我在说什么。我真的希望正确的事情发生。

Two of my management team that were in the room, both awesome humans, both white men, were pissed. I talked with both of them recently (this transpired 8 years ago now) and they both independently brought it up apologetically. They felt they had failed to successfully defend me. They said that the conversation about me went a lot like the conversation about a couple of male engineers that were top of stack on their respective teams. And the VP chose to have them get written feedback in the review but left them at the top of stack.

我在房间里的两个管理团队都很生气，都是白人。我最近和他们两个都聊过(现在已经是8年前了)，他们两个都道歉地独立提出来。他们觉得自己未能成功捍卫我。他们说，关于我的对话很像关于几个男性工程师的对话，这些男性工程师在各自团队中排在首位。副总裁选择让他们在评论中获得书面反馈，但将他们放在第一位。

These subtle but critically important differences in response are unconscious bias in action. Maybe you won’t hit them. I sincerely hope not. Maybe he was “right” to do it and it was a message I needed to hear. Maybe if I were male he would have done the same thing. 🤷‍♀️

这些React上的细微但至关重要的差异是行动中的无意识偏见。也许你不会打他们。我真诚地希望不会。也许他“正确”地做到了，这是我需要听到的信息。也许如果我是男性，他会做同样的事情。 ♀‍♀️

那么，您真的应该避免PM吗？ (So, should you really avoid PM?)

Title of this story aside, PM is the best discipline ever for the E/I, N, T, J/P’s (that’s MBTI speak) among us. It’s a perfect fit for me. Even the part where my incisive nature was not welcome. Because that has helped my grow as a person.

除了这个故事的标题之外，对于我们当中的E / I，N，T，J / P(即MBTI而言)，PM是有史以来最好的纪律。对我来说很合适。甚至我敏锐的本性也不受欢迎的那一部分。因为那帮助我成长为一个人。

And I also know some strong, smart, confident women engineering leaders that are pushed to soften their edges as well. As usual, there is no black and white.

我也认识一些强大，聪明，自信的女性工程领导者，他们也被迫软化自己的优势。和往常一样，没有黑色和白色。

I find that many engineering managers love strong, smart, confident PMs no matter what their gender. Like any personality type, it’s often about how the personality types interact with each other. And it’s about the culture of the organization as well.

我发现无论性别如何，许多工程经理都喜欢强大，聪明，自信的PM。像任何人格类型一样，通常都涉及人格类型如何相互影响。这也与组织的文化有关。

这是“公平”的吗？ (Is this “fair”?)

Fair isn’t really the question here. Sheryl Sandberg was probably the most openly vocal that we can’t change unconscious bias overnight and I agree with her. We have to adapt and educate and hopefully, over time, it changes.

公平并不是这里的问题。谢丽尔·桑德伯格(Sheryl Sandberg)可能是最公开的声音，我们不能在一夜之间改变无意识的偏见，我同意她的看法。我们必须适应和教育，并希望随着时间的推移它会改变。

I imagine being an engineering manager and along comes me as a PM. I likely would have been annoyed with me too. I’d like to say I’d have been open to an incisive, female PM, but I don’t think I would have been.

我想象自己是一名工程经理，后来成为我的项目经理。我可能也会对我感到恼火。我想说我对一位敏锐的女性总理持开放态度，但我认为我不会那样做。

It’s just reality that in some roles people are more comfortable with certain personalities. We all prefer our nurses to be more compassionate, don’t we? And we are good with our doctors being less so? Do you expect your HR manager to be cold and calculating? Stereotypes become stereotypes for a reason.

事实是，在某些角色中，人们对某些个性更加满意。我们都希望我们的护士更有同情心，不是吗？我们的医生少了那么好吗？您期望您的人事经理冷漠无情吗？刻板印象成为刻板印象的一个原因。

I wrote about the french martini comment in a paper and my professor commented that he “hadn’t noticed this about me”. He too is incisive. There are many (male) consultants who exude “incisive” and would tell me the same thing my peer at Microsoft told me — you have to be you.

我在一篇论文中写了关于法国马提尼酒的评论，而我的教授评论说他“没有注意到我的这件事”。他也很敏锐。有很多(男性)顾问散发出“敏锐”的心声，并且会告诉我微软的同僚告诉我的同样的事情-你必须是你。

And the OD women I met that were also incisive (almost all of them were — this profession has a lot in common with PM) reminded me of me. Clearly worked hard to soften, and still working at it. They had stories about the resistance to their insights. For example, my kick-ass professor who insisted “ideas are personal”. She learned that the hard way.

我遇到的OD妇女也很敏锐(几乎所有人都是-这个行业与PM有很多共同点)让我想起了我。显然，它在努力软化并仍在努力。他们有关于抵抗见解的故事。例如，我坚持“思想是个人的”的无礼教授。她了解到了这种艰难的方式。

总结思想-特别是如果您考虑以女性工程师的身份转到PM (Closing thoughts — especially if you are considering the move to PM as a female engineer)

It’s hard to be an incisive woman. It’s hard to be a woman in high-tech. It’s hard to be an incisive PM or any other helper discipline.

很难成为一个敏锐的女人。很难成为高科技女性。很难成为一位敏锐的PM或任何其他帮助者。

So if you recognize yourself in this story, if you are a female engineer considering the move to PM, consider that the combination may be more than you bargained for.

因此，如果您在这个故事中认出自己，并且如果您是一位考虑改用PM的女工程师，请考虑合并可能比您所讨价还价要高。

Consider that you can have great impact on the why and the what as you go up the engineering ladder.

考虑到您在上阶的过程中可能会对为什么以及发生什么产生重大影响。

Consider finding a company that is engineering-driven like Google or Apple. You may get the best of both worlds without having to soften. At least not that much 😉.

考虑寻找一家以工程为动力的公司，例如Google或Apple。您可能会两全其美，而不必放松。至少没有那么多😉。

And if you do move to PM, make sure there are several strong, female leaders in PM already. Facebook, for example.

而且，如果您确实要担任PM，请确保PM中已经有几位强大的女性领导者。以Facebook为例。

Good luck and please reach out if I can support you on your path!

祝您好运，如果我能在您的旅途中为您提供支持，请与我们联系！