上一篇blog想記低嘅嘢重好清晰嘅浮現眼前,估唔到都經已係好幾個月之前嘅事la!
啱啱睇完'溏心風暴',真係好多感觸。作為一個資深tvb迷,竟然宜家先睇呢一部經典,我自己都覺得有d驚訝……
其實以前唔多中意鐘嘉欣噶,但係,呢一段'常在心&程亮'嘅故仔真係打動到我噶!初初就好心酸,同自己暗戀咗好耐嘅人喺埋一齊,果種感覺真係好開心,但係兩個人要一齊,唔係凈係得鐘意就夠嘅啦。所以慢慢,兩個人開始成日嗌交。兩個人都一次次咁諗,大家係唔係真係啱喺埋一齊,但係又都捨不得大家。於是就陷入了一個惡性循環……到呢度,我就諗到自己,我同大花都係咁噶,呢排成日都吵,乜都可以嗌餐飽嘅,其實我都知佢實好唔開心嘅啦,但係,我真係控制唔到自己嘞,一次一次咁覺得好失望。講番部劇啦,好啦,程亮足知都做錯嘢啦,重好緊要果只,常在心覺得接受唔到,於是兩個分咗手。跟住就到最打動到我嘅一part啦,程亮開始寫日記,【沒有常在心的日子】,一日一日咁寫,每一次,佢都用心去感受常在心嘅感受,去瞭解佢。佢失去咗常在心之後,唔係乜都唔做,亦都唔係做埋d無謂嘢,而係,好卑心,真係好卑心去體會常在心嘅生活,佢終於都識得企鄉常在心嘅角度佢理解佢。可惜啊,結局太虐心,程亮死咗,最尾都冇聽到常在心話原諒佢。其實,人係唔係都係一樣嘅呢,都要等到失去之後先嚟識珍惜。程亮有句話我覺得好啱聽,'原來心情唔好嘅時候,唔係想搵老友出嚟傾訴,而係想寫d嘢',將自己嘅心情寫嗮出嚟,第時睇到可能覺得好好笑tim,又唔駛煩住人,成日好似個怨婦咁,一路同人講男朋友有幾唔好。其實,我都會諗,大花有一日會唔會睇到呢d日誌呢?佢睇唔睇得明噶?佢又會有乜感受呢? 但係,我知道,唔會嘅!諗咁多做乜啊?佢連我嘅微博都唔會睇啊,又點會細心到發現到我呢一個blog啊~~~
唔知係我變咗呢,定係我兩個其實真係好多問題,唔啱喺埋一齊。呢排,我成日都覺得佢達唔到我嘅要求。我知,佢經已好就住我嘅啦,所以咩顯得我好任性咁囖。但係,諗深D啊,就好似我要佢戒煙呢,唔係我要求噶,係佢自己話要戒,我監督佢嘅嘖。我唔知應該點理解,佢就真係好鍾意玩啦,但係,到咗宜家,我哋喺一齊經已443日,我都覺得佢冇“我哋”嘅慨念,乜都係自己一個人就決定。其實我真係好唔安心噶,我唔知道自己被擺咗響一個乜位置,佢嘅工作第一啦,同事又好重要喎,跟住就係遊戲啦,踢ball啦,飲酒啦……好多好多,每一次都係冇辦法嘅,每一次都要搵一個理由,我覺得好無稽嘅理由,每一次我嘅質問都變咗無理取鬧。其實初初我真係好理解噶,但係佢一次又一次,都覺得理所當然,呢個關係要處,果個關係又要维,咁我哋呢?大花啊,感情係需要经营噶!其實我都想做一個善解人意嘅女朋友ga,但次次關鍵時刻,你就一盆冷水潑落嚟,叫我點忍喎。我成日都覺得要點樣改變先可以等大家相處得融洽d,但係點解我一啲都睇唔到你有咁嘅想法呢?早幾日啊,我發脾氣,你竟然走咗去,知唔知我幾傷心啊!!!我唔知我當時點解可以做到搵番你返嚟,但係你真係hurt得我好緊要!我知發脾氣係我唔啱先噶,但係我發脾氣有原因嘅喎。你成日都話你同d異性朋友相處有分數,叫我信你!或者就話我,話我唔理解你,話我小家!喂,大佬啊,我都好想信噶,咁你一次次讓我失望,我點信喎,我又唔可以選擇性失憶,我哋係兩個人嚟噶,你都要企響我立場諗哈啊!點解凈係要我理解你喎!可能好多人唔明,咁咩同佢講囖,喺度寫咁多都冇用喎。兩個人相處就係咁嘅啦,如果由我講出呢d,佢都凈係會覺得我無理取鬧嘖,覺得我唔識諗囖,覺得我細佬女,所以我會等,等有一日你自己好似程亮咁,明白我哋之間係需要相互理解相互包容嘅。
''''但係,我等唔等得到果日呢……