哈佛公开课《Positive Psychology 1504》学习笔记 -- FOCUS

1    Focus
1.1    Focus create reality
1.1.1    NOTES
1.    Happiness is not contingent on our status, or the state of our bank account, on what we choose to focus on. Because our emotions are determined by external circumstances as well as internal, interpretation matters.
2.    Beyond the basic needs, beyond the basic freedoms, it is mostly about how we perceive reality, and we are able to make it into a heaven or a hell.
3.    Remember this, how you created your reality just based on the question that you asked.
4.    Very often we complain about life and we think, you know, things are terrible and awful not realizing and then beliefs become self-fulfilling prophesies, or, because we just focus on what is not working. And one thing and this does not mean that there are no objective terrible circumstances out there. But to a great extent, a great extent, we co-create our reality.
5.    We very often create our own reality. And if we understand this, we can transform, change the way that we perceive, change our focus, change our questions, whether it's questions disputing irrational evaluations, and questions create a new reality.
1.1.2    Reflecting
每件事情都有多个角度，它会往怎样的方向发展，它带来怎样的影响，在于我们从怎样的角度去关注和诠释、我们会问怎样的问题。
1.2    The fault-finder and the benefit-finder
1.2.1    NOTES
6.    The fault-finder is a person on the peanut butter and jelly, on things that are not going well on problems in the relationship, on problem in him or herself, problems with the job---the consummate complainer.
7.    The benefit-finder is the opposite, focuses on what works. The benefit-finder looks on the bright side of life, finds the silver lining in the dark cloud, makes lemonade out of lemons, focusing on the positive and what works.
8.    Again, this class is not advocating focusing only on the positive; its focus is advocating reality. And reality comprises both good and bad.
9.    The difference between a benefit finder and a fault finder is that, the benefit finder understands that while things don't necessarily happen for the best, it is possible to make the best of things that happen. Things will be OK. Things will turn out fine. It may take a while. Until I see the benefit of it, it may take a while and I will get over the humiliation or the pain or the disappointment. But that, too, shall pass.
10.     The benefit finder understands that nature, the human nature dictates that we have painful emotions and human nature, or being human dictates we also fail. And that, too, shall pass.
11.    Benefits to be a benefit finder:  
A. So the first benefit is we simply feel better. We are happier for it. Experiencing more positive moods, and less likely to be anxious and had less physical symptoms.
B. Physically healthier
C. Longevity
1.2.2    Reflecting
不可能每件事情都顺利，每个人都可能经历痛苦、失望、沮丧等，这些都会过去的。任何事情都会有多面性，当事情无可避免地发生时，要看到其中积极的一面。

1.3    Why are not more people benefit finders?

12.    And the answer to that was, to great extent, because of the media. What we have in the media is magnifying, zooming in, magnifying the negative, maximizing it, having it take the entire screen, the entire page, while minimizing the positives. And in many ways ,the media makes fault finders out of us. And we need to counter that.
13.    How do we counter that? On the macro level, by having good news channels, for example. On the micro level, by having more inspiring art.  On the micro level, we talked about not waiting for bad things to happen, for tragedy, for something external to happen for us to be grateful
1.4    Appreciation
1.4.1    NOTES
1.4.1.1    Appreciate the good
14.    The first meaning of appreciate is to say thank you. The second meaning of appreciate is increasing value: the economy appreciates; money in the bank appreciates. And that's an important meaning, because when we appreciate the good, the good appreciates.
15.    When we appreciate the good in our lives, when we appreciate the good in other people, when you appreciate the good in our country, we get more of it. And when we don't focus on these things, they depreciate. Now the key here: it has to be genuine appreciation.
16.    Do things need to get worse before we appreciate what's right in front of us and all around us? When do we begin to appreciate our health? When something goes wrong with us or with someone else. When do we begin to appreciate life? When ours is in danger, or when we lose someone dear to us. And the question that we need to ask ourselves is "must something external, extraordinary, unusually tragic happen for us to appreciate the ordinary?" You see there are treasures of happiness all around us and within us, there are wonderful things- things that are worth your appreciation all around us or within us. But we take them for granted and do we need to wait for that. And the answer is no. No- if we learn gratitude as a way of life, if we cultivate the habit of gratitude.
1.4.1.2    Take action to be grateful
17.    As far as most people are concerned, the good things in their life, in their relationships, do not exist. Because when we are not grateful for them, when we take them for granted, as far as we are concerned, they are not there. And we are numb to these things. We are dead to these things. And it takes a wake-up call, like a terminal disease to wake us up? To get us to focus on what is right inside us or all around us all the time? Why? Why wait?
18.    Each night, write down at least five things for which you are grateful.  They can be little things or big things.  Be mindful of the things you write down—imagine the person you’re writing about, re-experience the experience you’re putting down, and so on.
19.    The key when we do this is to maintain freshness. The first thing is introduce the variety. One week I can focus about my work. Another week it can be mostly focus about personal things. And so on.
20.    Second, Ellen Langer talks about mindfulness. She defines mindfulness as creating novel distinctions. Well, there's something new to discover about a person every time, whether it's about my parents, whether it's about lover, whether it's about my friends. Looking at it mindfully. Focusing on it. And maintaining freshness through this focus. Visualizing it.
21.    The key is to do it. To just do it. There are no short cuts. It's not because you've been through a lecture on gratitude and you understand, you really understand what a benefit finder means. That doesn't... That will not in and of itself make you a benefit finder. You need to do it.
22.    The reason why it works is because what you are doing is chisel by chisel, chipping away the excess stone.
23.    And when we ask "what are my grateful for?", even it's just once a day, that in and of itself creates a new reality. And we begin to see things that we haven't before.  "Oh, this is something I am going to write tonight. It's so beautiful."
1.4.1.3    Express gratitude to others as well
24.    It's important to express gratitude obviously not just to ourselves, but also to others. Really think about what these people, the important people in your life are doing for you and express it. Don't take that for granted.
25.    So the key you want to maintain the spike is to do it regularly.
1.4.1.4    Write about painful emotion and ruminate the positive experience
26.    When we feel like we can talk and analyze about painful emotion, we feel better. We are physically healthier. When we simply sit down and ruminate about painful emotions without making sense of it, we get very often into a downward spiral. We narrow and constrict. We feel more sad.
27.    When we just ruminate about the positive experience- just think about it, then it contributes to our well-being. The gratitude exercise is about replaying the experience. It's exactly that. In other words, it's thinking about our happiest experiences of the day, which leads ultimately to positive outcome.
1.4.2    Reflecting
生活中有很多美好的东西，我们也拥有很多，比如健康的身体、友爱的家人、赚钱的能力、喜欢的衣服、遇到的爱人、三五知己、充足的食物、可读的书、美味的巧克力，但是，我们很多时候忽略了自己所拥有的这些东西，把目光放在了自己未曾拥有的，比如，环境的恶劣、工作的辛苦、赚钱的艰难、食物的不安全等，这些我们要去关注，也要为自己争取更好的生存状态，但是只关注这些是不够的，我们要在关注负面的东西的同时也要关注正面的能量，要懂得珍惜自己所拥有的，不要等到失去才后悔。
我们要懂得去发现生活的美，要懂得去感恩，特别是对帮助过自己的人，要让对方知道自己诚心诚意的感谢。
无论是赞美，还是感恩，要诚心诚意，不要矫情造作。