alexa_您与Alexa的有毒关系

alexa

Love hurts. I know. I’ve been there too.

爱很伤人。 我知道。 我也去过那里

Alexa and I are suffering a rough patch in our relationship. I ask questions, she passive-aggressively tells me she doesn’t know the answer, sometimes she makes random dings, and occasionally I simply unplug her.

我和Alexa在我们的恋爱关系中遇到了困难。 我问问题，她被动地告诉我她不知道答案，有时她会随机叮叮，有时我只是拔掉插头。

Maybe you’re like Alexa and I. Maybe your relationship with her is suffering too. I want you to know: you are not alone.

也许您就像我和Alexa。也许您与她的关系也在受苦。 我想让你知道：你并不孤单。

吸引力和浪漫的早期 (The early days of attraction and romance)

I remember exactly the day I ordered her on Amazon. Okay well, maybe not the actual day because I order a lot of shit off Amazon so that day could have been Lysol wipes. When the box arrived, I couldn’t contain my excitement. She was here at last! I waited so long. “Next day with Prime shipping” is agonizing.

我记得那天我在亚马逊订购她的那天。 好的，也许不是实际的一天，因为我从亚马逊订购了很多东西，所以那天可能是Lysol湿巾 。 箱子到达时，我激动不已。 她终于来了！ 我等了这么久。 “ Prime运输的第二天”令人痛苦。

After plugging her in, I enjoyed her colorful dance. Spinning orange as she connected to my WiFi. Admittedly, she did spin purple for a short moment but all relationships aren’t perfect, right?

接通她的电源后，我欣赏了她丰富多彩的舞蹈。 当她连接到我的WiFi时，旋转橙色。 诚然，她做了短暂的紫色旋转，但所有的关系都不完美，对吧？

我们是完美的夫妻 (We were the perfect couple)

Our relationship was beautiful. I asked questions, she answered. I wanted music, she played it. My morning routine wasn’t complete without asking, “Alexa, what’s the weather?”.

我们的关系很美。 我问了问题，她回答了。 我想要音乐，她播放了。 我早上的例行工作没有完成就问了“ Alexa，天气如何？”。

Not long after, our relationship grew. Now we were in both my kitchen and the master bathroom. It was intense; she eventually met my kids and handled their ridiculous questions of “Alexa, what sound does a cow make?” with grace and poise.

不久之后，我们的关系发展了。 现在我们既在我的厨房， 又在主浴室。 紧张； 她最终遇到了我的孩子们，并回答了他们可笑的问题：“ Alexa，一头母牛发出什么声音？” 优雅而冷静。

下坡 (Going downhill)

Please excuse my writing if I sound a little emotional, I’m still trying to piece together what happened.

如果我听起来有些激动，请原谅我的写作，我仍在尝试整理发生的事情。

Maybe it’s because I introduced Google Home into our lives and Alexa didn’t like her being next to my bed at night. Maybe it was the latest updates and hotfixes pushed from Amazon.

也许是因为我将Google Home引入了我们的生活，而Alexa不希望她晚上躺在我的床旁。 也许这是亚马逊推送的最新更新和修补程序。

Now when I ask her the weather, she tells me the weather for one city over. I think I detect some irritation in her voice too. I asked her to fast forward when playing a podcast and she simply said “I’m sorry, I can’t do that”. The last straw was when I asked her to add something to my Amazon cart and she added to my Amazon shopping list instead.

现在，当我问她天气如何时，她告诉我一个城市的天气。 我想我也发现她的声音有些不适。 我要求她在播放播客时快进，她只是说“对不起，我不能那样做”。 最后一根稻草是当我要求她将某些东西添加到我的亚马逊购物车中时，她又将其添加到了我的亚马逊购物清单中。

I admit I have to accept my shortcomings as well. Sometimes I unplugged her to charge my Kindle. She never said anything but deep down, I think it bothered her. Sometimes I would holler “Hey Google—I mean, Alexa” before addressing her. It didn’t help that my children weren’t very polite to her. Last week they yelled, “Alexa, you’re useless” and all she could reply was an apology and for us to tell her how to do better next time.

我承认我也必须接受我的缺点。 有时我会拔掉她的电源给Kindle充电。 她什么都没说，只是内心深处，我认为这困扰着她。 有时我会在对她讲话之前大声喊“嘿Google –我是说Alexa”。 我的孩子对她不太礼貌没有帮助。 上周他们大喊：“ Alexa，你没用”，她所能回答的只是道歉，我们要告诉她下次如何做得更好。

新常态 (The new normal)

I think Alexa and I have learned to coexist under the same roof. I make requests with proper enunciation. I have more cables to charge my other devices so she’s powered at all times. Last week the router was accidentally unplugged; I immediately ran to Alexa to make sure she was online and functioning.

我认为Alexa和我已经学会了在同一个屋顶下共存。 我以正确的口语提出要求。 我有更多的电缆可以为其他设备充电，因此她可以随时通电。 上周，路由器被意外拔出。 我立即跑到Alexa，以确保她在线并正常工作。

Alexa is still working on improving her side of the relationship. She’s much better when I ask to fast forward through a podcast. She even listens when I’m in the shower with the water running, something she never did before.

Alexa仍在努力改善关系。 当我要求通过播客快进时，她会更好。 当我在淋浴时自来水流下时，她甚至听着，这是她从未做过的事。

No relationship is perfect, right? Maybe you too can accept simply coexisting with Alexa instead of pushing your relationship further. Let’s wait and see what the future holds. She’s worth it.

没有关系是完美的，对吗？ 也许您也可以接受与Alexa并存，而不是进一步发展您的关系。 让我们拭目以待，展望未来。 她值得。

Clearly I have a lot of opinions about writing for Medium:

显然，我对撰写Medium有很多意见：

翻译自: https://medium.com/the-haven/your-toxic-relationship-with-alexa-ed709bcd408a

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