托福作文120-90

Education to a nation as the foundation to a skyscraper.

(We may need predicate here, and inversion measure may be used here)

Education is to a country as the foundation is to a skyscraper.

When asking many parents, they instinctively say improving the education quality need improve the teachers' quality.

(use “require” to express “need”)

Many parents, when asked, instinctively say that improving the quality of education requires improving the quality of teachers.

Government can improve the quality of education by increasing the lowest wage of teachers in the history.

(The former sentence, use a none to begin a sentence while this sentence use adverbial.)

(the verb after “by”, should use progressive tense)

(use salary to replace “wage”)

The government can improve the quality of education by increasing teachers’ historically-low salaries.

But I don't agree with this.

(use “cannot buy into” replace “agree”)

However, I just cannot buy into this.

From my perspective, increasing teachers' salaries is far from the most successful strategy.

(“by no means” to replace the “far from”)

(use a pretty short sentence)

To me, increasing teachers' salaries is by no means the most successful strategy.

There are a variety of ways can be used to improve the quality of education.

(use “approach” to replace the word “way”)

(use “maximize” to replace “improve”)

There are many other approaches to maximize the quality of education.

Granted, improving salaries can motivate teachers to some extent.

Granted, teachers can be motivated to some extent by an increase in salary.

Higher salaries improve teachers' image in this profession, and the state of educators, thus people with potential would choose teaching rather than other areas.

(“income” replaces “salary”)

(social status)

(better candidates)

Higher incomes improve the image of teaching profession, and the social status of educators, so that better candidates choose teaching over other fields.

For example, nowadays, more and more graduates take part in certification examinations in order to be teachers in public or private schools, mainly because better salaries.

(an increasing number of)

(it is primarily)

(wage, income, salary)

(more generous)

Here is a good example: nowadays, an increasing number of graduates are taking certification exams to become public or private school teachers, and it is primarily because wages are much more generous than before.

This, however, has negative impact on the education system in general.
(use “impact” as a subject)

However, the overall impact on the education system will be negative.

More energy will be concentrated in making more money by teachers instead of being exemplars for students.

Teachers will focus more on making money instead of being role models.

They concentrate on their personal interests, instead of updating their knowledge and teaching skills.

(self-interests)

(instruction)

Their focus will be on their own self-interests, instead of updating their knowledge and instruction skills.

In short, there are other ways to improve education.

In brief, there are other ways to strengthen education.

A better approach for schools to maximum education quality is to create a more flexible, result oriented salary system.

(“means” replace “approach”)

(for countable noun, you need an article or “s”)

(set up)

One better means by which schools can improve education quality is to set up a flexible, result oriented salary system.

Let me explain.

Currently, the wide adopted salary system is only based upon teachers' experiences.

(extensively)

(receive money)

(seniority)

Currently, the most extensively used salary system bases the money a teacher receives solely on his seniority.

Consequently, an elder teacher, no matter how outmoded methods and how unrealistic knowledge he imparts to students, constantly receives more generous salary than their younger counterparts.

(person pronouns like “his”)

(regardless of, despite of)

(how … is or are)

(“methodologies” replaces instructions)

(“impact” is very classical when it comes to express something like teaching)

(“fatter” replaces more generous)

As a result, a veteran teacher, no matter how outdated methodologies are and how impractical knowledge is that he imparts to students, always receives a fatter salary than his younger counterparts.

This is unfair.

This will surely damage the passion of a young teacher trying to improve herself, and even worse, this may lead to irresponsible as the young teacher never gains well-deserved recognition.

(we may need coordinating conjunctions here)

(you should always try to use some nice short verbs to express)

(“definitely” replaces “surely”)

(use “dampen” to convey a negative meaning)

（enthusiasm）

(encourage)

It definitely dampens a young teacher’s enthusiasm to improve, and even encourages irresponsible because hard work can never pay off.

In this regard, if more deliberate considerations are given by related departments when enacting the standard of salary system, there will be a huge different to the situation.

(governing bodies)

(adopt scientific guidelines)

(make a difference)

In this regard, should governing bodies adopt more scientific guidelines regarding teachers’ salaries, it would make a big difference.

Paying teachers' salaries based on students' performances in standard tests or competitions, for example, would improve instructions of teaching enormously.

(“be conducive to” replaces help)

(standardized tests)

(either or)

For example, paying teachers based on the performance of their students either on standardized tests or in competitions will be more conducive improve teaching skills.

Teachers who worry about their students' exam performance will spend more time and energy on preparing more engaging and enlightening courses, score students more patiently and pay attention to students after class.

(“sweat over” replace worry)

(“screw up on” replaces do a bad job)

(“devote” replaces spend)

(in great detail)

(beyond the classroom)

Teachers who are really sweating over their students screwing up on exams will devote more time and energy to preparing engaging and enlightening lessons, will grade students’ assignments in great detail and will pay more attention to students beyond the classroom.

This will definitely bring an overall improvement in education quality.

(bring about)

(use the word like “such”)

(an improvement)

Such improvements will definitely bring about an improvement in the overall quality of education.

In conclusion, various methods are needed when we want to improve the quality of education.

All in all, if we want educational quality to improve, it will require the adoption a wide variety of methods.

Solely improving teachers' salary is not the best way to achieve the goal.

(“Alone” replaces solely)

(increase salary)

(accomplish)

Increasing teachers' salaries alone is not the best way to accomplish this.