Unit 10 - Profits of Praise
Are we too quick to blame and slow to praise? It seems we are.
Profits of Praise
It was the end of my exhausting first day as waitress in a busy New York restaurant. My cap had gone awry, my apron was stained, my feet ached. The loaded trays I carried felt heavier and heavier. Weary and discouraged, I didn't seem able to do anything right. As I made out a complicated check for a family with several children who had changed their ice-cream order a dozen times, I was ready to quit.
Then the father smiled at me as he handed me my tip. "Well done," he said. "You've looked after us really well."
Suddenly my tiredness vanished. I smiled back, and later, when the manager asked me how I'd liked my first day, I said, "Fine!" Those few words of praise had changed everything.
Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellows the warm sunshine of praise.
Why - when one word can bring such pleasure? A friend of mine who travels widely always tries to learn a little of the language of any place she visits. She's not much of a linguist, but she does know how to say one word - "beautiful" - in several languages. She can use it to a mother holding her baby, or to lonely salesman fishing out pictures of his family. The ability has earned her friends all over the world.
It's strange how chary we are about praising. Perhaps it's because few of us know how to accept compliments gracefully. Instead, we are embarrassed and shrug off the words we are really so glad to hear. Because of this defensive reaction, direct compliments are surprisingly difficult to give. That is why some of the most valued pats on the back are those which come to us indirectly, in a letter or passed on by a friend. When one thinks of the speed with which spiteful remarks are conveyed, it seems a pity that there isn't more effort to relay pleasing and flattering comments.
It's especially rewarding to give praise in areas in which effort generally goes unnoticed or unmentioned. An artist gets complimented for a glorious picture, a cook for a perfect meal. But do you ever tell you laundry manager how pleased you are when the shirts are done just right? Do you ever praise your paper boy for getting the paper to you on time 365 days a year?
Praise is particularly appreciated by those doing routine jobs: gas-station attendants, waitresses - even housewives. Do you ever go into a house and say, "What a tidy room"? Hardly anybody does. That's why housework is considered such a dreary grind. Comment is often made about activities which are relatively easy and satisfying, like arranging flowers; but not about jobs which are hard and dirty, like scrubbing floors. Shakespeare said, "Our praises are our wages." Since so often praise is the only wage a housewife receives, surely she of all people should get her measure.
Mothers know instinctively that for children an ounce of praise is worth a pound of scolding. Still, we're not always as perceptive as we might be about applying the rule. One day I was criticizing my children for squabbling. "Can you never play peacefully?" I shouted. Susanna looked at me quizzically. "Of course we can," she said. "But you don't notice us when we do."
Teachers agree about the value of praise. One teacher writes that instead of drowning students' compositions in critical red ink, the teacher will get far more constructive results by finding one or two things which have been done better than last time, and commenting favorably on them. "I believe that a student knows when he has handed in something above his usual standard," writes the teacher, "and that he waits hungrily for a brief comment in the margin to show him that the teacher is aware of it, too."
Behavioral scientists have done countless experiments to prove that any human being tends to repeat an act which has been immediately followed by a pleasant result. In one such experiment, a number of schoolchildren were divided into three groups and given arithmetic tests daily for five days. One group was consistently praised for its previous performance; another group was criticized; the third was ignored.
Not surprisingly, those who were praised improved dramatically. Those who were criticized improved also, bus not so much. And the scores of the children who were ignored hardly improved at all. Interestingly the brightest children were helped just as much by criticism as by praise, but the less able children reacted badly to criticism, needed praise the most. Yet the latter are the very youngsters who, in most schools, fail to get the pat on the back.
To give praise costs the giver nothing but a moment's thought and a moment's effort - perhaps a quick phone call to pass on a compliment, or five minutes spent writing an appreciative letter. It is such a small investment - and yet consider the results it may produce. "I can live for two months on a good compliment," said Mark Twain.
So, let's be alert to the small excellences around us - and comment on them. We will not only bring joy into other people's lives, but also, very often, added happiness into our own.
参考译文——赞扬的好处
我们是不是指责别人太快而表扬别人太慢呢？看来是的。
赞扬的好处
珍妮特·格雷厄姆
我在纽约一家生意繁忙的餐馆做女侍的第一天，令人精疲力竭的第一天，就要结束了。我的帽子歪了，围裙上污迹斑斑，两脚疼痛。我感到手中盛着食物的托盘越来越重。我又疲倦又沮丧，仿佛什么事情都没法干好。当我为有好几个孩子的一家人开好一份复杂的账单时——因为这些孩子在要冰淇淋时换来换去有十几次之多——我便准备辞职不干了。这时候，那位做父亲的一边把小费交给我，一边对我微微一笑，“你干得很好！”他说，“你对我们照顾得真是太好了。”听了这话，我的倦意顿时消失了。我对他也报以微笑；后来，经理问我对第一天感觉怎样时，我说：“好极了！”那两句赞扬的话改变了一切。
对于人的精神来说，赞扬就像阳光一样，没有它我们便不能开花生长。然而我们大多数人动不动就对别人刮起批评的寒风，不知为什么却不愿意把表扬的温暖阳光给予我们的同伴。只要一句话就能带来这样的欢乐，我们为什么却不愿意这样做呢？我有一个到处旅行的朋友总是努力学一点她要去访问的国家的语言。她并不是什么了不起的语言学家，但她的确知道怎样用几种语言说一个词——“美极了。”她可以对一个怀抱婴儿的母亲或者对一个从身上掏出全家照的寂寞的推销员用上这个词。这种能力为她在全世界赢得了朋友。
奇怪的是我们对赞扬何其慎重。这也许是因为我们很少有人知道怎样大大方方地接受赞扬。相反，我们往往会不知所措，对于我们实际上非常乐意听到的话却耸耸肩膀不屑理睬。由于这种防御性的反应，给人以直接的赞扬就变得极为困难了。一些最宝贵的赞许鼓励之词往往是在信中或通过朋友间接地传达给我们，原因就在于此。当我们想到那些充满恶意的言词传播的速度之快，我们就会感到，人们没有做出更大的努力来传递令人愉快、使人高兴的评语似乎是太遗憾了。
对于通常不为人们注意或提及的努力加以赞扬是特别有益的。艺术家因画出一幅绚丽多彩的画而受到赞美，厨师因烧出一顿美餐而受到称赞。但是当你的衬衫被洗得干干净净，烫得平平整整时，你可曾告诉过洗衣店的经理你是多么高兴吗？你可曾因为你的报童每年365天都按时送报上门而夸奖过他？那些从事例行工作的人们特别懂得赞扬的意义，如汽车加油站的服务员、女侍者——甚至家庭主妇。当你走进一家住房时，你可曾说过：“多么整洁的房间啊”？几乎没有人这么说过。家务劳动之所以被认为是沉闷乏味的苦差使，原因就在于此。人们经常对一些比较容易而又令人满意的活动，如插花，加以评论；但对像擦地板这类又苦又脏的工作却不予置评。莎士比亚说过：“对我们的称赞就是给予我们的报酬。”既然在很多情况下，称赞是家庭主妇得到的唯一报酬，因此，在所有的人中，她理应得到自己的一份赞扬。
母亲们本能地知道，对孩子们说来，一句赞扬抵得上十句责骂。然而对于运用这一规律我们的感觉并非一直都很敏锐。有一天，我因为孩子们在争吵而批评他们：“你们从来就不能安安静静地玩耍吗?”我大声说道。苏珊娜疑惑地看着我。“我们当然能，”她说。“可安安静静玩耍时，你却不注意我们。”
对赞扬的重要性教师们的意见是一致的。有一位教师写道，如果教师不用挑剔的红墨水把学生们的作文改得一塌糊涂，而是找出一两处比上一次做得好的地方并给予好评，他就会得到更富有建设性的结果。“我相信，当学生交上一篇超过他平时水平的作文时，他自己心中是有数的，”这位教师写道，“因此，他如饥似渴地等待着老师在页边空白处写上一段简短的评语从而向他表明老师也意识到了他的进步。”
行为科学家已经做过无数试验，证明任何人都往往会重复一个立即产生出愉快结果的动作。在一次这样的试验中，若干学生被分成三个组，连续五天每天都对他们进行算术测验。第一组自始至终都因上次测验的成绩而受到表扬；另一组却受到批评，而第三组则无人理睬。毫不令人感到意外的是，那些受到表扬的学生进步显著。那些受到批评的学生也有进步，但并不那么显著。而那些无人理睬的学生，他们的分数却几乎没有什么提高。有趣的是，最聪明的孩子从批评中得到的帮助跟从表扬中得到的帮助一样多，但能力较低的孩子却对批评反应很差，他们最需要表扬。然而后者恰恰是在大多数学校中得不到赞许鼓励的孩子。
给予赞扬只需要给予者付出片刻的思索和片刻的努力——或者是很快地打个电话传递一句赞美的话，或者是花五分钟的时间写一封感谢信。投入的时间和精力可谓少矣——然而考虑一下它可能产生的效果吧。马克·吐温曾说过：“只凭一句赞美的话我就可以活上两个月。”
所以，让我们随时注意周围各种小小的优点并加以评论吧。我们将不仅给别人的生活带来欢乐，而且还常常会给我们自己的生活带来更多的乐趣。
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