托福作文120-64

In this world, people always have connections, no matter it is face to face, by phones, by emails or by texting.

(in contact)

(through, via, over, in)

In this connected world, people are always in contact with others, be it in person, over the phone, through email or via text messaging.

In this regard, some people believe the best way to relax is to spend time alone considering the variety of benefits it has.

In this regard, some people argue that the best way to relax is to spend time alone as it has many benefits.

Being alone allows you to reflect life, to spark creativity and to establish confidence.

(reflect on)

(recharge your batteries)

(develop your self-confidence)

Being alone allows you to reflect on life, be creative, recharge your batteries and develop your self-confidence.

I disagree with this.

(position)

I do not agree with this position.

As far as I am concerned, you do not require being alone to be truly relax and to release stress--the same goal can be achieved by other approaches.

(“have to” replaces “need”)

(reduce stress)

(purpose)

As far as I am concerned, you do not have to be alone to truly relax and reduce stress—there are other means to achieve the same purpose.

True, being alone can help people relax and have a peace altitude.

(“spending time alone” replaces “being alone”)

(“get a peaceful mind”)

Naturally, spending time alone, away from others helps people relax and get a peaceful mind.

Spending time alone, people can enjoy watching favorite movies, entering a virtual world created by Spider and American Leader, or consorting comforts in romantic stories of Titanic and A.

（given time alone）

(escape into)

(imaginary world)

(an example like this, can only be a general example but do not try to give very detailed descriptions)

(beautiful romance)

Given time alone, people can watch their favorite movies, escaping into the imaginary action world of Iron Man and Captain America, or finding comforts in beautiful romance of Titanic and Notting Hill.

Others prefer to reading no matter the tragedies of Shakespeare or the imaginary world of Harry Potter and his partners.

（be it）

(fantasy)

Others prefer to read and get lost in the books, be it the tragedies of Shakespeare or the fantasy world of Harry Potter and company.

However, staying away from world for a long time has disadvantage--it can lead to distress, increasing stress.

（there is a downside to）

(prolonged period of time)

(isolation and anxiety)

(levels of stress)

However, there is a downside to staying prolonged periods of time on your way away from world --it can lead to isolation and anxiety, increasing levels of stress.

(“relieve stress” replaces “reduce stress”)

To counteract this, staying with friends or family together is a better way to reduce stress and entertain.

First, when talking about relieving stress, being companied by friends is always my first choice.

(when it comes to)

(the company of)

(stress relief)

First, when it comes to stress relief, the company of friends is always my first choice.

Sparing no effects in working in order to achieve success in fierce competitions, people seldomly stay together with friends, not to mention meeting them and getting relaxed.

(as)

(get ahead in the rat race)

(have little time)

(let alone)

As people work really hard and long hours to get ahead in the rat race, they have little time to spend with friends, let alone meet them and relax.

Furthermore, face to face communications have already be replaced by indifferent emails, WeChat, phones and posters on the social websites such as Facebook or Instagram.

Further, face to face conversations have already be replaced by impersonal emails, WeChat messages, phone calls and posts on the social networking sites such as Facebook or Instagram.

In an age when time scarce and communications lacking, face to face conversations with friends helps relieve stress.

（in this era）

(meet in person)

In this era when time is scarce and communication is impersonal, spending time with friends helps people to meet in person and relax.

Spending time in a coffee house, eating at a local restaurant, shopping at festival or doing more exciting activities like playing tennis is more interesting than staying alone.

(hang out)

(coffee shops)

(have a meal)

(like playing …)

(“on your own” replaces “alone”)

Hang out in coffee shops, having a meal at a restaurant, shopping in mall or doing something more active like playing badminton or table tennis is more fun than being on your own.

Second, even more importantly, staying with family together is a perfect way to spend the weekends and get relaxed.

(simply write “spend weekends”)

Second, even more importantly, spending time with your family is a great way to spend weekends and relax.

Spending time with family helps people to eliminate the life and work stress in mind.

(helps)

(“pressure” replaces stress)

(clear their minds)

Relaxing with family helps people clear their minds of pressures of work and life.

You can drive in rural areas for a long travel, bake a cake at home, have a picnic at a historical site, or simply buy an ice cream.

(go for a picnic)

(in the country)

(take a drive)

(in a scenic spot)

(get an ice cream)

You can take a long drive in the country, bake a cake at home, go for a picnic in a scenic spot, or simply get an ice cream.

Such relax activities also benefit family by strengthening family bones and creating more robust bones which are threatened by the modern world.
(relationship)

(under pressure)

(relaxing activities)

Such relaxing activities also help family to strengthen relationships and create stronger bones which are under pressure in today’s modern world.

Whilst I appreciate the benefits and significance of staying alone to relax and relief pressure, considering the points I mentioned above, I believe staying with others is more necessary and beneficial.

(get away from stress)

(use gerund to serve as subject, and predicate should consider its number)

Whilst I appreciate the benefits and significance of spending time alone to relax and get away from pressure, for the reasons I discussed above, I believe that spending time away with others is necessary and more beneficial.