Setting Boundaries with Others(摘录 work with passion)

Any successful enterprise requires a great deal of time and energy, much more than you expect when you begin. So to succeed in your business you must use your energy wisely. If you are married or living with someone you need to set good boundaries, especially if you have children. Relationships take time, which means you must not scatter your energy with too much socializing. Even the smartest entrepreneurs founder on the rocks of overextension.

One of my clients who worked out of her home was forced to confront her tendency to get distracted. Alice spent long hours on the phone with her mother, who could not understand why she couldn’t talk with her daughter whenever she wanted since she worked out of her home. The mother was from a different generation; she had never worked, so she did not understand that the calls interrupted my client’s business.

Finally, Alice asked her mother to call at a certain time twice a week. At first her mother was angry since she was used to getting her way; but when Alice persisted she adapted to the new schedule. This greatly reduced Alice’s anger, since she had been stewing over her mother’s intrusiveness for years. Not surprisingly, Alice set better boundaries in all areas of her life, with her husband, her children, and her clients.

Owning your own business demands so much of you it is vital that you select a compatible personal relationship. If you share values with your intimate partner, you will have few conflicts, which will free up time that is wasted in arguments and misunderstandings. If your partner is not sympathetic to the demands of your business, he or she may think you are a workaholic when the business and your customers are on your mind.

When you work with passion all sides of you fit well together, like a well-designed garment. This cohesiveness between the private and public life is not the case for most employed people. So be sure you live with or marry an entrepreneur or a person who loves his or her work; otherwise you may conclude that there is something wrong with you because you are so excited about your work.

Many of my clients are surprised and dismayed when the person who is closest to them starts to sabotage their success. Before he or she was supportive, because my client was miserable and, as we all know, misery loves company. But once my client was happy, envy disguised as criticism raised its ugly head. Be prepared for that all-too-human emotion to arise when you love your work with all your heart and soul. Give the problem back to where it belongs, to the person who is envious of your happiness.

Difference in temperament is also the root of many battles at home. Time alone is vital when you are an introverted entrepreneur. If you are an extrovert, you are energized by contact with others. If you are an introvert and you choose an extroverted partner, make sure that both of you allow for the needs of each other. For example, if you said that you were a number 3 on a scale of 1 to 10 in the introvert/extrovert scale on page 174, you need to be alone 70 percent of the time, at work and in relationships.

Conversely, if you said you were a 7 on the same scale, you will need to be alone 30 percent of the time, at work and in relationships. It is not difficult to see what happens when you marry or live with an introverted partner. He or she will be overwhelmed by your need to spend time together, and you will feel lonely when your partner wants to be alone. Go back to your five values; when your partner shares most of these values, your relationship will work like a charm.

We are all a mixture of introversion and extroversion. It’s important for you to know what that mixture is for you, and for the person with whom you live. Accurate self-knowledge leads to good boundaries and mutual respect, which are crucial to your mental, emotional, and physical health — and to working with passion.