TOEFL WRITING NOTE

参考链接：
https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1UaxueAEv6/?spm_id_from=333.1387.homepage.video_card.click&vd_source=593f361a7243c20fdf8211b316bc018f

学术讨论

1.INTRO format and score

2 demo - structure and problem solving

structure1 :
point and elaboration + further elaboration +example +concession

I believe grading shall focus on students’ performance on assignments and tests, since it is the most effective way to measure the progress in their study .(27)

To be more specific, performance on assignments and tests best reflect students’ understanding of academic concepts and their problem-solving skills, which are also the objective of most courses.(29) For example, the score on a mathematics test indicates if the students has completely understand formulas and theories , and if they can apply them in various conditions.(27)
Still , some might claim that students learn something beneficial to their life through their hard effort regardless of the performance. However, we all need to learn from our mistakes and correct them in time ,instead of persisting on wrong ideas and approaches .(20+22) .

Prompt analysis I

evaluation
comparison

对比和评价两个基本上占到了题目的70%

prompt II

point and elaboration

example

substantiation 具象化
story telling

concession

托福例文

1 社会问题 保守科学发现的秘密？

2 教育 例文 2024年12月

3 教育 演讲报告

不一定要覆盖所有小伙伴的观点，但是一定要回答教授的核心问题。

综合写作

INTRO

reading

structured note taking

listening

write up

more practice _reading

more practince – listening

more practice – write up

真题

1.11 学术讨论 雇佣老员工还是年轻员工？

教授：
We’ve been talking about the process of starting a new business. One of the most important aspects of the process is staffing- that is ,deciding which people to hire. Please discuss the following question: Is is better for new businesses to hire experienced veterans of the industry or to staff the business with younger employee who are right out of university ? Why do you think so ?

Claire：
I think a company should staff a business with the most experienced employee possible. If you’re starting a new business, you need people around you who what they are doing and can get the business up to speed fast. Spending time training inexperienced people will slow you down.

Paul:
I understand what Claire is saying ,but if you are starting a new business you want people who are particular enthusiastic and energetic .Who is better than a recent graduate to bring those qualities to the job? You would be guaranteed an ambitious hard worker.

审题注意：
new business ：是一家新公司，可以切入这种公司最需要怎样的人才。
experienced veterans of the industry :有经验的行业老手
好处：能够快速上手，不需要培训，直接有利于公司的发展。
坏处：工资要求比较高。
younger employees who are right out of university:大学刚刚毕业的年轻员工
好处：对工作更加投入，有些更加充满热情，愿意服从上司的安排，不介意加班等等
坏处：需要培训，直到，可能需要一段时间才能够做出成绩。

参考范文：

I side with Claire’s perspective that a startup should hire experienced professionals ,as they bring significant benefits within a short period – an advantage particularly vital for fledgling companies. With their extensive industry experience ,these veterans offer essential advice and insights, enabling startups not only achieve their objectives but also to avoid common pitfalls.
My father’s experience is a testament to this. After spending five years at Apple, he joined a new computer company as a development manager, tasked with designing the nest game-changing cellphone. While his colleagues were focused on competing with the iPhone by enhancing functionality and design, my father proposed a different strategy. Understanding the iPhone’s unparalleled market dominance , he suggested focusing on improving the cellphone’s camera quality, foreseeing the growing trend of using smartphone for photography . This insight, derived from his in-depth industry knowledge ,led to the development of a cellphone that stood out in the market for its superior camera capabilities ,achieving remarkable success.
This example clearly demonstrates the value of hiring experienced professionals over new graduates. Fresh graduates ,despite their enthusiasm and innovative ideas, often lack the practical experience and industry insights necessary to navigate the complex market dynamics effectively .Therefore ,for a startup aiming for rapid and sustained success ,recruiting veterans is not just wise but essential .(213 words)

1.11 是否教授新课程

Dr.Achebe:
This week we are studying how policy for public schools is created and how it may change over time. One very important topic for educational policy involves what courses should be taught in schools. Many people believe that new forms of communication and new kinds of employment require that new and different kinds of courses be taught . The question I want you to discuss is whether new ,innovative subjects should be taught in public schools.

Paul:
I firmly believe that public schools should introduce new courses . For example, people are increasingly communicating through sharing photos and videos on the internet . I think a course on video composition -how to create compelling and effective videos - would be highly valuable for today’s students . There are many other similar topics that students could benefit from as well.

Kelly:
However, I don’t believe that high school curriculums need to change drastically . The primary aim of most high school courses is to prepare students for higher education , and those fundamental requirements haven’t changed . If students want to learn something like composition or film editing, they can watch instructional videos on the internet. They don’t need to take classes in school to learn these things.

需要我们回答的问题是：是否新的，创新的可成应该在公立学校里面被教授。
不过题目中并没有告诉我们，新的创新的可成具体是指什么。
因此我们可以从两位小伙伴的对话内容中得到一些启发，他们列举了"how to create compelling and effective videos " 制作视频和"copmsition or film editing "写作或者是电影剪辑，所以就是当下比较流行的一些内容，也可以再列举一些，比如学习人工智能，编程，做pods播客等等。

可行的论点：
应该包括：
有利于学生为未来的不断变化的工作市场做准备/提升工作前景，现在很多新兴工作出现，比如主播，人工智能工程师等等都需要学生有这方面的技能。
有利于学生取得出色的成绩，比起枯燥抽象的数学，语法等等，学生都喜欢学习一些他们日常生活相关新鲜事物，比如做视频等等，当学生能够学习他们真正感兴趣的内容，他们也因此能够学的更加投入，更好。

不应该包括：
影响学生主业的学习，学生的时间和精力有限，就会导致他们没有足够的时间去学习更为重要的数学，历史等等；
影响他们未来大学学习和找工作，因为目前申请大学主要是还是看主流的传统可成的学术表现。工作雇主也希望雇佣拥有大学文凭的年轻人，所以学校花了很多时间教授这些创新课程，而忽略了传统课程，就会导致很多毕业生无法申请到好的大学，也面临着以后找不到好工作的危险。

参考范文：
Aligning with Paul’s view, I believe it is essential for students to integrate innovative subjects into their curriculum. This is because these kinds of classes can prepare students well for the rapidly evolving future. Advancing technology ,especially in the fields like Artificial Intelligence and digital communication , is poised to replace many professional roles in the near future. For example , AI technologies can perform complex tasks such as scheduling and medical diagnostics with remarkable accuracy. Those who ignore this trend may find themselves at risk of unemployment. Therefore, it is urgent for schools that aim to equip students with the necessary skills to thrive in the modern job market to .

It is tempting（诱人的，吸引人的） to think that , as Kelly has proposed , students can learn to grasp these skills in their spare time
by watching videos online. The sad truth is that not every student has access to the internet , not to mention advanced computers required for students subjects, Thus ,if public schools are hesitant to step in , the gap between affluent （富裕的，富足的）students and disadvantaged students is doomed （注定的，命定的；注定要失败的）to widen in the era of the digital world.(181)

1.8现金减少的好坏

Doctor Diaz
We are discussing recent trends in consumer behavior. One trend is decrease in the use of cash money. Consumers don’t use physical money to pay for things as much as they used to. Online shopping has a big impact on this. But even when shopping in person , more people are using credit cards , cash cards , and phone apps to make purchase . So do you think the decrease in using cash is positive or negative ? Why?

Andrew:
I think it’s great. I avoid using physical money. The main reason is that I don’t want to carry around a wallet stuffed with paper bills and coins. I carry my mobile phone with me anyway , so why carry two things when I only need one? Using my phone to pay for things in the stories a huge convenience.

Claire:
I think it’s negative. It is easier to keep track your spending when you use cash. When paying with cards or phone apps , it’s easy to ignore how much you spend and go over your budget. But with physical money , you are more aware of your spending , and if you run out of cash , you can’t spend any more!

审题分析：
现金的减少，是很多原因造成的，比如国外习惯使用信用卡，我国喜欢手机网络wechat , Alipay…

可行的思路：
现金使用减少的好处：
给人们带来了方便，因为现在人们可以使用信用卡（外国人使用较多），手机支付，甚至还可以通过面部识别来支付，所以人们就不需要带钱包，只需要带卡或者手机，甚至这些都不需要，可以刷脸。想要购买东西，购物就可以直接出门去买。besides， 也不用担心没有零钱无法支付的尴尬情况。比如，有时候乘坐公交，地铁，需要一两块买票，但是自己只有10多块钱。只能跟彭边的好心的陌生人还钱，但是如果可以刷卡，就没有这些麻烦事了。

给人们带来了安全。如果带现金钱包的话，很容易被偷。尤其是在国外旅游的时候，一般带的现金比较多，就非常容易成为小偷的目标，很不安全。但是如果用手机支付等，即便是被偷，小偷包不知道密码也无法进行转账，所以被偷的几率大大减少，就非常安全。

现金使用少的坏处：
给人们造成了不方便，有些地方只收现金（国外这种情况比较多）
导致花钱多，因为不用cash，钱就变成了数字，自己很容易就随便花出去了。

参考范文：
I wholeheartedly agree with Andrew’s argument that the decreasing use of cash has positive implications(暗指，暗示；蕴含，含义；（可能带来的）影响) for society. Primarily, the convenience factor cannot be overstated. Nowadays, more and more retail outlets , shopping malls, and organizations are transitioning to non-cash payment methods, such as credit cards , online payment , and even facial recognition technology. As a result , people can go shopping , dine out or attend events without the burden of carrying cash . All they need is a single credit card or just their smartphone. In some instances , even these are unnecessary as facial recognition payment systems are becoming increasingly popular.

Furthermore, moving away from cash transactions eliminates the minor yet frustrating problem of needing exact change. We’ve all faced situations where we are rushing to catch public transportation , only to realize we don’t have the correct change for a ticket. This inconvenience often leaves us replying on the kindness of strangers for loose change(零钱). With digital payments, however, such concerns are a thing of the past. A few taps on a smartphone screen, and the fare is paid effortlessly.
In conclusion, the decline in cash usage, attributed to the rise of more convenient alternatives, offer clear benefits for people in their everyday lives.

9.7 科技对创新的影响

孩子的创造力，这个内容比较抽象和空洞，可以从反面思考， 没有创造力就是模仿，抄袭别人的，不自己思考和分析。
创造力就是自己会自己思考，会构思出不同的内容吗，不盲目模仿，比如艺术上绘画，舞蹈， 音乐…到自己有创意地解决一些生活中的问题， 选择不同的专业，职业路径…

可行分论点：
科技发展有利于创造力：
1、提供了丰富的资源，开阔学生的视野，有利于创造。
比如一个对音乐有天赋的孩子，通过tiktok看到了世界上不同地区的音乐家的表演，包括传统的钢琴，小提琴，也有非洲部落的大姑，和中国的京剧，所以小孩子可以创造出很多多元的音乐…
2、提供了很多方便和便宜的工具设备，帮助学生们实践自己的创意。
比如即使家里负担不起昂贵钢琴的孩子也可以通过iPad上的钢琴学会弹钢琴和创造，更别说全世界数百万的孩子跟youtube上的课程来免费学习各种技能，包括语言学习和编程。我弟弟就在youtube上自学了ai和programming , 设计了一个管理家里加点的app,方便了全家的生活。

科技不利于创造力：
现在网络上太方便了，尤其是ai的兴起，孩子们可以轻易地在上面找到很多作业答案等等，所以就直接照抄，不想自己思考了。

范文：
Echoing Kelly’s view , I am convinced that technological advancement enhances children’s creativity by providing them with accessible and cost-effective tools . Often children’s innovative ideas are curtailed（简略，缩减，掠夺） by limited resources and lack of knowledge .However , modern technology , such as computers , iPads and the internet bridges this gap .
For instance, a child from a low-income family can learn to compose music using various apps on an iPad , bypassing the need for expensive instruments .Moreover , millions of students often disinterested in traditional courses offered in schools , turn to online platforms , like youtube ,for education .They engage with content that captures their interests , from programming to advanced topics in artificial intelligence , delivered by expert instructors .A personal example is my younger brother. Concerned about our high electricity bills , he developed an app to manage our home’s appliances efficiently , reducing our costs significantly -all through skills he acquired from youtube tutorials.
In conclusion , technology empowers children to realize their creative potential and bring their ideas to life , thereby significantly impacting their ability to innovate.

9.7下午场

Sam or 7-11
superstore & small stores
1.small