WOW,上一篇嘅日誌都係舊年嘅了,呢排真係發生咗好多事,好多我唔想講出嚟嘅心事由於無暇上網,一路都擱置liao……
經歷得最刻骨銘心嘅就係,嫲嫲走咗,好突然嘅,我真係唔識點形容我嘅心情~!!!大年十四番屋企食飯,初初都唔係幾想番,不過諗住過年喎,晏晝坐車番咗去,落車都經已5點幾,我哋好肚餓,經過樓下都未返上去,而是走去食嘢,然之後就夠鐘去食年飯。食飯果陣,小姨仲話一陣有車,問我哋番唔番遵義,我哋竟然應承咗。不過突然之間又話又滴問題,架車嚟唔到。於是乎我哋就陪細佬去supermarket,因為佢就嚟番學校。我哋喺超市好開心果陣,小姨打電話比家姐話媽咪接到電話,話嫲嫲出咗事,但唔知乜事。我哋即刻跑出去打車番屋企,途中媽咪又打過來,han住咁叫我哋快D番,嫲嫲出咗事~!我一路都以為嫲嫲可能乜病突發,好嚴重,但係當我行到四樓果陣,我嘅心跳突然加快,好緊張,仲同自己講【千企冇有事,千企冇有事!】但係當我沖入屋果一刻,我呆咗,我到宜家都覺得果個畫面好真實好清晰咁擺喺我面前~!我見到嫲嫲目訓喺走廊上,臉色發白,媽咪就喺客廳門口han,我好激動嘅問媽咪點回事,一路問,然之後就抱住媽咪一路han,家姐就跪喺嫲嫲身邊一路han,一陣我也都跪到嫲嫲身邊……
我真係唔識講,果種痛,果種唔捨得,唔相信,我呢一世人真係第一次體會到,原來這才是真真正正無奈嘅感覺……
我真係好後悔,如果一開始落車,我番屋企先,都可以同嫲嫲傾多幾句,都可以等嫲嫲見到我哋一面,但系這一切都太突然,真的好突然,食飯果陣我仲問過阿爸,嫲嫲有冇食飯,佢都話佢整咗飯比嫲嫲食先出門嘅。其實屋企冇人嘅時間加埋就粒幾鐘,但係。。。嫲嫲,點解喎,點解你揀呢個時間離我哋而去呢?我知你不嬲都好錫我哋兩個噶,點解唔等多陣,等見到我兩個先呢?今年我仲未買唇膏比你!上次過年我唔係好嬲嘖,我經已唔記得lu,你點解唔聽埋呢句?點解走得咁急,我都未嚟得及好好孝敬您,你都未睇到我哋成家立室,我真係好唔捨得您~!!!好掛住您~!!!
接下來嘅都係滴兒女私情,相比之下,真係冇咁嚴重……
講嚟講去,我嘅感情事都係同DH有關嘅,唔知點解,我就係對佢冇滴免疫力嘅,唔通真係好似mayball講嘅,我根本就未放低佢?唔會掛,講真啦,早排我真係放低咗架,但係今次因為行得太埋我先會亂咋嘛~!
呢次見咗面之後,行得好埋,但係我都係諗住曖昧哈就算,我諗,以我嘅定力,冇可能拉野嘅,但係,實估唔到,我,我竟然第二次嘅中招,都冇解嘅!!!佢約我睇戲,同我D friend一起玩,同我講D甜言蜜語我其實都可以抵抗到嘅,只不過,喺嫲嫲走咗這段時間,我真係希望可以搵D嘢嚟靠哈,咁啱得咁巧,佢呢個時候喺我側邊,又肯比我挨哈喎,短短幾日,我就經已習慣咗,非常嘅習慣,真係evil~!我哋去到非常曖昧嘅時候,我覺得咁樣唔得,於是我同佢講,叫佢離我遠D,但係我真係好唔捨得架。。。於是,從22號開始,我唔再同佢聯繫,但係佢竟然都可以唔同我聯繫喎~!呢幾日,我真係好掛住佢,我都唔知今次點會咁樣,我嘅驕傲呢?去咗邊啊?
今次嘅事,我han不諗同mayball同埋家姐坦白咗,我所有嘅感受,所有嘅掛念~!佢哋可以勸住我,冇同佢聯繫,勸醒我,冇再諗佢~!但係我有少少後悔,我覺得咁樣掛住佢嘅我真係好cheap,我唔想以咁樣嘅形象出現喺佢哋面前,任何人面前~!!!宜家真係唔知點算,我好想同佢聯繫,但又唔知咁樣又乜意義~!其實我諗我唔係咁鍾意佢,只不過我不甘心,點解佢可以話唔聯繫就唔聯繫嘅?佢係唔係都好似我咁樣好難受,咁樣掛住我呢?我凈係想知~!但係知咗又點嘛,一切都係冇意義嘅~!
接下嚟我會點呢?家庭,事業,友情,愛情?一切都會順利嗎?
長大真的不是一件好玩兒的事~