老友记第一季台词打印_老友记第一季第一集台词

六人行1-1The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The

Pilot-The Uncut Version)

[Scene: Central Perk,

Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]

Monica: There's nothing to

tell! He's just some guy I work with!

Joey: C'mon, you're going out

with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with

him!

Chandler: All right Joey, be

nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a

hairpiece?

Phoebe: Wait, does he eat

chalk?

(They all stare,

bemused.)

Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't

want her to go through what I went through with Carl-

oh!

Monica: Okay, everybody relax.

This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner

and- not having sex.

Chandler: Sounds like a date

to me.

[Time Lapse]

Chandler: Alright, so I'm back

in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I

realize I am totally naked.

All: Oh, yeah. Had that

dream.

Chandler: Then I look down,

and I realize there's a phone... there.

Joey: Instead

of...?

Chandler: That's

right.

Joey: Never had that

dream.

Phoebe: No.

Chandler: All of a sudden, the

phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts

looking at me.

Monica: And they weren't

looking at you before?!

Chandler: Finally, I figure

I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is

very-very weird, because- she never calls me!

[Time Lapse, Ross has

entered.]

Ross: (mortified)

Hi.

Joey: This guy says hello, I

wanna kill myself.

Monica: Are you okay,

sweetie?

Ross: I just feel like someone

reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out

of my mouth and tied it around my neck...

Chandler:

Cookie?

Monica: (explaining to the

others) Carol moved her stuff out today.

Joey: Ohh.

Monica: (to Ross) Let me get

you some coffee.

Ross:

Thanks.

Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts

to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)

Ross: No, no don't! Stop

cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone,

okay?

Phoebe: Fine! Be

murky!

Ross: I'll be fine, alright?

Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.

Monica: No you

don't.

Ross: No I don't, to hell with

her, she left me!

Joey: And you never knew she

was a lesbian...

Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does

everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I

know?

Chandler: Sometimes I wish I

was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out

loud?

Ross: I told mom and dad last

night, they seemed to take it pretty well.

Monica: Oh really, so that

hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M.,

"I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was

what? A wrong number?

Ross: Sorry.

Joey: Alright Ross, look.

You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're

hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?

(Ross gestures his

consent.)

Joey: Strip joint! C'mon,

you're single! Have some hormones!

Ross: I don't want to be

single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married

again!

(Rachel enters in a wet

wedding dress and starts to search the room.)

Chandler: And I just want a

million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)

Monica:

Rachel?!

Rachel: Oh God Monica hi!

Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and

then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are,

you are!

Waitress: Can I get you some

coffee?

Monica: (pointing at Rachel)

De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln

High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and

Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother

Ross?

Rachel: Hi,

sure!

Ross: Hi.

(They go to hug but Ross's

umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of

silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to

explain.)

Monica: So you wanna tell us

now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?

Rachel: Oh God... well, it

started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room

where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this

gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a

sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I

realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by

Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit

me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I

always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out

of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am

I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where

to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but

you're the only person I knew who lived here in the

city.

Monica: Who wasn't invited to

the wedding.

Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda

hoping that wouldn't be an issue... [Scene: Monica's Apartment,

everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying

to figure out what is going on.]

Monica: Now I'm guessing that

he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about

it.

Chandler: (imitating the

characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!

Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll</