TED原文翻译——Why domestic violence victims don‘t leave

I’m here today to talk about a disturbing question, which has an equally disturbing answer. My topic is the secrets of domestic violence, and the question I’m going to tackle is the one question everyone always asks: why does she study? why would anyone stay with a man who beats her? I’m not a psychiatrist, a social worker or an expert in domestic violence. I’m just a one woman with a story to tell. I was 22. I had just graduated from Harvard College, I had moved to New York City for my first job as a writer and editor at Seventeen magazine. I had my first apartment, my first little green American Express card, and I had a very big secret.
我今天在这里想要讲述一个令人不安的问题。这个问题同样有着令人不安的回答。我今天演讲的主题是家暴的秘密，并且我将会回答对于这一问题每个人经常会问道“为什么她（被家暴的女人）会留下”，为什么会有人和一个打他的男人在一起。我不是精神病学家，也不是社会工作者，更不是家暴问题专家。我只一个有故事要讲述的女人。当我22岁时，我刚刚从哈佛大学毕业，来到纽约找到了一份在Seventeen magazine 当作家和编辑的工作。那时我有了我都第一套公寓，我的第一张美国信用卡，和一个巨大的秘密。

My secret was that I had this gun loaded with hollow-point bullets pointed at my head by the man I thought was my soulmate, many, many times.The man who I loved more than anybody on Earth held a gun to my head and threatened to kill me more times than I can even remember. I’m here to tell you the story of crazy love, a psychological trap disguised as love, one that millions of women and even few men fall into every year. It may even be your story. I don’t look like a typical domestic violence survivor. I have a B.A. in English from Harvard College, an MBA in marketing from Wharton Business School.
我的秘密是我曾经被我认为是灵魂伴侣的男用这把装着空心弹的枪指着我的头无数次。这个我曾经最爱的男人用这把枪指着我的头威胁要杀了我的次数太多了，以至于我都记不得了。我在这里向你讲述一个疯狂的爱情故事，一个被包装成爱的精神陷阱，每年有数以百万计的女人甚至是一些男人掉进这个陷阱。也许这正发生在你身上。我看起来并不像一个被家暴的受害者。我有着哈佛的学英语专业的学士学位，还有沃顿商学院的市场营销MBA学位。

I’ve spent most of my career working for Fortune 500 companies including Johnson & Johnson ,Leo Burnett and The Washington Post. I’ve been married for almost 20 years to my second husband and we have three kids together. My dog is black lab, and I drive a Honda Odyssey minivan. So my first message for is that domestic violence happens to everyone–all races, all religions, all income and education levels. It’s everywhere. And my second message is that everyone thinks domestic violence happens to women, that it’s a women’s issue. Not exactly.
我工作的大多时间在500强企业，包括强生、李奥贝纳、华盛顿邮局。我和我的第二任丈夫结婚快20年了，我们有三个孩子。我的狗一条黑色的拉布拉多，我开着一辆本田奥德赛面包车。所以我想讲述的第一个事实是家暴可以发生任何人身上，任何种族、宗教、收入和受教育水平。它无处不在。我第二个讲述的是事实既然家暴发生在女人身上，那么这就应该是女人的问题。完全不对。

Over 85 percent of abuser are man, and domestic abuse happens only in intimate, interdependent, long-term relationships, in other words, in families, the last place we would want or expect to find violence, which is one reason domestic abuse is so confusing. I would have told you myself that I was the last person on Earth who would stay with a man who beats me, but in fact I was a typical victim because of my age. I was 22, and in the United States, women ages 16 to 24 are three times as likely to be domestic violence victims as women of other ages, and over 500 women and girls this age are killed every year by abusive partners, boyfriends, and husbands, in the United States.
超过85%的施虐者是男人，并且家庭暴力只发生在关系亲密、相互依赖、长期保持关系的两这之间，换句话说，只发生在家庭中，在我们在不想也不希望看到的地方发生，这也是家庭暴力如此的令人困惑的原因。我曾经认为自己是世界上唯一一个和打我的男人在一起的人，但是事实上在我这个年纪我是典型的受害者。在我22岁的时候，在美国，介于16到24岁的女性被家庭暴力是其他年龄女性的三倍，同时，每年有超过500名女性被他们的施虐对象、男朋友或者丈夫所杀害。

I was also a very typical victim because I knew nothing about domestic violence, its warning sings or its patterns. I met Conor on a cold,rainy January night. He sat next to me on the New York City subway, and he started chatting me up. He told me two things. One was that he, too, had just graduated from an Ivy League School , and that he worked at a very impressive Wall Street bank. But what made the biggest impressive on me that first meeting was that he was smart and funny , and he looked like a farm boy . he had these big cheeks, these big apple cheeks and this wheat-blond hair, and he seemed so sweet.
我也是典型的受害者，因为不算是家暴的警号信号，或者是某种模式，我都一无所知。我遇到康纳实在一个寒冷、有雨的一个一月的夜晚。在纽约的地铁站，他坐在我旁边，并先开始和我聊天。他告诉我了两件事情。其中一件是他也毕业于常青藤联盟高校，并且他曾经在一家很有名的华尔街银行工作。但令我印象最深刻的是，在第一次见面中，他表现得聪明而且有趣，他看起来像个农村男孩。他有着巨大的，像苹果一样的脸颊，和小麦色的头发，他看起来很可爱。

One of the smartest things Conor did, from the very beginning , was to create the illusion that I was the dominant partner in the relationship. He did this especially at the beginning by idolizing me. We started dating, and he love everything about me, that I was smart, that I’d gone to Harvard, that I was passionate about helping teenage girls, and my job. He wanted to know everything about my family and my childhood and my hopes and my dreams. Conor believed in me, as a writer and a women, in a way that no one else ever had. And he also created a magical atmosphere of trust between us by confessing his secret, which was that, as a young boy starting at age four, he had been savagely and repeatedly physically abused by stepfather.
从一开始，康纳做的最聪明的事情是他展现出我再两者的感情中占据主导地位。在一开始，他表现出了对我特别的崇拜。于是我们开始约会，他喜欢关于我的一切，比如我很聪明，我曾在哈佛上学，我曾给予青年女孩帮助，和我的工作。他想知道有关我家庭、同年、愿望和梦想的一切事情。康纳对我的信赖程度不论是作为一个编辑还是一个女人，都是我不曾拥有过的。他同样也通过分享他的秘密为我们之间建立了一个相互信任的氛围，其中包括他告诉我，从他四岁开始，他还是个男孩，他野蛮的继父就不断地虐待他。